You told me you didn't like make up so I wore minimal,
you said you loved laid back clothing,
so my style was changed,
you told me that you preferred curled hair,
so I refused to straighten,
you said you wanted someone who was open and honest,
so that I became,
none of the changes seemed to matter,
because it wasn't really me that you wanted,
and in the process you were being pulled out,
and I was sinking deeper in.

I hate to think,
Ten years from now,
That I'm a what an if a maybe
a how.

I hate to think,
Fifty miles down the road,
You'll remember me
And how we shared a load.

I hate to think,
I hate the thought,
That we might not accomplish
the love we sought.

I really feel I lost it,
In a great big tidal wave,
I really feel I forgot it,
To the world I became enslaved.

I really feel my mind had chipped,
My thoughts arid and dried,
I felt no idea of mine,
Could stretch very far or wide.

There's so much I reach for,
But it's all out my grasp.

Oh look, oh dear there's a seam,
Pull at the stitches
In my skin,
Push fingernails to find my sunshine beam.

Oh here,
A little hole,
I push inside,
Scratching for my soul.

Oh dear we go,
Black bats under my eyes,
Little eyelashes,
Woven with lies.

Oh
Rip my nails off,
Push back skin springs,
Bite, bit,
Where do I begin.

I pick a petal from the bud,
He loves me apparently
But everything he's said and done
Prove to me it's not to be.

I woke up in the night and your face soothed me,
Eyes flitting in deep sleep,

I woke up and your precious arms held onto me,
Carrying me like expensive silk.

I woke up one twilight, and you were so vacant,
I didn't recognise you at all,
Your mind was at ease, your mouth the soft breeze,
You'd found happiness in your dreams

I rolled over one night, to grasp you tight,
Then I remembered that you had let go,
No pretty face, no touching my lace,
No tangle of cold feets, all
I could reach were your mean
Empty sheets.

thank you
For being the one
shard of light,
in my cracked grey sky,
for pushing the world around
and pumping my heart
to beat
beat,


beat,
when this world crumbled
and everyone else
depleet.
you
seemed to find me,
hold me
pulled me to my feet

home can be:
a person,
place,
house,
a room,
a lesson,
a blessing,
feeling,
believing,
dreaming,
a country,
the sea,
and object,
a tree,
the breeze,
ironically,
being locked into home,
is what lets you
free.

my hands are webs that let the spiders creep in,
my legs roots for the ground,
a human body is not all I am.

I anchor myself,
yet roll with the tide.

yet I still need you by my side.

Like a fire in a forest,
the illness quickly spread,
from the bottom of his feet the the crown of his dear head.

The illness I speak of is deadly,
and can often not be cured,
and when he finally dies, in the ocean his ashes will be poured.

He lost this tragic battle,
but in memory he will forever last,
because he is every breeze,
every star,
every single blade of grass.

I love you more than gentle rain,
to clutch you more than jabbing chest pain.

move with you like time with the elements,
you eternally in my presence.

to care for you more than the last flower,
for your touch to empower,

the sun to be your pigment,
whilst I just stay a tiny fragment.

I'm swimming,
wading through in my breath,
a sail ship at the back of my throat,
the sails tickling,
making me boke,

the waves, the waves,
they just keep coming,
dirtying me with their salty grit,

creeping creeping,
into my lungs,
hush,
be quiet,
my little one.

it's weird how we used to talk all of the time,
but now there are large gaps and you no longer feel mine.

was I too much?
are you afraid to attach?
or did you just stop suffering from lust?

I want to spend my day only with you,
to do the things that lovers do.

Veins like rivers wielding through,
they lead to my heart,
which beats solely for you.

Love is timeless,
it never exceeds,
nor does it decline,
it's just there,
it wraps you and holds you dear,
when everything else abandons,
but what if love leaves you?
And suddenly you're as if a ship wreck dragged onto a pebbled shore.

I love you,
I'll love you,
If you strangle me to death,
Take from me, every last hope and breath.

Even if,
You grab my tongue,
Hold it in your palm,
Make me pinch myself on my unscathed arm.

Even if you,
Leave me,
Go kiss another girl,
Say that the thought of me wants to make you hurl.

Even if
you said you loathed me,
And ****** on all my dreams,
I would love you,
Til it burst me at my seams.

Even if
you told me,
To cut my hair short,
This is an admiration I wish to not abort.


If
And especially when,
When you take everything from me,
Never to return again.

love of mine,
I will remain yours
for the duration of my time.

through all the blowing months,
and the seconds that seem slow.
you my sacred Granth.

my heart will yearn,
and control won't be mine,
my insides will forever burn.

my body which in-cases
will grow ever hollow
and the fragments of my heart in precious places.

I write and I sketch
All to forget
How wrong I was about this bet

I press the keys of my instrument
Just to neglect
My naïve intellect.

All this works for some time
Until it comes in reflex
And bites me in the neck

The breaths in my throat,
Are stuck like waves lapping at
The sides of a boat,
Willing to be pushed out to shore,

My heart has been stopping,
Then racing,
Like ores on the surface,
Determined to win a race.

My mind,
Has been the *******,
That tangles and kills sea life
And poisons swimmers.

I have become lost,
In theses vast seas,
Just thinking of the amount,
I haven’t explored,
Gives me
So much
A N X I E T Y

Distance lay between,
and time crept by,
but I still have this dream,
And hold onto it I will try.

For so long I have hoped,
I want us to sit on a bay,
Our love to be promised,
For us to muse our troubles away.

I need us together,
Forever we could be,

But I guess that's a long time for lovely you and imperfect, little, me.

You don't care for me,
and that's okay,
because if I were you,
I wouldn't stay.

let's escape,
get away for awhile,
together, anything can be accomplished,
and we will conquer the world,
start our own civilization,
loving everything we do
each new adventure we embark will be magic
other people we shall forget because they're tragic
once we've adapted there's no turning back
more love for one another than we've ever had.

I write about you,
I wonder if you've guessed.

My pen hits paper,
and my fingers tap the keys,
each time revealing,
a small portion of me.

My life and my troubles,
all on one page.

The feelings you give,
it's here I reflect,
on all of the worries I have,
a way in which I can recollect.

these aren't just words,
they are scribbles of me.

I don't know what I am anymore,
all i do is lay on the floor,
thinking of you,
and all of the things I need to do.

I slowly slip to the next room,
and slide away down the flume,
and continuously ponder,
why I've gone yonder.

We're toe to toe,
Nowhere to go.
Pale cheeks,
On dirtied sheets.
I tell you all you mean to me
Bodies fold like origami,
Your sticky skin
And jagged chin,
Cling against
The strewn night dress,
Grasp the seconds,
in you Palm,
Feel them clot in your bloodstream,
Think of me,
When the world is
Mean

sore throat and dreary lungs,
I suffer the pain of carrying on,
heavy like a load on my spine,
the weight that has filled my busy mind.

my nails dig deep,
and nobody knows,
the secrets I keep,
the darkness grows.

I sometimes get a message,
especially from your name.

I often read it several times,
and contemplate as to why.

Why do you keep sending?
Why can't I let go?
Why do I still keep them?
Why do you mean so very much to me?
And why do I still try?

All these questions I can never speak aloud,
bet secretly,
very deep down,
I know the answer to them all,
It's because,
from the very first word you had me completely enthralled.

Let's crease our bodies,
Like paper birds,

Let everything be,
Til we're in our urns.

Swear our hearts,
On the brightest star,

Admire one another,
From so far.

I'm lost in translation
Without inspiration
**** this lonely nation
This god forsaken generation.

This is not a poem,
I'll clarify before you ask.

This is merely just my thoughts,
written with the enter key between.

waited twelve hours for your reply,
the space between us slowly grows,
you across the sea,
and me on a speck of land,
even the miles between us,
cannot show you the length of my love,

twelve hours creep by
lost seconds drift,
as I clutch the casket of my device,
longing for your name to glow,
have you forgotten?
has your day become too full?
these questions I cannot answer,
and I will most likely never know.

I despise the sea for keeping us apart,
for it keeping me away from the tenderness of your heart.

we are strangers in mask,
to disappear,
our task,
to run behind a cape,
willing yourself,
not to break,
to roam lost land,
no one in sight,
to hold your hand.

burn your bridges
Cast of your foes,
still have a long while to go.
Clasp your thick skin,

For you are all your own,
Do not cremate your body,
This temple is your home.

my heart will still burn,
and I know I shall never learn,
how quickly love can turn,
to this pain that leaves me yearn.

I love you
I loathe you
I need you
I hate you

Everything is wrong,
But it feels so right,
You've taken my love,
And held it tight.

I plead you, I plead you.
Pretty please stay.
Don't take this clutched
Admiration away.

I refrain from sleeping,
not because I don't want to rest,
not because I don't long to relax,
but because I dread the empty space between consciousness
and slumbering bliss.

the moments where I evaluate
every single wrong,
relationship,
reasons to be turned off,
and the lengthy time that lies ahead,
how I get from here to there,
and the way tomorrow will flow.

How can you carry on
filling someone’s else’s cup,
When yours is running empty,
And hasn’t been tended to in so long.






       Please give some affection back to me

When he said 'I love you'
His skin turned from dark
To white.

For he had now seen the light.

When he said 'I love you'
The foreign words tied his guts,
his mind.

For this had left him blind.

When he said 'I love you'
Everything was put right,
Except in his world.

He was gone on the next flight.

people who say,
it takes time to change,
don't tell the truth,

because the woman in the sky
always alters,
and that there, is proof.

my mind tangles like
locket necklaces,
i am constantly seeking their
paths,

   i'm not too sure
   how to explain
   what is tucked snug in these
   silver traps

but when i pry them from their tight clasp,
photos from my past,
and thoughts of the present, tumble free,
before snapping closed once more,
but they always catch a part of me.

     these confused gold veins in my mind
     tangle and their hearts snap closed
     in a single beat,
     and
     i wonder
     why i ever opened up
     at all.

we believe in quotes,
and passages from books,
lyrics from hurt singers,
and verses by troubled souls,
we believe in little reassurances that help us realise,
although alone,
this exact feeling has been dealt with a million and one times previously.

love, what a beautiful thing,
it ties me together, string,
by string.

love, love, love,
such beautiful stuff,
it's one step up from  lust.

in love is what I am with you,
and being apart just won't do.

I can step in someone else's shoes
And walk ten thousand miles.

But when I'm back inside of mine,
I can hardly crack a smile.

Time soothes me,
it rounds me like her face.

it's sound is the beat,
that synchronises with mine.

the hands hold me,
so I stand,
the tick of time.

Irony to me,
Is that so many smoke cigarettes
and drink green tea.

Irony to me,
Is that we draw illusions of nature
On paper that used to be a tree,

Isn't it insane
how I give up what I love
because I know it will better you
even if it makes me worse,
it's completely absurd
that I will drive myself away
just so you will stay
how crazy is it
that I love you
even more than I love myself.

If they don't care about your worries,
They don't care about you.

do you mind if I hide
forever more,
for I am not wanted here
and I never really was,
my body repels me
and so do you,
so goodbye my love
because truly
I
am
through. . .