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 May 2016 Maddii Lloyd
Karmen
20 years old
I already feel so old
And have felt so much hurt
But still I continue to grow
I've done so much
It would last my lifetime
So much more to do
Before I turn 30
I've lost so many friends
That at 20 years old
I wonder where they're all at
If they're alive, dead, married, homeless
Who the hell knows
Before I turn 30
I have to many friends to make
The memories we'll make
As we continue to age
Soon to replace those
Dumber younger days
At 20 years old
I have been through so much
Stuggled ony own
With my heart in hand
Never giving up hope
And fighting all the tears
Many heartbreaks
Still in repair
My dreams falling into place
Before I turn 30
There's so much I must do
I have just these 10years
To finally see
Myself be set free
To being the person
I've become pieced together
From all these years
What a site that will be
To see when I turn 30
Cause at 20 years old
I'm already at shock
At how far I've come
And really grew up
Life is really a crazy thing
Don't you think
But what a beautiful thing
To be only
20 years old
I know there's that one time where you couldn't see the real me
I know I've been here a long time and time is never easy
I'm difficult to please because I always want the best
But when I do I want it for both of us.

I look young but my hands will say I'm old
I can't die yet because my body needs me still
And I can't fail my mission in this second life
Because I promised I would stick around for her.

She's so young, only 17
And I'm twice her age but she's like my deadly queen
She left me and her body behind
Now I must take care of it for her and I.

I look young but my hands will say I'm old
I can't die yet because her body needs me still
And I can't fail my mission in this second life
Because I promised I would stick around for her.

She's not my queen but she knows she can count on me
I'll look after her body though she won't come back.
In misery, but there's nowhere else for me
I must go on and hope she can live her dream.

I look young but my hands will say I'm old
I can't die yet because her body needs me still
And I can't fail my mission in this second life
Because I promised I would stick around for her.

My heart is old and you think I'm her
But I have respect for me.

27th April 2016
This is a song that describes the love-hate relationship I have with the body I must look after. It's someone else's but she left me in charge of it even though I'd rather have a guy's body. I hope you like it :)
I know girls who go through boys like they did toys on the playground
I know girls who pick at their skin and pull at their hair
I know girls who look so hard for love they give out their heart like it's extra change
I know girls who split their skins to stop the pain
I know girls who are so angry they are hateful, even mean
I know girls throw up in the bathroom after lunch, pretending no one heard them when they come out
I know girls with the universe in their eyes yet they can't see a star
I know girls who give themselves away to feel like someone cares
I know girls who hate their moms
I know girls who hate their dad
And I know girls that would rather die then be caught wearing a dress
I know girls who take too many pills, girls who party a little too hard
I know girls with strait A's since they were 6
I know girls who have panic attacks
There are girls with bones and girls with curves
Girls with hearts as cold as stone
But even with all the types
All the girls
We're all the same
Same love in our hearts
Same soul buried beneath layers of our skin
Truth is
We're all hurt
We all need each other
Girls need girls to get through what girls go through
This is a little rough but it's a poem about all the kinds of girls I've met and observed through my 16 years. Some u was friends with some I hardly knew. The point of this poem is to say every girl needs some body so us girls should be there for each other.
I can't keep my eyes off you
So I'll ask for them back
I hope you didn't put them on velcrow
They're delicate you know!
But you should know
That I'm always here
In case you want to be one with me
Its your choice
Its not life or death or anything
But if you want
I'm always here
Cats **** on your clothes
On purrrrpose
They sound like sports cars
That's why everyone wants a feline
Just not their ancestors
Well, maybe the ballsy ones
The door was left wide open after i had left the room,
Returning months later to find it unfamiliar,
Redecorated in the stlye of who you wish to be,
And who you mimic.

No longer feeling safe within the walls i once trusted unequivocally,
It feels so strange to be sitting here, unable to find the things i left, the things i loved.

Hidden under new wallpaper are the words we wrote together,
I only wish to read them once more,
To relive just a fleeting second of a time where no sorrow could come.
But your new decorations block my view and i may only live in memories.

Had i stayed, would we have mainted our decor, i often seem to ask. A question i'll never see answered, the one loose thread, unraveling the rest of my thoughts.

I cannot stay here, too strange and unwelcoming, alienated where i once called home.
Yet i still don't wish to leave.
So all that i will ask of you, is to close the door behind me.
For i could never lock myself out.
I will only hope, that if i should return, i should find all that cared for, pride of place, in the room that i called home.

I wish i'd never left.
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