my dearest yahnissi – how i wish i never met you. all my life, i waited in silence, in dreams, for a face i could not name, and then you appeared – the angel hidden behind the veil of sleep. when i saw you, i could not believe it. i had found you, and yet, my heart – so fragile, so trembling – could not speak the truth it had known across lifetimes. how could i say your name, when we were strangers, and only one of us remembered? how foolish would i have seemed – to say that my soul had met yours long before this world, to say i knew you like the sky knows the stars. but you had forgotten. was it not god’s will that we should meet again? was this not the echo of a vow once made beneath celestial light? but someone else won. they came before, and still, none held your heart. i waited. i watched. i believed the ending would be ours – you in my arms, and i in yours, as it was always meant to be. then we became friends – and it was more than anything i had ever known. no friendship could match it. no bond could mirror it. the world faded in your presence. only you – my divine friend – only you. our closeness left the stars speechless. the angels wept with joy. and then – ruin. by my hand. at the hour of my greatest weakness, i broke everything. i made the mistake with full knowledge, knowing it would cost me you. because i believed i was unworthy. how could i – dust and doubt – be enough for someone divine? and so it ended. i still see your face – that moment – when you knew. when the truth pierced you. and i’ve never healed from it. my heart has never stopped breaking. for years, your name was all it could say. you haunted my dreams in mercy – your voice, your presence, as though heaven let me borrow you, one last time. and then, god gave you back. and you returned. we had a date. and our date was perfect. soft. innocent. a dream briefly made flesh. when you stepped out of my car, i felt the ache of eternity, knowing i would hold that memory like a relic, as the rest of the world passed me by. i miss you. i miss what we were never given the chance to become. and so i say, i wish i never met you – because in meeting you, i lost my faith in destiny.