Madisen Kuhn

Madisen Kuhn Jun 2018

we are taught by the rain

the soft water,
the heavy tears

a mother who runs a bath, without asking
she just knows

trench coats are worn only if you care
about getting wet

when you swim in the ocean,
you do not know the difference

learn
to float

to catch the droplets
on your tongue

to run naked through puddles
forget your galoshes at home

and you will understand

this is a custom poem written for a giveaway winner.

Madisen Kuhn Jun 2018

lovely

i am envious
of what you have,
but not
of who you are

regardless,
it withers me

instead of watching
your garden grow, even if
i find it
utterly dull;

perhaps,
i should start digging up
the earth in my own,
neglected plot

and observe
what becomes

I often find myself wanting what someone else has, especially if I feel they are "unworthy." I wrote this to express that feeling and attempt to correct + redirect my negative, unhealthy thoughts. Why not give all that energy and attention to my craft and see what grows?

#jealousy #jealous #envy #pride #resentment #bitterness #bitter #me

Madisen Kuhn Jun 2018

pure

who would have thought i would become so obsessed with clean? not
my mother, who’d nag me to pick up all the clothes scattered across
my bedroom nearly every day of ninth grade. we rarely saw the floor.
i’d sleep beneath books and laundry on my half-made bed. now i
scrub dishes, scrub counters, scrub the floor at night because i can’t
stand the thought of a ***** kitchen—little cockroaches scurrying
in and out of pots and pans. my home smells of lavender oil, a soft
mist, air cleansed by a pink-glowing himalayan salt lamp and plants
in the living room. now i put things away in drawers, close doors of
rooms that are the slightest bit messy. now i straighten books on the
coffee table, set the remotes parallel to one another, everything must
be in place. now i floss, wash my face every night, stare in the mirror
and repeat i am clean, i am clean, i am clean. now i burn my skin in the
shower, inhale the steam until my breathing is slow and my sinuses
are clear. i am clean, i am clean, i am clean. now i fold the laundry, stack
our clothes into two piles, his and mine. i make our bed, i organize
our shoes by the door, i kiss the man i love goodnight. i am clean, i am
clean, i am clean. i know what my father must think, i know he loses
sleep, i know there are holes in his tongue where his teeth have made
a home. i am clean, i am clean, i am clean. i know he wishes i still went
to church, wishes my boyfriend believed in a god, wishes i was clean.
i am clean, i am clean.