Depression is like waking up sick, everyday since the last time that you could remember. You carry around the cure, in the unkempt form of your mind.

And God asked me if I could ask myself something. I think all he wanted was honesty, when he found me lying there. Across a textiled comversation about darts & Kings. We played a couple rounds, & got drunk on jealousy. My God is a jealous God. Jealous of himself. Because he is us & I am not me. I left my door open for the moths to climb to my ceiling fan.

You play hop scotch on tiled wall of bathrooms to houses you don't live in.
This fish bowl is empty, I'm moving in.

All the dead people, are always the life of the party.

I think I'll miss you forever.

And God, I'm back to being nothing more than the games kids play on the back of cheap cereal boxes. Incase you were wondering, I gave up.

I'm late to meet my bestfriend in the entire world, average. Leverage, not special.

you make me want to write, you make me want to fight, to wake up in the morning with clean wrists.

Can you be mine?

Grace found me in the backyard, in the closet of the upstairs linens, folded neatly. Keeping me hidden, so out there in garden. He sent me away, in the staple box. Back on the path.

We wrote our love, in the seams of tomorrow's dream catcher. Praying they would last longer than reality. But I only sleep with pills, and jack Daniels.

One time someone told me,
         They had chosen words for me,
                           I cried,
            Casting them into the ocean,
  They were words I would've never spoken,
                       Please do tell,
           Did you ever know me at all
  I watched as a wave swallowed them whole.

I live for rainy days,
Up hill hazes,
And beautiful gazes,
At a boy who says he loves you,
Only after midnight when he's other girlfriend is fast asleep,
Wandering through a wheat field in mid July,
Sunburned back,
And heated heart,
God give me the strength,
The orchard is my home,
Bees everywhere,
Apples ready to pick,
Winter cold and frosted,
Across your concerned brow,
We stay cold, you refuse to light a fire,
You're the only one who says sorry with a smile,

I cuddle deeper into your ciggerate coated hoodie. Taking in the scent, making me sicker. But it's so comfortable.

The worst things last for 30 minutes
The best things last for 30 seconds
Life happens between those moments.

You killed the author of life, but God raised Him from the dead.

Tonight I'll brush & cut till the dread locks, are no more.
I'm not me anyway

Scare crows sit at the fence of all my thoughts, picking out the dead things.

I've got a couple 50's where my two bestfriends use to be. They don't know it yet.

I watched the eel, **** the fish.
And I didn't stop it,
I guess curiosity is to blame,

Open says me,
Open says I,
Open says heart

Today I made love to myself with the windows open
The breeze blew my legs ajar
The wind whistled and tickled me all the way to my core
Today I made love to myself with the windows open
Mother Nature called me a *****

Shade and shifts and gears and grinding
Outer space, rocket ships,
Blasting off
O-zone

Send me back, all the unopened, postage notes. A penny or two for my thoughts. Lay me back against the cushion or your words. Be my bestfriend again, write me poetry you don't have to make me believe I am lovely. Just touch me, you were the only one who really knew what was going in below.

Cause it works

My thighs frame your cheeks,
Tambourine tantrum in the sheets.

Will you show me where our equator meets?

I know you like the grains in my canoe,
That Ive spent hours painting,
I know you like the Bob Cat,
Ate the cat next door,
Like the bag of coke,
Someone forgot to smoke,
We played with it till we got lit,
Each other eats it's own kind,
He screamed, "you're a dangerous woman in heaven, you're a dangerous woman in heaven"
I'm just a teenager,
Who traces tile floors cause I'm bored,
Who likes laces and fine wines,
Even though I haven't drank any,
My head is filled with books,
I'm hungry,
But you say its worth it,
To not eat of the same kind.

Laying in a bed of flowers,
Built on your words,
Alone,
A mane of hair framing my face,
Your body blanketing mine,
Toe curling kisses,
Your mouth to mine,
Sighs & moans bouncing off our bodies,
Intimatetly bound underneath the sheets,
Nails to back,
Gasping for breath,
Your hands guiding my hips,
Making love to you requires no skill,
Only love and free will,
My eyes stare into yours,
Sweat dripping down your face,
I realize Id always want you,

I wished you lived next door, maybe in the next town over, not in another state.

Dread head, blond crown of hair. Surfer dude. What are you doing so, far away from home.
I watched, as he decapitated a squealing piglet.
Wondering maybe he's too close to home.

Soft tendrils, fall to my feet,
The shear slice befor the break,
Freedom,
One more,
One more,
One more,
One more,
One more,
One more,
I fell asleep a lion,
Aloft.

It's the kind of puking that you don't recover from, when you're hunched over the trash can and you have enough time to side glance and admire your spine in the mirror you forgot to clean. * if I go over the lines one more time they'll blow out* I tattooed your abuse inside the medicine cabinet, where I go to meet Jesus every Tuesday night. When Friday seems to far away, and your fist so close. It's not just a memory this is a legacy. Trash can duets.

I’m tired of talking myself out of ledges that shouldn’t even be in the equation. I’m tired of my finger on the trigger to a gun that I never asked for. I’m tired of leaping and shooting my way through this life.

Stabbing & slicing & killing, they lived happily ever after. Just the right arrow, from just the right Lost Boy. Pierced her heart, straight through.

POETS ALWAYS TALK ABOUT THE SEA AND THE SAND LIKE ITS ROMANTIC. THEY SAY THE TIDE KISSES THE BEACH EVERY TIME IT COMES HOME. BUT TO ME IT LOOKS A WHOLE LOT LIKE ABUSE. THE WAY THE SEA REAMS UP TO COME CRASHING DOWN ON WORTHLESS SPECS OF SAND THAT USE TO BE SHELLS AND LIVING CREATURES. NOW BATTERED TO THE POINT OF NOTHINGNESS. SO NO TO ME IT REMINDS ME OF NOTHING ROMANTIC. IT REMINDS ME OF 3AM SHAKING AWAKE COVERED IN SWEAT FROM THE NIGHTMARES OF YOU DAD. YOURE THE OCEAN AND I AM THE SAND. FOREVER LONGING TO HOLD YOUR HAND. WATCHING AS YOU LEAVE OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN COMING BACK TEN TIMES ANGIER. NOT SATIFIED UNTIL I DROWND.

I'm not drunk enough for your garbage,
I'm goin home.
Ten thousand steps,
Hup hup hup

I look at the cracked screen, blistered. Shards ripped, fell into the earth. Glass on my hands, glass in the dirt. Glass in my feet, it doesn't really hurt. Glass in my brain, not fully comprehending what I've just done. Grounded for life, & one broken phone. I'll pay for it to be fixed, I pay for it anyway. But what I pay for most, is the lack of responsibilty. Please lecture on, about my carelessness.

Throw me off the Empire State building,
Cause I'm in love with you,

Jesus Christ DONT let me wake up from all the screaming, jesus I won't wake up again.

I'll keep you illustrated, in the back of my mind.
The revolving doors on your eyes, make me fearful of life. So vast, not understanding how whales are thoughts that swim buy. Eating up all the krill in your coral mind. It makes sense,   to always drive on the left. Your just passing by...

I waited for the chamber of absence to leave the extracting anomaly of nothingness of your eyes. They're still just as bright.

Your hands belong on my hips, pressing against the warm smooth skin, your fingertips dipped beneath the lace on my *******.

Get it right or get out of here.

They played in the Garden of Eden,
After hours, when the street lights when out,
And the pavement cooled down,
They drank from green hoses,
Fine aged wine in a different world,
He gave her a boost,
Soft hands on bark,
So close to touching the moon,
The earth beneath her,
No fragile wings opened,
They chopped down the tree the next day,
No Garden of Eden,
And no little girl to play,
He spends his days making paper airplanes,
Thinking of the sky that took his bestfriend.

Whiskey weekends,
I promise im saved,
Round two,
Hands in the air,
Or on me,
Sweat dripping,
From lust filled minds,
Dance dance dance,
We laughed,
Over the glamorous house party lights,
He said im gonna get you so drunk,
You won't remeber what you said,
I said lets gooooooooo,
It's not beds,
It's walls and couched,
Keep it classy,
I'm too assy,
He said,
So many things,
As the clothes,
Dipped off the skin,
Saturated telephone poles,
In my drunken daze,
I looked up,
Whispering,
I promise I'm saved.

This house pulls you in and taunts you away
Drowns you with its quickest current
Dunks you into these cigarettes walls
Takes you to war like the soldiers that came before,
Before your small family packed yourself up quietly
Moved in to be shaken up
Spit back out and swallowed up
The tiles dig into your feet, making you run or stand still
The pipes rattle and sing you a war song
The lights flicker or don’t come on at all

Sometimes I like that best
This house isn’t a home, it’s a burial shroud of the grass never being greener on the other ******* side
You will never get out of this tide

The daisy on my dresser, the only thing left I have of you. The book you never returned to the library, 8 years over due, the coffee stain on my mattress, I forgave you. The smell of mocha frappes fill my nose at night. I miss you.

Im not the marrying type.

Snaching up Galaxies, I can't remember if it was Jobe who declared "HOPE AGAINST HOPE" but it spoke to me. Flames sparked, the waiter looked at me like universes would be overturned if he would've looked away. Hope, against hope.