you are my sun
you brighten up my days
you are my moon
keeping me at peace
you are the stars in my night sky
you shine on me at night
you are my entire universe

How could you not
Understand that even though you broke me , i
Really still
Truly love you .

Frequently wondering what’s
Really going on
At this point and time
I’m tired and really need to
Get away before leaving without  
Looking back and pretend you don’t
Exist to me

you have shattered my heart into pieces
yet my love for you increases
i’ve got to have some diseases
to be sick enough and accept this fate
to bottle up all the words i ate
and not feel hate
but to wait
for you to feel the same
in this sick sad game

The Smell Of Books
When You’re Outside On A Beautiful Day & You Feel The SunRays On Your Skin Your Very First Summer Adventure
Seeing The Person You Love Smile & Your Heart Melts
Being Around The People You Love / Adore
Watching Your Favorite Movie
Eating Your Favorite Food
Having A Good Laugh
Hearing Your Favorite Song
Laying In Bed After A Long Day
Seeing Your Dog Run To You
Hugging Someone and Smelling Their Perfume / Cologne
Art
Spending Time With A Signifiant Other
It’s Complicated
Having A Connection With Someone
Amazing
Butterflies In Your Stomach
Acceptance
Fear
Tears
Smiles
Laughs
Cries
Kind
Patient

you ever want someone to treat you the way you treat your favorite book?
but you’re not on the same page
somehow the words don’t come out his mouth
and he can’t form sentences
so the pages have nothing but nonsense
and you don’t understand it
blank page after blank page
he can’t see the value in you
how you form the  most whimsical
paragraphs
and how you got a way with words
but he’s full of typos and his sentences are all over the place
you’re a best seller and he’s a flop

the most simple yet complex feeling ever
is this something i am afraid of
am i hiding behind this mask?
or are you hiding yourself from me?

your lips are full of poison
the way i taste the lies off your mouth
taste bitter
the sound of your voice while you speak those worlds of filth
make me nauseated
word *****
everything you do to me
it kills me slowly

when i see toilet paper i think of you
because you’re so full of ****
and i want to wipe away all the
filth and lies that you have
and flush you down the toilet so you can disappear

i am jealous of the pillows you get to lay your head on when you sleep
because i wish it were my chest you would rest on so you could hear my heartbeat

i am jealous of the sheets you grab to keep you warm
because i wish i were there to hold you so you could feel the warmth of my body

i wish i had some guidance
someone to take me the right way
give me directions
i'm stuck in this maze
i'm in a daze
counting down the days
to get over this phase

i have  been sad these past few days
my mind is in a daze
thoughts of you in my mind running though a maze
i think to myself this heartache is just a phase
while you leave my texts unread and keep it delayed
i sit afraid and think
letting all my feelings sink
knowing you treat my feelings like a kink

Listening
Intensively to
Every
Single lie you tell

i tell myself as i lay in bed
“ you’ll get better “
“your stomachs flat”
“he’s just going through something”
“everyone has their days”
“it could be worse “
“i need to buy all these things”
“i’m running on a time limit”
“it’s me against the world”
“nobody understands me”
“eh it’s not self loathing anymore”
“he misses me”
“he’ll text me soon”
i guess i don’t have any taste buds anymore
i just eat these lies up
they don’t leave a sour taste in my mouth anymore
i palter with myself
i get hungry when i lay in bed late nights
so i feel myself words of deceit
i tell myself all these things that are untrue
all these pretty lies
instead of the horrible truth

Bending
Over Backwards
Knowing that not
Even Once You Would Do The Same For Me
Now I am left Severed

i got tangled in your web of lies

i was the fly that got trapped

interesting
making
people
effortlessly
reflect
from
everything
chosen by society
to
ignite
ourselves
not knowing it’s beauty not to be perfect

i loved you so carelessly and free
like butterflies fluttering around in a garden
my love for you was scared and reckless
like flying a plane for the first time
my only stop and destination was you
i loved you so intensely that i would drink the poison from romeo
if it meant i get to spend the rest of my life with you
i loved you the way a mother holds her
newborn child for the first time
but you ruined it , you wrecked me
you took me down like the berlin wall
now there’s nothing left of me

your name will always be a reminder
as to why storms are named after people
you came and destroyed me
flooded my soul with your waves
of distruction
washing me away
took everything i had and you wrecked it
full force and left no trace of who i was behind
but a rememberence of who you were and what you did

you are fragile
and i want to pick up every broken piece
i want to mend the pieces
make you whole again

at times i feel like i'm going to erupt
like a volcano
or crumble like the berlin wall
or be like humpty dumpty
and take a fall
or break into pieces like the berlin wall
but instead i stand strong like an oak
not this time i will not choke

i thought i only read about our love in books
and saw them in movies
how messy it ended up to be.
how it shattered like a vase
there’s no way we can piece it back together
it was damaged but beautiful
like you

if anyone knew how much i cry
they would see that my tears would
fill up oceans
because of my pent up emotions
it’ll make waves and have them crash
causing a commotion of distress
or maybe even creating a hurricane
out of all the pain
but when life’s a mess
what’s there to gain ?

ever wish you were a raindrop ?
dropping out of a cloud
falling onto someone’s window
having them trace your every move
then disappearing
and having them wonder
where’d you go ?
i wanna be that rain drop
i want someone to follow me and
wonder about my disaperance
tracing my steps

Trying To
Repeatedly Get
All These
Pathetic Emotions / Thoughts Out Of My Head
Pleading With Myself
Every Moment
Endlessly
Dying To Forget & Get Rid Of This Impulsive Behavior

I was born on January 22nd , that makes me an Aquarius , which is an air sign
All I know is that it makes me a chill sign
Which is ironic because I am always dying inside
Walking around like everything is fine
I don't know how to swim and I like boys with the brightest smiles

I am still learning how to be vocal
Other times I am either too loud in quiet places
Or too quiet in loud places

i do not want a love so deep the ocean gets jealous
instead i want a love as pure as child
who loves their mother whole heartedly
to feel something so real
that can’t be concealed
it’ll help me heal

my heart yearns for a place
where i get to call "home"
it'll be my own
just me all alone
where i can learn things and make things
be home grown
somewhere i won't feel unknown
where i can be sitting on my throne
and nothing will be destroyed like a cyclone

to love and not be loved in return
what a curse
that hurts
which makes my heart burst

sometimes i feel like i will erupt like the top of Mt. Evrest
or that i will fall like a broken birds nest
or fail as if life's a test
just because i feel like my life's such a mess
even when i'm trying my best
sometimes i want to permanently rest

these days i have realized that loneliness is underrated
i have become it's mother , nurtured it
maybe even sister and brother
i have learned it's innocence
loneliness and i have grown so fondly of each other
it loves me the way no one has loved me before
it clings onto me
like a new born holds onto its mother
maybe even become it's lover
crashing into each other like rapid waves
or even drowning , maybe even dragging each other down
oh sweet loneliness
such a bitter sweet feeling
it has learned me in ways no has ever done
i wonder when will it be gone
but will this be the end
or have we become one ?
have i become lonely or has loneliness become me ?
are something? have we become a "we"?

do you ever think God gets upset when we don't love ourselves enough ?
to  think it's crazy that he's known me before i was even born .
that's true love , for someone to still love you
wether it's good or bad .

i have been destroyed
like the tower of babylon
i've fallen apart to my ruins
and there's nothing left of me but a deserted memory