See, I can smile
Like the sun only shines on me.
But with every wrinkle and every fold,
Every muscle that works to create this fallacy on my face,
It hurts more than the pain,
I try to keep hidden inside.

Look at those stars we claimed our own,
Picked them one by one and named them too.
Now as I look up to the sky at night
Tears, I try to hold back.
Fighting to make myself believe what you are..
Only a lie imprinted in the back of my mind,
Slowly fading into the dark.

I have learnt to forget memories,
The ones that hurt the most.
I have learnt to not look at a star
And wish that things could be bright.
I have stopped dreaming,
Knowing they don't help at night.
I have stopped waiting,
Because its time that deepens the scar.

When I'm picking up broken pieces,
Of a life that derailed when I lost you to time,
All that remains are your words,
Leaving me writhing in pain,
On endless dark nights.

I understand
I really do
That you got those feelings
That something isn't right
I respect that
I want you to do what makes you happy
I don't want you to be uneasy or unsure
However I would like you to know
That I still love you
I do
And that that while you were feeling nauseous and wrong
I was feeling truly loved and pure bliss
I have never felt that way ever
And I'm glad that it happened
And I wanted you to know
I would have kissed you
I honest to God would have
If my friends and sister weren't there
But I also know
If you love someone let them go
And I'm so glad you told me
Because although you had me
You wouldn't have felt right
And that's what's important
You made me feel like someone actually wanted me
And although it was probably just late night drunkeness
I don't like to think if it that way
I respect you wanting to be alone
And unattached
And no matter how hard it was for me to say 'I gotchu totally'
I really do get it
I just didn't want you to have the impression
That I didn't love or want you
Because I can assure you
Everything was different for me that night
And I would have given up the cold for heat any day
The way I felt
I'm sorry if this ******* writing makes you nauseous
I'm sorry if this isn't helping you achieve what it is you want
But I thought you needed to know
Because I'm just as awkward as you when it comes to talking

what is it now
what is going on
maybe today is just a day
and this sickness is just momentary
but maybe tomorrow will be just as cloudy
and I will still feel nauseous
and my parents will still act hostile for no reason
and I still won't be able to motivate myself
and I will still be glued to this ******* cell phone.

When more than one person calls you unattractive
And all in a matter of only two days
It really does stuff to you

It always seemed light years away.
I never thought the day would come,
or I'd even make it here.
It's unbelievable as to what happens by the time you turn 16.

You make mistakes,
but you have the best time of your life.

Trying drugs,
getting drunk.

Things I never thought I'd do.

All I can really say is this,
I made it.

Through the good and the bad,
I've made it.

Wake up to the morning stars as dew drops fall on silent ground.
The night falls short of a breathless whisper,
As the pitter patter of falling rain drowns all the noise.
Your kiss is an awakening from the nightmare of life,
Struck with poison from a broken arrow,
My eyes bewitched by all that you are.
Tear me into pieces for everything I know is buried beneath lies.
Cover me with your passion.
I
Can't
Breathe.
You've got stars in your eyes
And in them I am lost to the night.

Mid April, during Easter
I thought of the closest person to me
And I thought of you
And slowly, it all went deeper
Early May, listening to you
As we sat on that last blue bench
Breezy, yellow caution tape
You told me how you wanted
Anyone to love you
And I looked into your eyes
Wishing to telepathically say it
But you were looking beyond me
Maybe it was her, or her
But it was not me
And after two straight months
Of texting you about how
I needed someone, anyone to love too
I gave up, and slowly moved on
But. There's no denying
I never fell harder

did I push you off the edge when I left
and did I fly off, unknowingly, after you,
falling aimlessly through the clouds? drifting?
when will I hit bottom?