where does it go
after this
when all is said and done

will you flit in and out of my life again
or
will i see myself out of yours

(save myself a little hurt)
(maybe)

or do we meet somewhere in the middle
not strangers,
but acquaintances of some sort

to be honest,
it's been so long
that it's hard to imagine
a life without you

but please,
don't get confused,
this doesn't mean that i want anything back
i wouldn't change anything
(except the timing)
(would have maybe tried to see the rug
before it was pulled out from under me)

rest assured,
you do not have the power any longer

it's just
strange
to think of my life
without you in it

i love new york
and you
(i think)

i like to get out of the city
sometimes
it feels like escaping

silly,
i know

since you're never around
and
we've not done much here
(in a city of hundreds of zipcodes
our moments were contained to a few)

but still

new york will never be mine
and it'll always be yours

you're tied together in my mind
(there's no escaping that)

and massachusetts
might be my home
maybe not anymore

i know nowhere to call my own
(even the apartments are temporary)

but i had thought
i'd carved a spot in your arms
nestled against your chest
that from the place in my bed
that i could call home

but i was wrong

not me
still don't really know

trying to soften the inevitable blow
(not really trying)
(too busy enjoying this)
(trying hard to not look forwards or back)

but there you are
and i am here
and sometimes
i open my eyes
wipe the sleep from my lids
and find
there you are
in bed
next to me

and i know it's stupid
to let myself
melt into your embrace
feel safe
exhale the breath i've (apparently) been holding

but
i can't help it
don't really want to
i'll try to prepare for the pain

but,
oh,
it will have been worth it