Weave your
nightgown
out of the
darkness.
Modesty
imparts to
your nakedness
willowy grace.
I thirst for
clarity.
I want
to drown in
the white bones
beneath it.

  ~mce

when the checkered flag waves
and the street lights fade
promise me we'll stay the same
and when the roads we've paved
all go astray
promise me nothing inside you has changed

I made you in the sand with trembling hands,
and waited for the tide to come.
And as he came crashing, we two sat laughing
at the world for finally giving in to our demands.  

New Zealand's rolling hills came rolling in after,
and we drifted off together, soaked in love and laughter.  
But when the Ocean dried, and childhood had died,
I spent years trying to make you again.
But your beauty was something that I couldn't capture.

if you are missing him, remember this. remember how cruel he was to you, how every time he drove away the moonlight made your skin look bruised, it made you feel soft. remember that you are not. you might break but you will always heal. think of the nights where he turned away and refused to let you touch him, nights where he moaned your best friends' names into your mouth while you tried to prove how much you loved him, nights where he'd refuse to stop yelling until you put your hands on him. do not think of his hands, or his mouth, or any of the bones in his body. they're not for you. they're not for anybody but himself and you should pity the fact he doesn't know how to love them. you gave your best to him and he crumpled it up until it looked like your worst. don't feel sorry for being emotional, he was a gaping wound in your chest and things like that deserve a good cry. if you're missing him, remember how distant he was, how when you'd sink down on him he wouldn't be looking at your face. how his shoes were always graffitied with the numbers of other girls. how in the middle of a date he asked another girl her name. I know it hurts, it's going to be okay, I promise. remember how unhelpful he was? how little he cared, moving so fast he could never type the 'I?' he blamed you for loving him too much, for being too sad: both things were his fault. I know it doesn't seem like it but I promise there is somebody much, much more lovely, somebody who will treat you like a cloud, and won't throw a fit when you start to rain. you just have to wait.

my parents said yes to you coming and
staying in our home here because
you would like to take me to a
dance this year.

they said "they won't do anything,
because we'll make her sleep in
her mothers room."
but then they said nevermind because
they know they can trust me.

"you can see it in her eyes, all she wants is kisses.
she's made it very clear what she wants and
what she doesn't," my aunt said, thank god.

and now all i can think about is
us sleeping in rooms right by each other but
not being able to hold one another but
somehow finding a way to make it
be possible at 2 in the morning when
nobody is awake.

god, i miss you.