In the shower lullingly, he's outside the bathroom with a belt. I don't want to get out.
Slugs & spiders tail.

My family is chairs, they squeak an groan,
They splinter with the passing of each day,
Each one of them empty, man made particles from a factory, blind to the fact that your daughter hates you, & the sound of slamming doors & unresolved arguments put her to sleep at night, menu closed. What's the special today, a platter of immature insults with a side of fake kindness. Is this check together or seperate. I'll tip the waiter cause everyone else has left....

God, if your listening.

Want to talk about aliens?

I hope someone falls in love with you;
I hope,
They love you in the morning,
Grumpy and tired,
Make up still under your eyes,
Cause you've fallen asleep reading again,
They love you in the afternoon,
Pjs and messy updues,
Miss matched socks,
You never cared anyway,
They love you at night,
When you cave in on yourself,
That cup of coffee & a couple pills of Celexa,
Didn't quite work,
They LOVE you in the middle of the night,
When you toss and turn,
Like your sorrow is bigger than the ocean,
I hope & and I pray, that they love you.
I wanna know that love.

I could write goodbye poems all night,
But all I'm good at is staying,

He said " I hear your cry above the ocean"
And like the ocean his love overcame me,
I sat there weeping,
Praying God set me free,

Our conversations curve like this road.
" You know that Ian kid? Who lives just up the road? He's always wearing backwards hats, those ripped up jeans and black shoes?"
Yeah, he's a little cutie.
"Well his older brother is a very handsome man. He dresses just like that, but I think he's a punk. "
Maybe I'll talk to him.
"Why would you want to mess around with a guy who doesn't care about anything?"
Maybe he'll change.
"You don't hook up with someone hoping they'll change"
I do

I'm not sure what I'd bring to the table at the end. His hair slicked back with malice and bad intent, the slimey words spoken into my ear at night,"daddy issues".  My lord loves me. I don't have daddy issues!!! I HAVE ISSUES WITH DADDY. Get it straight brain, give me a break.

I hope I break my neck, on the way down from the back steps of your ego.

Where's my zig zag,
I watch you sleep on the elephant pillow,
Small talk,
Sick whispers,
Light hops,
Down steep staircases,
You drift back to sleep,
Leaving me in reality,
It kills to see you this weak,
Under the weather,
Under my sweater,
I keep my heart clenched in the fabric,
You grumble,
Your chest rises & falls,
You're alive.

I don't have to look at the clock to know what time it is, my body decomposing after the last ring on the last hour of the day. All my composure & magic dispersing in the garden. I wrap the blanket around the rags to stop the bleeding, seeping out from my pores. I've held out my hand so many times, to be bitten & framed for so many crimes. I've never commited, but yet I'm still commited to you. I've got no fancy slippers, or ballroom dancing shoes, just ten toes painted red.

Grief is fear and fear is love tapped out the excess and call it absence. My throat closes up, I like to be choked but I have no daddy.

Boot legged lawsuit, ***** tapered tapestry, cry yourself to sleep...

Lastly but not leastly,
I've found a home within a home,
I planted myself here,
Without any permission,
Butting in with no invite,
So much relief I've found in this program,
I've fallen in and out of love with myself,
I found words I never knew existed inside me,
Content now with my goodbye,
They say I have to grow up,
This place distracts me from the now,
Even though the now,
Is a place I never wanna go to,
Probably filled with bright lights and more responsibilitys,
Inhabited with people I never wanted to meet,
The smells probably sour,
She said from a fence to a leash,
But the probability is a chain,
I'll come back,
When I'm done being grown up,
If any of you are still here,
Outty five thousand,
Keep it real ya hear?

****** over, ****** up, and ******* done.

And I will, read your works. Knowing which one was for me, when theres dots between the words & phrases begin to hyperventilate. About kisses & vortexes. Piano keys, and bad impressions. And all I will think about, is all the love we left. Between those paw print sheets...

Teeth ache, head ache. Quick silver moon take. Vegan virgins verify your vast minds. Suit & tie lives. On that next level style, knock you down of few bars. Next door, they scream & cuss & kick & yell. We live in the middle of no where, no neighbors in sight. Close my eyes, & take a deep breath...

Do I have to display my pain on stage for pay? Do you need to hear the crack in my voice to earn the coin? To know the sincerity in my lack of integrity is worth the paycheck.

You stole the word,"Nuzzle" from my vocabulary. It's a boundary I will not cross,
A lime light loss I cannot deal with. You're a warm cup of coffee beneath my finger tips, a little sweet; a little bitter. A Sunday night, you said goodbye. And never woke up in the morning.

Hey,  my moms having the baby today

Forgiveness looks a whole lot like hell,
A closet full of books & no shelves,
I wouldn't know if I did I wouldn't tell,
Your voice makes me sick to my stomach,
You use fear as your weapon,
Your so wimpy,
You coward of a man,
Walk with Jesus upon the waters,
I'll watch you drownd,
He'll float above the waves,
You'll never reach my thoughts,
I picture you for eternity,
Building sand castles at the bottom of the sea,
Everytime you inhale,
A new death,
12 years and maybe you'll know what it's like,
Living a life,
Where breathing is like a knife,
You're no believer,
You worship your own God,
In the mirror,
You can't scare me anymore,
Next time you extend your hand to enforce a blow,
I'll respond with a gun to your head,
I'm done with your pointless games,
My mom should've never married you,
I can't wait till you're dead.

His hands found my waist like a thirsty corset, haven't heard from him since.

I watched an astronaut,
Sit on a park bench,
And fish for the universe.

The scales, black and silver. Hidden under bathroom sinks, coaxed out by desperation and longing for change. It breathes cold fire and hums beneath my nervous finger tips. Protecting its treasure, my self confidence. I ride on its back, with shakey legs, covering my tear stained face afraid of heights and steep numbers.

I let it drag its deep claws into my wrists, down my thighs. Letting is squeeze the word ugly from my lips.

There's a fire in the second building,
Of my brain,
I got out of the shower naked,
& didn't feel any shame,
Heels hit pavement,
Quickly,
Sirens blaring loudly,
I sat with my head propped up against,
The frame of my heart,
Listening to it beat,
I didn't have a chance,
As the flame locked up my calves,
Silence shook the halls,
Beds filled with sand,
Hotel for the broken,
It hasn't rained in days...

The biggest vortex of twisted emotions, lie between an oxymoron and bad news. Good grief

My phone turns the word **** into poem without thinking about it. If that doesn't scream beautiful then I don't know what does...

My mouth is like a garbage disposal

My head hurts,
Lifes a teaspoon of get the hell out,
Makes me sick to my stomach,
I surround myself with materialistic objects,
I cannot mend wounds,
In places I can't reach,
I can't ask a God who loves me,
Because he knows I'm already rotting underneath,
My fish died when I got home,
**** it.

Nothing in these cabinets could satsfy her hunger. Just cuts and blood along her wrists and hips curved her appetite.

le soleil, literally translates to; "the sun". I've studied it so much. That the bindings on french dictionary's know my name. And ask me honest opinions about words on the pages. I say nothing, because think of nothing the but the sun in your eyes. But it was just the fire in mine. All second glances are not meant to be

I'm waiting for you to come back, I can't picture anything but your face drowning. As I walk along the waves that took your last breath. I cry, by the side of the river banked lapping liquid. Crystal clear clarity, you're dead & my bestfriend will be burried. Bloodless, gutless. Used for research. Perhaps. Megan hasn't stopped crying, but she didn't love you like I do. Did. I hate canoes.

Zero percent, care free Lima bean. I feel fine, listening to the kooks, & a **** between my knees.

Chain linked silver around my neck, a against my neck your hand. On my sides, Calvin Klein. Against my sides your hands. As you graffitied my back for the class to see, you defaced a worthless property. Molested, like a pre picked flower. In early January. Almost dead anyway, at least that's what she thought she heard that he had said. But it's hard to hear over the thundering laughs. The scribbes across her back, sunk beneath her skin. She tried to convince herself it Was about what you lacked. She's almost dead anyways, why not pick her too soon.

I miss, when you use to read everything I wrote. Even though I was a ****** poet. You traced each lined phrase with those hazel eyes, & told me each was your favorite & took your breath away. Spent my nights on fire, and my days off the hook. Running with you. Into a future I hoped was possible. But I haven't seen you in three months. Summer fun I guess, you left me with a goodnight. So I'll leave you with have a goodmorning. But im not leaving. You're silver dollars & pockets full of lose change. That Id like to gather up & cash it in for a forever with you. I want to wake up with you.

I wonder if you ever ******* knew what was in that hole, that hole. That great divide in time & space. The ghostly masterpiece of your disappearance. If you've fallen in, did you die? Everybody knows your name, it was our secret place. A forged identity, a solitude of symphony's. All you ever knew though, was ozones. I'm starting to wonder if you became one. I sit outside the looking glass.

Loves a fragile thing he said
You're my bestfriend she said
Months go by,
Seasons pass,
I devote my life to you,
All you want is my ***,
You called me after each class,
Telling me how much you loved me,
How you couldn't wait till you got home,
Home,
You said I was your home,
Your only place to go,
The girl of his dreams,
Beyond of beauty queen,
I held onto those words,
Hoping the world has changed,
Praying this man wouldn't play that game,
You started drinking more often than not,
Got high with friends,
Then you forgot,
Forgot about me, myself and I,
That a whole world exsisted out of reach in your intoxicated form,
I forgave & and forgived for months,
We'd fight after you'd leave the party,
Your hands finding my lower back,
Your thumbs pressing into my hips,
The stain of alcohol on your breath,
You'd lean your forehead into mine,
Whispering darling everything's gonna be fine,
I believed,
Your sister said she loved me,
You transferred to a school in New York,
My lover the archeologist,
Spending his days digging up old dead stuff,
But he never found our love on his escapades,
We video chatted everyday,
I didn't have the money to drive that far,
Your parents had your car,
The distance started growing,
More than the miles between us,
The fire we had now I dull roar,
You supriesed me at the movies,
But all you did was bring hell,
All I wanted was a hand to hold,
A chest to lay on,
All you wanted was a breast to *****,
And a hand to feel me up with,
Your hand slithered its serpenty hand,
Down my floral shirt,
Found its way to my ******,
Making it hurt,
I thought I wanted this,
I THOUGHT I WANTED THIS,
My heart began to race,
As your hand found the lace,
Hugging my hips,
I excused myself to the bathroom,
I haven't seen you since,
I thought I wanted this sexually atmosphere,
I thought this was the love all girls wanted,
*** is lovely,
When your not a young naive stupid little girl

Get out there, get out somewhere, get out from beneath your lair. Hometown homicide. Moms house hand me downs. Where everyone knows your name...or how you got it.

W
  H
    O
       R
          E

You play hop scotch on tiled wall of bathrooms to houses you don't live in.
This fish bowl is empty, I'm moving in.

Were all just dancing bears, kissing daiseys. Pretending that were okay.

I put my idioms on the window sill, to see if they would grow.

And I am sorry world, that my hair is always up, and my eyes always down.

I miss the beat up dog house,
On the top of the hill,
Where my shaggy bestfriend would bask,
Quiet and still,
I remember the day they tore it down,
I miss the squeaking of your wheel,
And the soft sound of you chewing,
Where my bestfriend would snuggle,
I remember the day we emptied it out,
I miss the quiet shuffle of paws across the dresser,
The claws batting and my toes at three am,
And the soft wet nose on my hand,
I remember the day I carried all your stuff upstairs,
Bundled you up, and watched them drive away with you.
Each time I cried, but the last time I cried loudest.
See my bestfriends had four legs and fur,
Now they're all gone now the haunting thoughts have no cure.

I want your lips to learn every inch of me, and your fingertips to follow suit..

I don't understand simplicity or the beauty in it. It's hallow & holds nothing worth keeping. It is a book on a shelf, the first hole on a belt. A guitar with no sound. I don't want to look at life, I'd like to live it. & if the road I have to take is bumpy & jagged. I'll sure as hell ride a office chair tied to a crate full of aligators. Snapping & gnashing their teeth. if we fall into the freezer, for a deep sleep I hope my body is torn to shreds, my heart to a pulp, my mind a wasteland. Dried up in a draught, I'll give you all this wisdom. If you're fed up with simplicity.

Your words, slosh around an old bird bath. The paint chipping underneath the water. That's not very healthy, for my fine feathered companions.

Pills in plastic, I wanna do acid.*
       Pancakes with lattes in the morning
                Long legged lighthouse

                I don't have a lighter
              You said dont worry
             Your mouth found mine
             Among the kitchen sink
                 Well thought out
                Like buttered toast
                 Everything on fire
             I just need a dose of you.

His art it so pretty,
But he touched young Brittany,
He said she wanted it,
I just played his music louder,
I still wear his hoodies,
And I still sing his songs,
I wonder if young Brittany would sing along?
Am I horrible

I took a bath in alchohol, to clean the wounds no one could see, all the sins washed away.
I let my hair down, and took a walk in the wind bare.