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lua Jan 2022
i've picked apart myself
the pieces that make sense
looking through a rose-tinted lense
of being content

i'll walk behind them
my friends who dance
along the lines of more than friends
and i'll clap and smile

i'll keep tabs on them
their pinkies intertwined
awkward and flushed, i laugh at their faces
as i feel a pang in my chest

these glasses are broken
maybe, i ask myself
i don't need it, i say
but i know inside that
i will always wonder what it's like

i'm at the end of the bridge
steps slow and quiet
to not make a sound
i give them privacy
as they share a kiss
tender and discreet

discreetly, i sigh
i'm at the bridge's end and they've walked past me
but i lean against the railing and think
"when will i?"
i remember entering highschool with a vague idea about teenage romance, and how much i never really understood what that meant. but as i grew older and progressed further into highschool hell, watching friends of mine grow closer to something more than friends, i began to understand little by little just from observations. i became some sort of a wingman figure, the person they went to for some much needed advice even though i never experienced anything of the sort, all while feeling a weird type of pain in my chest whenever they did. it was only until a classmate of mine told me how confused and shocked they were when i told them i've never been in a relationship before that i realised the pang in my chest was jealousy. now i'm nearly 18, nearing the end of my teenage years with no experience in my belt writing about love and romance without knowing what i'm actually writing. i know i'm still young and i still have much ahead of me, but it's still something that i think about alot.

here's to all the thirdwheels <3 cheers and happy new year!
lua Dec 2021
when death arrives
it will feel like
a gentle forest breeze
that carries whispers of ghosts in its palms

it will feel like
the earth shaking, ever so slightly
just enough to rattle you awake

death knocks on your door
like a freezing child in the wintertime
and asks for a sliver of stale bread

it will look like the reflection in the water
that disappears when you touch it
rippling into the surface

but it's a warm embrace of soil
the shower of ash into the sea
it's a mother's gentle kiss goodbye
and yet the harsh crack of wine bottles against your head

soon, death will offer you blood and nectar in two hands
but it's not a choice that you can make.
lua Dec 2021
eyes out of focus
listening to the world through a filter
all i feel is grey fog
and the strumming of acoustic guitar

in and out of sleep
missed calls pile high
blinking back nonexistant tears
as i curl up in bed

there's a weight in my stomach
not heavy enough to keep me down
but it's covered in spikes and hooks
and rolls around

who is that in my mirror?
i never knew i looked like that
or maybe i don't
and i'm just looking at someone who doesn't exist.
lua Dec 2021
my dreams laugh at me
with fingers pointed
a dunce hat on my head when i look up
so i laugh along
laughing louder than the crowd
until there is no sound left
but my own.
lua Dec 2021
hey brain, take this brush
and paint by yourself
these hands of mine are rough and calloused
unable to lift and bend my cracking joints
paint your thoughts by yourself
because my arms are limp and weak
and shatter when touched

i've always wondered why you never thought of leaving
voluntarily staying in my withering home
so kindly and destructive
when you paint on my walls
forgetting that lead settles in the pigments
in the lines that drip from excess

though each stroke pains me the longer you create
i'll always compliment you
with a voice tone-deaf and ugly
thankfully, i feel pretty when you do
i feel pretty when i become your muse
and feel a little less incomplete.
  Dec 2021 lua
Salmabanu Hatim
When he first spoke my name,
It was like nectar dripping into my heart,
Like a flower my love began to bloom for him,
Soon to fall away because of his indifference.
5/12/2021
  Dec 2021 lua
Salmabanu Hatim
I want to give out lots of love,
So that when I am dead,
I will still live in the heart of  those I have touched.
612/2021
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