Body

I glued my legs together with black berry jam
The sweetest spread

She said I’ve got a problem with parents
And I said what about when you are one
And she said I never will
And I said you already are

We cut when we’re not brave enough to die, just yet just yet

What is a bird cage without a bird?
                    Decoration.

Chain linked silver around my neck, a against my neck your hand. On my sides, Calvin Klein. Against my sides your hands. As you graffitied my back for the class to see, you defaced a worthless property. Molested, like a pre picked flower. In early January. Almost dead anyway, at least that's what she thought she heard that he had said. But it's hard to hear over the thundering laughs. The scribbes across her back, sunk beneath her skin. She tried to convince herself it Was about what you lacked. She's almost dead anyways, why not pick her too soon.

To die before July, would be an awfully big adventure.

Your face fell between my thighs, cradled, rock-a-bye, never eat more than you can handle. Always use your forks and knives.

As I caress your porcelain neck, my hands start to get a better grip. The cry comes out as *****. The self pity, in tears to blend with the water below. All drains lead to the ocean, I begged the current to take me away with it's flow.  Because all you can remember is 16 year old you...happy about food on holidays. While your mom harasses you to hate yourself. She said," Go! Go stand naked infront of that mirror and I can be certain you will never be happy about food again." And so I carress you, with bruised knees and a broken heart.

The drugs I do tonight, will be good enough.
The graphics are fantastic, I broke the 3D glasses in half. Mortal combat, combining souls. I want to make love on lsd, paint a picture, & die happily .

P L O P P E D, PLOPPED YOUR FAT *** ON THE COUCH TO READ A BOOK THERES NO PROOF THAT YOU DIDNT HEAR ME. ITS YOUR FAULT ITS YOUR FAULT ITS YOUR FAULT YOURE SO STUPID YOU HAVE NO COMMON SENSE YOU FAT LAZY COW!

Sleep to banish the sad, sleep to seep up the tears from my face, sleep to reap the benefits of death.

It's was so cold,
That I was almost warm,
I stared at the chamber,
As if it was a vast abyss,
Six bullets stared back at me,
My numb fingers wrapped around it,
This weapon?
This choice?
This life provider or taker?
Savior or Damner
I stared into the eyes,
Of a boy who told me he loved me,
As he wrapped me into his arms,
I thought that if I held him long enough,
The pieces of him that mattered most,
Would go back into their space,
I was wrong,
Cause tonight,
I've never been so petrified in my life,
I told the boy who ripped my world to shreds,
I loved him,
As his tears fell down his cheeks,
His mind racing on wether or not,
To take his own life,
Or the mother of his life that caused him,
To be in this situation in the first place,
He sobbed into my shoulder,
And released his burdens into my waiting,
Hands,
I wonder what would have happend,
If I wasn't there for the boy with a broken heart,
Who broke mine.
Tonight

Between the burning and me
Between the sheets and me
Between the knife and me
Between the *** and me
Between the blood and me
It all burns
It all bleeds
It all screams
Were empty
Yet the cuts still aren't deep enough.

Funeral this evening,
They say they'll bury you at sunset,
I feel nervous inside,
Not because your dead,

Insides twist, and leap away from my heart,
My scatter brained emotions,
Always fleeing with the start,
They're going to bury you,
I'm scared to throw the Rose on your casket,

After work in the bathroom,
I'll smear gloss across my lips,
Shadow on my eyes,
I'll have to sign my name in a book,
To prove I was there staring at your dead face,

My favorite part about funerals,
Are the driving in the car,
Slowly creeping behind the hurse,
Your last car ride,
They'll bury you at sunset, it'll be beautiful

Sometimes I put myself out of perspective, out of the ocasion. I stare down at my reflection, the impression i will leave to people. A crazy suicidal teen that couldn't bare the strength, or would they understand I never meant to leave this way. That the whole world was full of adventures, & scenic routes I would've taken. Dandelions, sun flowers, forget me nots,
Kiss me on the forehead tell me it's alright.
And when I go to meet God I'll ask him if your house can be next to mine this time. I'm sure there's room for two...

Your love,
       Like the Holy Grail,
                         I've got to find it.

I’ll use your grief to scratch sweet relief into the bug bite on my wrist

Boxed TV, commodity. Finer print, bigger screens. Wider eyes, popped veins.

I wanted to **** myself, and you were screaming about the ***** clothes on the floor.

I can't give you much, but I can give you the notes on the back of my folder. The blood on my newest blade. And all the stories, my grandfather told me. Nazis & Guns & Death. About love and conquest. Sacrifice yourself, for someone elses ornaments. Hang the lights, horizontal.

how am I suppose to keep you safe,
I can't even protect myself.

I hope someone falls in love with you;
I hope,
They love you in the morning,
Grumpy and tired,
Make up still under your eyes,
Cause you've fallen asleep reading again,
They love you in the afternoon,
Pjs and messy updues,
Miss matched socks,
You never cared anyway,
They love you at night,
When you cave in on yourself,
That cup of coffee & a couple pills of Celexa,
Didn't quite work,
They LOVE you in the middle of the night,
When you toss and turn,
Like your sorrow is bigger than the ocean,
I hope & and I pray, that they love you.
I wanna know that love.

The breath of an animal, hot on the palms of your hands, life being expelled out of them,
The passion driven behind the breathing is unmistakably right, God would have it no other way. It feels the same when your ontop, life from your mouth on my neck. Making me tremble, untamable life form.

One time my mom told me, that I couldn't be a wallflower to my own life. I try to remember her as that woman. I try.

Was that a spiritual blow, my love? Cause it didn't hurt that bad.

Beethoven's five secrets.

I WONDER IF DRINKING COULD CURE DEPRESSION. MAYBE ERASE ALL THE MEMORIES. CAUSE WERE ALL CHEWED UP AND SPIT OUT.  SITTING IN THE TUB AT 7:30 PM CLOTHES HEAVY HANGING ONTO MY BODY CLINGING TO ME LIKE ILL DISINAGRATE I WISH ID DISINAGRATE CAUSE THIS WATER ISNT HOT ENOUGH EVEN THOUGH MY SKIN IS RED IT CAN DROWND MY BODY BUT THE WORDS FLOAT ON THE SURFACE. PULLING ME BACK UP BACK UP BACK UP. JUST LET ME SLEEP IN THIS HELLISH OASIS, OASIS I LIKE THAT WORD. SOUNDS LIKE SOMETHING A GIRL AND A GUY USE WHEN SPEAKING OF TRUE LOVE. I LET OUT A SOFT GIGGLE IT COMES OUT AS BUBBLES REACHING THE TOP FLEEING MY MOUTH. Hallelujah what is love hallelujah what is love hallelujah what is love?

Bees fly into my windows,
Sliding down the panes,
Thinking I'm a flower,
They only do it in vain.

People cannot be your medicine,
Look towards God, he is your bestfriend

Oh-de-la-ly

Lifes like a cart return,
Filled with Cheshire cats,
Bad luck,
You broke your mothers mirror,

Drink from a cup that has been spilled,
He said his life is tipped over,
He gladly went home,

Loves no place for me,
Save your sermon,
It's not sunday yet,

I've got plenty of time to regret,
Future mistakes,
You will never
Deserve,
P
O
    E
        T
            R
                Y
Generally you will,
I only have words,
To fill swimming pools,
So we can drown once again.

Id be lying if I said I wasn't bitter.

Meet me in the middle
Where the threads unwind and whittle
My spine weaves and squiggles
Symphony of sighs
You’re my relief

Poetry is raw to me,
Not packaged pretty,
With big words,
And abbreviations,
But misshaped,
Tangled,
And broken bits,
Of us humans,
Crammed into the folds of our hearts,
Pumping through our veins,
Leaving like an army from our mouth,
Fleeing, into the oblivion.
To me poetry is raw,

I wish I could divorce you from my life,
You ache,
You splinter,
You cut,
You bruise,
You orange juice after toothpaste mouthwash,
I hate you

The mirror is the enemy today

Share,
Keep,
Metacarpals inside me,
Table topped,
G spot,
Phalanges exploring,
4D,
Expierence

Sharp whips on soft skin,
Pores filled with pain,
*pleasure

Nothing makes you feel more fancier, more romancier. Than new underwear, & fine lace covering your *******. Underdressed, I've never heard of such a thing...

Cut jeans into shorts, a bra for a top, & *** kickers for feet. Can't wait for tonight.

Lot of liars built a fire, with tongues that speak in languages only Angels understand. You talk behind closed doors, and pray and pray and pray. Judas, open your eyes kid.

I’ve got to move on from the grave of grief I built you in my backyard. Today’s the first and last day I’ll sit beside your final resting place. When they asked me where I wanted you to be buried I said I didn’t care, because I knew in my heart you weren’t here. You were weaved and wrapped around my veins, all drains lead to the oceans at least that’s what they all say. When I leave your body here and my body there, I promise I won’t forget you dear. I’ll grow my roots to you, circle back and tuck you in. Wrap you in the sweetest linen, and finally let the love in. I’ve got to move on from the grave of grief I built you in my backyard.

And when I think about ***, my eyes roll and not in the good way.

Universe
Uni, one
Verse, spoken statement
And God said,"Let there be"
And there was.

who...the hell am I...the world gently weaps to me...

I can hear you sun star, Avalanche. Madison get your *** up stairs. I ground my palms into the pavement more assure less allure. Sick inside from all the catastrophic disgusting beads of demons in my throat. Id put my foot down but it'll bleed threw this side walk. Two horns & a pitch fork, you gruesome step dad. I know that when I get home, I'll be dead as dead could be. So I'll drive to the nearest cliff. I hope your proud of me. I understand why it was important to write with number two pencils all my life. And when you go to meet God it should be when you're looking. Nice. God I look like a ****.  Xanax DIDNT shut me down like it shouldve. I can hear your screaming now, out down that wip I'll wipe away my own tears. I'll cover up the marks on my back and neck. And tell you I'm sick. Sick & dying. This tile gravity formality is freaking beautiful. If not just Angels, lord take me home. This musics so loud, I took apart my neighbor with a ***** driver. I lost the nuts & bolts. I wipe eyelids on the steering wheel. So sick to my stomsch

The fatness added to the data base,
You're overweight,

She said to me, " you're such a *** head, one minute laughing hysterically over the smallest breathes of air, then you're spewing theology like a college professor"

Glad I was there for you, when no one else was!
I screamed into the vast abyss of your heart,
Poets use the word, tired and exhausted,
So often,
But never using it in the context of the actuality of it,
BECAUSE WERE YOUNG AND STUPID AND BEING MAD IS A TREND,
I fell in love with your sadness,
Before I fell in love with you,
And if that's not right,
Then I'm not sorry,
I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired,
I want to STOP being me,
I can't stand the way people treat me,
No words could contain enough emotion,
That I contain inside my brain,
And it's screaming to get out,
Screaming,
Maybe it's just me,
Or maybe it's you,
The way I'll never be enough for you,
i don't even care about poetry,
I don't care about anything,
I just want to sleep

I thought of you, when you thought of me.
I deleted all our memories off my phone.
The ones where we're smiling,
As if in a few short months,
We didn't know we'd be nothing to each other,
You gave me a quiet hey,
I gave you a simple nod,
We asked about each other's lifes,
I found that quite odd,
Because it feels like just yesterday,
You knew me better than myself,
But you told me about your new job,
1500 a night,
Taking your clothes off for girls,
As if that was right,
I asked jokingly if you charged extra for the guys,
You nodded without missing a beat,
I felt chocked up inside,
I just grinned and said I remember when I got all of that for free.

Romeo & Juliet, more like ***** & stupid *****.