This time Alice is searching
for the Mad Hatter and has
all the muchness she could
Ever dream of.

Its just that he left
Wonderland without
saying goodbye...

Or rather she was forgotten
there, left to watch it all
fall down around her
as she stands so completely

Alone.

Cheshire erased everything
except me. He took the queen
all her heads and hearts,
Even the real story that
belongs in this book
trapping me within blank pages.

And if you find this
I am sure you will

Understand.

Its just that I thought you
should know I am
going to use these pages
for something new
with very different
characters and a world
you will never see.

And someday when this
becomes a classic you
will remember how you had
your chance, but you chose
to walk away without leaving

Anything.

Welcome to Wonderland
my Mad Hatter, I'm so
displeased to announce
that none of it ever existed

I am sorry to announce this
but you all need to know that
I am not who you think...

The things I do are dream like
they don't ever make sense when
I do them and afterwards I
can never seem to rationalize them
or understand what was going through
my own mind...

As I sit in this Christmas decorated,
friendly coffee shop filled with strangers
and people I know I have cut too deep
I find it hard to believe that I do
not know who I am anymore.

I feel like an alien in this skin,
waiting to break free of the ridicule,
of the pain it seems I cause so often...

I am scared and weak,
vulnerable even...
I think...

Then again, it's difficult to tell
what is real and what is not.
I write too much in my head,
this demented Wonderland I
created by mistake and it is
beginning to drive me
just a little mad.

So if you are reading this now,
and you think you know me
I am so sorry to announce that
you don't and you never did.

Because how could you know
someone who does not even
know them self?

I wanted to make things right,
to heal the wounds I caused
so maybe once again I'd
be able to sleep at night.

Broken hearts with pieces too
small to see and too sharp
to catch, souls shattered all for
a love just trying to please you.

We don't get what we want
barely have what we need,
you are so perfect you hold
more than this hope so gaunt.

I don't really like to rhyme,
to lie, cheat, or steal, but
there's not much to do when
you're wasting important time.

So making this short,
stopping the pain here
I am apologizing for it all;
putting the ball in your court.

You were right, I was wrong
you have it all and I have none,
because you deserve more than
a lame, cheap, actress's song...

Life is life and as so
often as is the case gets
in the way of living.

But here in this world
you create there's something
preventing twists and twirls
a reason for hoping - wishing.

It's a place unlike
any other, in between dreams
and reality, a story begging
to be put across silver screens.

Peace is so hard to
come by these days,
until a soul finds you
then pain and sorrow melt away. . .

Time is time and as so
often is the case
passes us by so quickly.

Does any of it ever stop
or does it just keep going,
screaming for a break?
You keep us waiting.

Promising a slow drift,
a ride across simple waves,
this simply elegant place
is somewhere everyone craves.

Candles delicately dance,
chimes sweetly sing
your smile shines so sweet
here is perfection,

fit for a king.

...****...
someone's here to visit
they want to know your name
..............Ding..............
Everybody's outside waiting
we have creativity to show you
W...H...O...O...S...H!
Somewhere the wind is racing
sharing all it's secrets
with the ever present rain.
.......Drip.......
Come on, get up, we have
people to meet...
....................Drop...
Drip...
...........Drop......­.....
................................Drip...
...Drip...
........­..............Drop...
Follow me to a place
unlike any other
across the seas of Time
and Death's lingering breath
Ding...
..........****..........
We have arrived
somewhere indescribable
C...R...A...S...H...
a world caught between
your moving melody
and nostalgic notes
.......Dring.......
Dring...
................****...
This is all your fault
you got me lost within
myself craving
more of your blissful

perfection

I swear I tried to enjoy
the holidays filled with love
and laughter, surrounded by
close friends and sweet souls,

but it is difficult to slip into
***** interactions presented
to you while the romance is
gone and has been for months.

I didn't miss your birthday
the way you let mine slide past
and I wished you all the best
holiday like beautiful experiences.

So this time you can't say
I left you high and dry or
locked out in the storm
though I will admit if you

ever make it back I will
be tempted to do something
of the sort, because in a way
that is what you're doing now.

Like I said, I tried to enjoy
the parties and presents
paired with all my favorite dishes
and most special people.

Only my mind kept going back
to you, what could you be doing
or maybe even where, did you
have another awkward party?

In the silence all I hear
is the steady hum of an
unnecessary air conditioner
in the middle of our coldest
winter yet.

And the steady but melodic
click clack of a keyboard
as my laptop gently rises
and falls with the pressure
of each key and the breathing
of me.

I guess that really isn't silence,
after all, but it should be
when you are used to people
fighting in the background
or music blaring with
lost hope.

And I read what so many others
write, commenting to the best
of my ability, only something
keeps getting in
my way.

Why can't I be as great as them
and where did all of my inspiration
run off to this time. Am I all alone
or is it coming back
someday?

So in this stillness that is not
so still and the silence that
is actually quite noisy
for some

I am searching for my muse
wondering where she could
have gone.

If you see her walking down
the street or passing through
your dreams would it be too
much of me to ask you
to send her back
my way?