I'm lost in the notes of your breathing,
holding on to the damp nothingness
of your blank shirt and your strong arms
pulling me closer and closer to the
delicate beating of your perfect heart.

Mosquitos and ants buzzing around
eating the delicious nectar of our sweet
blood. Sweat drenching us both calling
nature to us in hopes of a midnight
snack incomparable to any other.

Stars dancing above us, one longing
to know us better falls through the
clouds only to make you wish
happiness for the both of us. The moon
shining bright white light of hope
reminding us all is well yet again.

Finally moving into bed, safe and warm
to allow sleep to over come our
sanity and hopes. Plastic butterflies
dancing above us from the ceiling
soothing me as though I were a baby
lying in a crib with my favorite blanket.

Your arms around me, bodies tight
breathing shallowly in sync as eyes
flutter closed once more off to a land
better than that of dreams. Oh how I
love this first memory of sanity
and risk. Oh how I love the feel
of this moment and of you pressed
ever so gently against me.

Please don't ever let this moment
fade, for I cannot recall ever being
more sane, more hopeful, or any
more perfect in the company of another.

I need you to promise me something,
promise you will never leave me.
You promised me everything would

be ok;

but how can anything be ok
if you are gone so far away?
Past the limit of time and space
to a completely different place.

You told me to listen to something
said you will never leave me.
You promised me everything would

work out;

honestly, I don't see how that can be
if you are not still here with me.
Maybe I am being selfish now
to leave you are the stupid cow!

Each night I heard you say everything
even that you will never leave me.
You promised me everything would

make sense;

and now you are doing terrible things
my angel will finally have some wings.
That does not make any sense to me
but I guess I do need to set you free.

Take yourself if you must
you truly hated life, I trust.
Remember me, always and forever
know you are my

favorite treasure.

Don't worry,

Everything will be better soon,
There is a solution to all of this.
Things like this just take a little time.

Oh baby boy, everythings o.k.,
Dont you cry honey.
It's just life, that's how it
Always seems to go.

Shush Darling,

Itll be over soon,
We've had enough of this.
I promise this is the last time.

Sweetie, someday itll be o.k.
Try to smile, please, honey.
People leave, that's how it
Always seems to go.

Sleep now,

Dawn will arrive soon,
Nothing ever darker than this.
Night only has so much time.

Baby, things will be o.k
People quit, their choice honey.
They just cant stay is how it
Always seems to go.

Don't worry,
It's o.k.

The lights didnt recieve me well,
The picture of you isn't enough;
I don't make enough money
To pay for a phone, otherwise
I'd be calling you every night.

The stage is too high up,
The Ipod I borrowed won't charge
All our songs feel weird,
So wrong, like they are
Missing you more than I am.

The microphone couldn't pickmme up,
The story shouldnt have ended this way;
Your last name is all
I have left keeping ,me
In your heart, and that hurts.

The lights didnt recieve me well,
The picture is starting to fade;
Your song is telling me
I can come on home,
But I don't know the way.

I lost myself, trying to be
Something I am not,
Do you still love me
Enough to welcome me
If I came back?

Tonight leave the light on,
Unlock the door, please,
Because
I am

Coming home.

There are seven billion ways to view the world,
Of all I find yours the most beautiful.

Carnation hues blinding you now
Ao you don't show your pain,
Why you hide
......there
I will never know.

Seven billion people live and breathe,
But your breath puts on the best show.

Ebony clouds the words
You do not wish to say
That makes sense I
....., suppose;
They don't seem to understand.

So of all seven billion lifestyles out there
Yours is the one I would like to learn.

Dark sandy eyes and lime thoughts
With azure meanings
Make it seem as though
You found a perfect
.......paradise,
I wish I could join you.

Because there are seven billion things wrong with the world,
And I promise you will never be one of them.

Cherry smiles and lightly
candied hearts fill this
Deep, dark, and dangerous
World, but not our milky
......paradise.
They just don't know it.

One day seven billion people will leave us
Not you and I, for we will live forever.

Golden promises fill your mind
As we face each day,
Just remember someday
We will scream, "oh my god,
.....THIS
Is paradise and it feels
So ******* good!"

Footprints along the shore
Lead me somewhere new;
It feels like
....paradise
And at first it tasted
Good, now its too
...sweet.

Our sand castle still
...stands
Nestled safely farther
Back than the cove.

Sea **** washed up
Again, wove my feet
Together kindly,
Though I did not
....stop
Walking, trying to move
.... on.

A painted sky frames a
Golden sun's decent
As night stumbles in
...again.
Where did you go this
....time.

I thought we were better
For each other than this,
I thought we found
...paradise
For more than a split
....moment.

As I walk tears do
What tears do best...
They fall, drip, and
...slide
While waves crash,
gently erasing
....scars....

If we keep fighting
Just to taste
Dissonance
We cant keep doing
This.

We wake up, smile,
And wonder what lies
To spread around
Today.

They taught us to
Start fires, burn things,
Destroy
Everything we can
Before
someone else did.

Fight
Me to make yourself
Look so big and
Syrong.

Rise up against all
The crazy, falling
World
Just to feel
alive.

As long as you
Promise
That you are the one
To choose your
Actions going
Against
The grain of society.

No longer will I
Allow
You to blame
Me.

Wilting flowers stare from the desk,
Smiling faces lost their playful glow;
So many things cloud my mind,
Mostly questions with answers you should know.

Lately, it seems the light doesn't turn off
And the coffee just will not brew;
Sleep doesn't want me, I don't want it,
I just need a break from you.

I had you for a moment, in my arms,
When I turned around to help my family
You disappeared the way shadows do at night,
Still there, just playing me so foolishly.

Ever growing disappointment in love
Just does not feel right anymore;
You showed me pain, I found hope again,
Don't come back, ill only show you to the door

I know you remember the way
Your parents called you into
Their bedroom, your mother
Wrapped you up safe in her arms
With tears in her eyes and
Sadness cloaking her usual warmth.

After a deep sigh your daddy told you
That your sister took herself away.
No one knew why, just said drugs
Found her time and time again.

Next you looked them in the eyes
And whispered, "I am here to stay,
Forever and always I will be here."
They smiled as they pulled you in
Tighter, so sure youd meant what you said.

Six months later you're addicted to
Butterfly kisses from a steel blade
And alcohol playing with your abilities,
Forgetting that golden promise
You face your reflection and wonder
Why nobody recognizes you.

Without thinking you punch the glass,
Pick up a shard, slit your heart as you
Murmur some sorry excuse about
Do this here and now, you pick up
Your lipstick and write "Death shall die,
Time shall end" on whats left of the glass.

But before you leave I have to ask,
Is the ghost ship worth it, do you
Really want to leave when so many
People love, want, care about, and need



You.

Its so odd to visit the
garden of all out
secrets, where flowers
grow still. Lately,
its filled with an
unusual silence.

Not even the birds'
playful chatter fills
the space anymore.
Crazy squirrels race
through the courtyard,
even that is not
enough for the addict
of normality within
the soul of me.

Maybe if willing lovers
search for me here
they will walk away
before they are
close enough to see
all the excess baggage
you left me with.

What is with today's world
when everyone feels like
everybody's nothing,
because magazines
and television plauge
so many minds
daily.

Theres fire and ice
everywhere you look,
but its far more
Noticeable
within each of us
longing to put
our spark
out.

No one goes to the
mirror anymore to smile,
"There's the reflection
I admire so much."
Though they should
all of us are so
beautiful.

It's gotten so bad
that driving past the
high school I saw a
cathartic scarecrow
just waiting to
influence more of
us to be like
her.

What is with today's world
that we can't be satisfied
just by being ourselves?
Why must they make
us feel so small
when we know
that we are truly
amazing.

If I were a snowflake...

I would no longer be
the odd girl out,
or have the human
desire of payback.
I would like that,
to be a snowflake
would be amazing.

Maybe I could land
in a glistening field
of memories somewhere
in Germany, or fall
in front of a beautiful
Sunset on Alaska's
last winter day.

If I were a snowflake
I wouldn't mind it at all.

The devil's promise is all
I can remember
about our lovely summer.

So many midnights in
Rome running around
waiting for stars
that would never
show up on time.

All our confused illusions
painting a new sceen in
such an ancient place,
as we laughed with such
tenacity in the streets,
only to smile at all the
strange faces frozen in
that hillarious horror.

Or that afternoon
we were sitting outside
sipping coffee a little
too bitter, and that mad
man walked up to you
with his cryptic message;

"Watch out when she
cries, love never
causes tears so
perfect."

When we just looked
at each other in
confused amazement;
what exactly did
he mean anyway?

The memory book is
covered in a velvet
crush plum color that
reminds me of the shirt
you wore on the plane
trip home.

As hot as the sun was
and long as the days were,
I hope you still think
of it as fondly as I do;

Honestly and truly I
am pretty sure we
fell in love that strawberry

summer...

In the dead of night:

I don't know what else
Noises like this can mean.

There are supernatural
Heros and secret games
Eliminating all hopes of

Desperate needs to go home
Especially leaving here
And when you are so
Dead like me from the pain.

One mistake and it all
Falls apart for you.

Not this time when I have
Immense reasons of the heart
Going one way with me as
Heartbeats quicken again
Tonight under the meteor storm

Mollie screams every night when I put her to bed,
"Mommy, don't leave me! Walk a little straighter, Daddy!"
I don't know what it takes to soothe her anymore,
nothing seems to do the trick to mend her heart's sore.

"I love you, sweetheart, I do,
Daddy always has,
together we always will,"

I tell her as I pull the sheets up to prevent
the deadly whispers from getting to her head;
such a perfect little girl now a destroyed
beauty, what happened here?

Was it the scarecrow she met at the fair this year, with it's wild eyes and mouth frozen in fear; could it have been the way she heard the
ocean whisper when we got lost on the waves?

she only has one life we
agreed and we know
so why's it so hard to live?

When I walk away she is fine, few moments later
He hears her cry as she asks, "Mommy, which direction
is home, mommy, which road will bring me back to you? Daddy, come help me please, where am I daddy? Which way do I go?"

I don't know what I can do
we lost her somewhere
in between hope and despair.

You're swimming in dangerous
waters, sleepwalking down the
busiest streets, and trying to
convince us all that there is
another sun, when I can assure
you that there is not.

To you friendship is tears
in the rain, completely
unseen, unnoticed, yet there
to catch you when you fall.

Now maybe you will understand
why I've spent my life for you

just

waiting...

The warm glow from the cigarette butts blinds me slowly,
The smoke fills the delicate air poisoning those around me,
But it does not matter now, I am calm and so are they.
That's enough for me if nothing else.

Grey speckled silver wisps dance around me
And fill the room with a sense of familiarity,
Its not that I'm addicted so much as it is I enjoy
The nostalgia that fills me with each breath.

Memories of those close to me and the past
I used to live moment by moment.

Who would have known something so simple
Could mean so much to one person.
If you found this, you know who you are,
Thank you for making me feel this way.

I will never understand why you
Do the things you do. Or why I
Just cant ever seem to help you.
But I am glad you are in my life,
Even without talking, I guess I
Know you are still ok by the feeling
In my heart every time you
Cross my mind. Is that enough
To know thzt a person means
More than everything to you?

Anyway I just wanted to say
I miss hearing from you. I love
You so very much. Have a good
Evening please. Oh and don't forget
To remember me so I can
Remember not to forget you.

With love,
Your dreamer forever

Someday you are going to understand
Why it never worked or felt so perfect
With anyone else.

You will be given back every pen you
Have ever lost and everything you spent
So long being unable to say.

And when that day arrives you will set sail
Utop the world's most brilliant ocean
Waving goodbye to the shallow shore
Of loneliness you have grown so
Fond of.

There will be a new song stuck on repeat
Inside your already crowded mind
And a fire in your heart that will
Never go out.

At that moment Love will be
In your grasp. This is true love
This is it...

Everything you have ever wanted
Will soon be yours.

You can sit there staring at me
With that unreadable look in your eye,
The sparkle is gone and the smile
I love so much is fading by the second.

I cant see you, really I never could,
But now all I have is that picture in
My mind when I close my eyes...
Its falling apart, missing all the details
I thought would last me forever.

I cant see you, I know you're still
Here though. Or rather still there.

All our pretty little songs are playing
On repeat and they just wont stop
No matter what I do and the things
You used to say as sleep gently
Pulled me away or when tears called
The shots for me are all the words
I hear when I dare to dream now.

You are somewhere new without
Even leaving, you are not the person
I spent so long believing you were.

Someday you will find this,
That much I know. When you do
The countdown is over, the promises
Have been forgotten, and goodbye will
Not be said this time.

But something tells me you are
Not planning to come back any
Time soon, so just don't come
Back at all, have fun.


P.s. somehow though, I will continue to love you
Even after the ends of time and until Death dies.

This time Alice is searching
for the Mad Hatter and has
all the muchness she could
Ever dream of.

Its just that he left
Wonderland without
saying goodbye...

Or rather she was forgotten
there, left to watch it all
fall down around her
as she stands so completely

Alone.

Cheshire erased everything
except me. He took the queen
all her heads and hearts,
Even the real story that
belongs in this book
trapping me within blank pages.

And if you find this
I am sure you will

Understand.

Its just that I thought you
should know I am
going to use these pages
for something new
with very different
characters and a world
you will never see.

And someday when this
becomes a classic you
will remember how you had
your chance, but you chose
to walk away without leaving

Anything.

Welcome to Wonderland
my Mad Hatter, I'm so
displeased to announce
that none of it ever existed

I am sorry to announce this
but you all need to know that
I am not who you think...

The things I do are dream like
they don't ever make sense when
I do them and afterwards I
can never seem to rationalize them
or understand what was going through
my own mind...

As I sit in this Christmas decorated,
friendly coffee shop filled with strangers
and people I know I have cut too deep
I find it hard to believe that I do
not know who I am anymore.

I feel like an alien in this skin,
waiting to break free of the ridicule,
of the pain it seems I cause so often...

I am scared and weak,
vulnerable even...
I think...

Then again, it's difficult to tell
what is real and what is not.
I write too much in my head,
this demented Wonderland I
created by mistake and it is
beginning to drive me
just a little mad.

So if you are reading this now,
and you think you know me
I am so sorry to announce that
you don't and you never did.

Because how could you know
someone who does not even
know them self?

I wanted to make things right,
to heal the wounds I caused
so maybe once again I'd
be able to sleep at night.

Broken hearts with pieces too
small to see and too sharp
to catch, souls shattered all for
a love just trying to please you.

We don't get what we want
barely have what we need,
you are so perfect you hold
more than this hope so gaunt.

I don't really like to rhyme,
to lie, cheat, or steal, but
there's not much to do when
you're wasting important time.

So making this short,
stopping the pain here
I am apologizing for it all;
putting the ball in your court.

You were right, I was wrong
you have it all and I have none,
because you deserve more than
a lame, cheap, actress's song...

Life is life and as so
often as is the case gets
in the way of living.

But here in this world
you create there's something
preventing twists and twirls
a reason for hoping - wishing.

It's a place unlike
any other, in between dreams
and reality, a story begging
to be put across silver screens.

Peace is so hard to
come by these days,
until a soul finds you
then pain and sorrow melt away. . .

Time is time and as so
often is the case
passes us by so quickly.

Does any of it ever stop
or does it just keep going,
screaming for a break?
You keep us waiting.

Promising a slow drift,
a ride across simple waves,
this simply elegant place
is somewhere everyone craves.

Candles delicately dance,
chimes sweetly sing
your smile shines so sweet
here is perfection,

fit for a king.

...****...
someone's here to visit
they want to know your name
..............Ding..............
Everybody's outside waiting
we have creativity to show you
W...H...O...O...S...H!
Somewhere the wind is racing
sharing all it's secrets
with the ever present rain.
.......Drip.......
Come on, get up, we have
people to meet...
....................Drop...
Drip...
...........Drop......­.....
................................Drip...
...Drip...
........­..............Drop...
Follow me to a place
unlike any other
across the seas of Time
and Death's lingering breath
Ding...
..........****..........
We have arrived
somewhere indescribable
C...R...A...S...H...
a world caught between
your moving melody
and nostalgic notes
.......Dring.......
Dring...
................****...
This is all your fault
you got me lost within
myself craving
more of your blissful

perfection

I swear I tried to enjoy
the holidays filled with love
and laughter, surrounded by
close friends and sweet souls,

but it is difficult to slip into
***** interactions presented
to you while the romance is
gone and has been for months.

I didn't miss your birthday
the way you let mine slide past
and I wished you all the best
holiday like beautiful experiences.

So this time you can't say
I left you high and dry or
locked out in the storm
though I will admit if you

ever make it back I will
be tempted to do something
of the sort, because in a way
that is what you're doing now.

Like I said, I tried to enjoy
the parties and presents
paired with all my favorite dishes
and most special people.

Only my mind kept going back
to you, what could you be doing
or maybe even where, did you
have another awkward party?

In the silence all I hear
is the steady hum of an
unnecessary air conditioner
in the middle of our coldest
winter yet.

And the steady but melodic
click clack of a keyboard
as my laptop gently rises
and falls with the pressure
of each key and the breathing
of me.

I guess that really isn't silence,
after all, but it should be
when you are used to people
fighting in the background
or music blaring with
lost hope.

And I read what so many others
write, commenting to the best
of my ability, only something
keeps getting in
my way.

Why can't I be as great as them
and where did all of my inspiration
run off to this time. Am I all alone
or is it coming back
someday?

So in this stillness that is not
so still and the silence that
is actually quite noisy
for some

I am searching for my muse
wondering where she could
have gone.

If you see her walking down
the street or passing through
your dreams would it be too
much of me to ask you
to send her back
my way?

There's a locked box sitting in my closet.
It's decorated with pictures of us
and all the people we've ever
wanted to be. Written in scratchy
letters and tear stained ink
are your very best quotes.

As much as I love that box itself
I think you should know what
is dying inside the belly of
that beautiful beast. All the
nicknames unwhispered
between the protection of
night and warm sheets
gone unsaid -

unheard

for so long.

The promises unkept
and shattered dreams.
Scenarios and lyrics
you recited in my dreams
as comfort are lingering -
caught in silky
spider webs.

Guitar picks and letters, pencil drawings and
a colorful ring. And at the very bottom
of that sad, lonely box, folded sweetly,
tucked safely beneath everything
else my soul weeps. Withering
away as it promises to

be better

in its next life.

I know you are used to
wasting precious things,
like time and money

as you waltz around
carelessly you stumble
through your loft
in New York, New York.

But elsewhere strangers
of a different life
smell your alcohol stained
breath as they try
to enjoy the stage.

They think the circus
is just fake - that
the clowns wipe the
make up away
at the night's end.

And the ring leader
screams "Happy Birthday!"
to a kid in the front row
with a huge grin.

The lions behave
because if they don't
they won't eat.

Elephants eat peanuts
and wear ridiculous hats
because they do
what has been asked

every time.

You've never left the
city, so you wouldn't
understand.

But if your worlds
were ever to collide
you'd be the biggest
waste of a ticket.

You'd be the clown
with the biggest shoes
and the most vivid
painted face.

And at first you'd be
like the audience,
you wouldn't believe
any of it.

But soon

soon you would
learn just how real
it all is. . .

Once again I sit here
in this busy coffee shop
listening to the drama unfold
between lovers lost and
kids sipping hot cocoa
while mothers read and fathers
are still at work, at least
that's what they say.

There's an artist drawing
heavily in a sketchbook
there's an anime character
with eyes like fields of
bluebells, she's beautiful
just like him.

Everlasting days pass quite
quickly when I'm here
watching people getting caught
in the virtual spiderwebs of
internet surfing and the
moral strength of ignoring
cheesy compliments with
unhealthy intentions.

Now that I think about it,
I'm probably better off without
this nonsense, but i enjoy it
far too much to go anywhere else.

And I'd ask you again if you have a lighter
I'm not smoking yet, but I think I might.
I just need something to take me away
'cause these dusty wings don't seem
to do the trick anymore. There's a tower
blocking my only ray of sun shining hope
and everyone seems to test my luck
not that I have anything left on my
lucky streak, it all died when your ghost
decided it was more fun to linger here
reminding me what it's like to be the one
haunted instead of the one haunting.
****, I miss those days, being the one
everyone muses about in their dreams.

So I'll ask you one more time, if you've
got a lighter out here with you. I swear
I'm not smoking but I just might.
'Cause I'd leave every memory of you
of us at the station if it didn't already
know the way home. I'd drop them off in
a box outside the shelter down town,
but that only works with puppies and
kittens too cute to keep. (shush don't
correct me, I don't have the strength
to break again.) If it helps, I'll just
hold the cigarette between my bleeding lips
I'll taste what I can as harmlessly as
possible and when the smoke finally pulls
away the last piece of my life source
I promise to say you tried to stop me
but I wouldn't listen because I didn't
know how. Don't worry I'll find my way out

someday.

There's roses still in a prettily painted vase
sitting on my desk wilting away as they
cling to summer memories long gone.

After all summer came to her end
months ago when winter claims the lands
and froze the crashing waves as they
stood at sea waiting on us to return

once more.

Locked boxes fill the room each one
with something dead inside trying
to live again in the nostalgia tainted heart
of the collective soul you call "God".

And everybody needs you, no matter
what they say, I'm still pleading Time
to take me away. But when I get my wish
when Winter finally wins, I need you to
promise me one last thing,

Signs will be flashing and people will be
calling your name day after day and
all will say the same three words. Ignore them.

The exit is this way.

With ribbons twisting in her curly blonde hair and
a sparkle in her eye she watches her dad stumble
into her room so he can kiss her good night.

"Daddy, walk a little straighter, Daddy,
you have to be alright. Mommy says the sunrise is wonderful,
but first you have to make it through the night."
she whispers, her arms reaching out.

She hears little voices outside, in the hall,
as Sleep gently pulls her away and
the surroundings begin to fade.
Every day things are fine,
it's when the stars are out that the
quarrels begin and mommy's heart
breaks just a little more.

Safely dreams come to the rescue
taking her to new lands
of ice cream and candy, with castles
made of flowers and she's the princess
with unicorn friends and shadows that
don't come out to scare her
as children tend to find as they play.

In the morning, daddy comes in
with a smile plastered on his face
and an air force suit draped over his arm,
"Sweetie, I'm going away for a while,
I hope that's okay. Just remember,
I'm always here in your heart."

As she begins to cry as all little girls would,
he notices the sun coming in from the window
it looks like a hallow above her sweet face.
He remarks how painfully beautiful such a sight is,
and as he hugs her one last time

the words escape her mother's cinnamon lips,
"Do you feel better now?" before walking him out
and locking the door.

As you go walking past I have to ask
if you even saw the look on her face
when terrible things were words unsaid
that ate her away,
disobeying the hands of fate.
Your little Darling is growing up so fast
in a world so lost and you don't seem to do
a thing about it.

They are all animals out there,
it's a dog eat dog world out there.
That's what everyone says, well,
maybe not, but it's something like that.
Bitter, lonely, and above all depressing.
And as day break arrives you think it will
all be just fine you fed her and clothed her,
taught her how to bathe and listen authority.
But what good does it do
when she's not living her own life?

And when you see her finally having just a little fun,
satisfied just once, cuddled up close to someone
she loves you throw a fit and say she's too young.
But there's nothing happening, they are
right before your very eyes and everything
feels okay for once, but you
don't want it that way.

You want her to fear you because
you need the control.

And you care in front of people because
you have to or she goes away and so
does all your stupid power.

Don't worry, I know what's going on,
that's why I wrote this for you.

Hoping you'd see
it's all about me.

All I'll ever ask of you is to feel my love
oozing from every heart in the room
when I say those words, those
unnecessary things that are said
too much but mean nothing now anyway.

Don't look at me with those eyes,
or come 'round here wearing that cheap
cupcake perfume. One day the world's gonna
end and everyone's mind will be thinking of us
laughing on park benches and singing in allies
for dancing shadows as everything envied us
so very much.

You keep leaving without a second thought,
you keep coming back to lay the world at my feet.
And when you're here you're not. When you're
gone you're here.

Baby, don't look at me with those eyes,
you know I'd do anything for you,
but Baby, this time it's over,
we're through.

That's what you said, so if that's what you want
okay. Just know the world's gonna end
tonight.

"Bring on the rain, if you feel
you must. I stopped believing
in you a long time ago. The monster
is you, not me the mere mortal
in your pittiful little book. Walk away,
if you can't keep an open mind!
Be someone decent if you're going to
have them all call you 'God', especially
when you don't deserve it,
in your bitter haste to judge us all.
No longer the apples in your own eye,
so bring on the rain, if you feel
you must! It would be such a sweet
lullaby at your own final night! You
don't deserve to reign if you
can't take a little rain."

Screams
the ******* the street corner known
for singing the lonely ballad of the forgotten
to all who dare walk by. What happened to you,
my fallen angel and when did anyone get the idea
it was alright to trample the flower just
because she was small enough
to be forgotten
again...

Everybody needs you, no matter
what they say. But darling, you're
swimming in dangerous waters,
with a fake confidence that they fail
to see past, a single fallen rose
in a city garden lacking flowers
and love. Oh how you remind me
of the muse behind the classics
that everybody knows.

Baby, this isn't paradise, that much
I understand, but you have to make it
okay before it can ever get better. You
have a blank canvass at the turn
of every moment and the people laughing
at your creations just wish that
they could do the same, even
though it's so clear that none
have the same talent.

And you hold on to those red plastic
guitar picks, the ones he gave you
right before he left, as if the moment you
let go you will be face to face with
Master Death. Oh my dear, you remind me
of myself, because it's true, you are.

Just please,
please come back to us
while you still have
the chance.

You think it's so easy for the impulse
to ignore you, for them to let you win,
to fight the feeling of being yellow
yet again. Only they tell you to let
them win this one so you can have
the next, they say you need to take it
easy and just imagine what it's like
to stop time, stand still and have
the world at your feet.

They test you at the hands of fate,
and make it sound so simple to give
your power away, but Baby, don't
give in to their tragic little lullaby,
you're so beautiful, our precious angel
from more than just the sky.

I try to write about you, but
it's so hard, when you toss
my words in the trash and
say that it's all a lie.

Somebody does care
about you, they want you
to have the very best.
There's at least one person
out there willing to give
you their all and someday
you'll see that, or I'll die
in vain. Because Sweetheart,

you deserve
so much better
than this.

Day after day
she goes about
her usual rut
thinking

that she is
the unlucky one,
once more
elegantly wasted
at the hand of a
never-ending flask.

And the gloves don't
come off anymore
because they are
all she has left to hide

what she can.

Broken daemons
make her miss
the last train home
as they convince
her that she's still
daddy's

princess

even though he's
been gone for years
without a single word.

She sings the
ballad of the
forgotten

as the Aztecs
laugh in their
pre - orthadox
graves with
knowledge of her
fate she has not
yet grasped.

But there is
still so much
hope for a

misguided

princess

in this world,
there is so
much potential
built up within her

beautifully

crafted

heart.

And now whenever I visit
the little art museum down town
I go to the cafe overlooking
the ground floor gala and buy
a single black coffee

before climbing the rickety
stairs to the top floor. I sit by
the window, on the white ledge
where artist once set up
their easel to paint whatever
lovely interactions were happening
down below on the beautiful little street.
And I feel the sun coming in
through the glass gently
reminding me of the good
feelings around as I look across
the room at the people reacting
to the painting we love.

The painting hung crooked
(at the artist's request the
staff assures.) The painting of
a man's lips pressed to another's.

The painting that could be anything
but is surely something. The face
man is handsome with messy hair
and the other is featureless with
an interesting stare. There's no telling
who else that is, there's no promises of
a gender or point. It could be a liberal
statement allowing politicians to see
we should be able to love who we love
freely and equally. It could be a
philosophical representation of
finding ones' self.

It could be a moment the artist
remembered fondly and vaguely
or strangers they watched from
the same place I currently sit.

As I sit there in the warm glow of
the world losing myself in vivid colors
and design, I sip my coffee easily,
the way you taught me.

Wondering who else looks
at that canvass larger than
us all only to see themself
and someone
wonderful
they love.

With a tear in your eye you smile,
"Your superstition sweetens my day
and soothes me from the thought of
things creeping alongside me without
my knowledge. And in your arms the
candy coated lies are actually
believable once again."

I try to satisfy your cravings for
the painful things unseen to just
disappear and to answer you with
honesty when you jokingly ask,
"Does she look like me?"

but Baby, no one will ever
compare to you. No one
will ever look the way
you do when the shadows
dance across your face and
your smile lights up every
dark corner in this place.

There is a love that you don't
understand when a man cheats
on his beloved wife. The only
thing is, when it ends all he can do
is pick himself up again and
mutter through gritted teeth,
"Baby, tell me this, does he
treat you well? Does he look
like me?"

No one understands, no one gets you
like I do and I'm so sorry that I do
the things I do. Just remember,
I didn't do anything any other man
wouldn't do. Especially by loving you.

Dear *,

Try to understand glass wounds from
broken beer bottles and bitter secrets
of scattered memories whispered
almost delicately from lace like
dancing shadows waiting on the beaches
in Venice for innocent passers by
to miss and muse from

aren't always so easy to take. And
remember how you promised to wake
me up from the creases between sleep
and death when everything was fixed
again, but you didn't so it shouldn't matter
that I'm gone now.

You had your chance to save me,
you did nothing. Now's your chance to
grieve, please don't cry for me.
This was not my doing as I always
intended it to be.

Try to understand that ghosts can only
wander so far before they linger
back home and stories can only live
so long as they are still told to eager
listeners moments away from being
tucked safely into bed as dreams make
their way into the room

awaiting the innocent bliss of a child's
sound slumber. Yes, I know its a bad
comparison for you, but it's all I've got,
I will return, so please just

try to understand.

I know you were already here,
that I missed you by minutes
and maybe a second or two.

The words are said so easily,
so much that they don't seem
to mean anything now.

But just in case the cliche's
and corny messages make
you smile the way they used to:

Be mine, you have my heart
I love you, I miss you, hug me,
kiss me, and know that I...

I am always thinking of you,
because as it implied by the day's
commercial theme, I LOVE YOU.

Happy birthday,

May your smile outshine
the beautifully dancing
sun in the perfect blue skies

today.

What's it like?

To be another year older
and finally free as the birds
we used to watch from the

open field?

I wonder if

you have plans with the girl
of your dreams or tickets to
the concert down town of

your favorite band.

But whatever

the day holds for you
I hope it is amazing,
happy birthday my love.

Our adventure started in 2011
with paper, pen, and an open mind
there were so many possibilities
and we started over again and again.

We had the world at our fingers
and anything we'd ever be able
to need. So we set off playing with
color that aroused too much emotion
and lines too bold to fade along
side stories too deep to write.

Time went by swiftly each draft
improving just a touch and the
ink blurred perfectly with the skin
and bloodied sweat that created
our prize winning formula.

Somehow we ended up here,
three years and a million pages
later with a work of Avarice as
the only thing we could proudly
display for the world to see.

So if these words find their way
to you, I just want you to know
that the beauty we became, the
artistry we created, and the way
we moved at every little bump in
the road shaped us. Molded us.

Resurrected us.

In a loving

ink drawing.

Sometimes
I fell I know how much
. . . you love me. . .

I feel like
sometimes you miss me
. . . . . . . and that hurts you. . .

Now
I am a monster
. . . . . . for scaring you away. . .

Sometimes
I want to love you
. . . but I can't. . .

Sometimes.

Smile for me my darling,
smile pretty.
Show your joy to the world
and keep doing what you love.

Come on, look this way,
pick your head up ***,
pretend you don't worry
and dry your eyes once more,
show us why we live.

Smile for me my darling,
smile pretty.
Pour your heart out
remind us what beauty is.

We want to see you,
to know you the way
your tongue knows your teeth.
Smile for the camera Babe,
look this way

and

smile pretty.

I will not break on your shore
but I will rise with the tide.

And I will be there
everyday
only I won't be there
ever.

You can have my soul
just not my heart
because soul break is less
likely than heart break
and even though it hurts
so much more it kills you
taking you away
from
everything.

And right now
that sounds good
to me.

It's not that I
won't love you
or that I can't
trust you,

I'm just not
going to hurt

anymore.

For anyone.

Ever.

And the ashes can't be forgotten
because people can't forget
what they've been taught is
important but others stand there
listening not understanding.

That's how i feel.

I keep a camera in my bag
at all times, I never like to miss
the things going on that manage
to make me smile. Children playing tag
in the street while moms make dinner
or the way petals hang just right on a rose.

Honestly, there's a rhythm to the world
that artist capture on film every day
and all I'll ever ask is that you give me
the chance to be like that.

It's not something you can search for
and find so easy; there's more to it
than that, there's the adventure of getting to
the moment, the right place at the right time.
i keep a camera by my side everywhere I go
in case I find the kind of beauty
I can only wish I possessed.

But really,
in the end,
it's not so bad
hiding
behind the
camera.

And i know im not always the best listener,
i get sidetracked and confused i
lose myself in my own little world.
I know im not the girl of your dreams,
i don't look good without make up
and im too big in some areas and
way too tiny in others.

I know that my heart is falling apart
its tied together with all sorts of
useless things and my memory holds on
to more of the bad than the good
but I try.

I am also a dreamer, so i imagine what life could be.
I imagine me and you.
I think of all the places we could see and things we could do.
I envision you happier than ever before
and sometimes I let myself pretend im
the reason for that joy. So right now I'm
seeing the world so much darker than it
really is, but tomorrow, I promise I'll see
the blindingly good side instead,
so long as you'll give me the night

to make the change.
Oh and I know my heart is small,
but i love you with every ounce of love
everyone alive or dead has ever had to
give and i love you for so much more
than just that.