heart beating
eyes blinking
skin chilling
the moment you call me
i am already winning
but is it just a season
is it just a reason
is it just a mission
for you to get even
for you to mend the broken
what a cold treatment
i am not an experiment
call me when needed
i don't want to be cheated
things are better
when no one is leaving
stay for good
don't be cold
love is meant to hold

xoxo

You don’t decide who
Will make your heart race.
The corners of your lips just
Upturn so suddenly
That you only notice your smile
When you step forward and feel
The cement  pieces
Of a shattered frown
On the ground beneath your feet.

My heart feels like
it's about to shut down
from all the truths
that only I know

People view me
as kind
selfless
heartfelt
with empathy

Yet once they witness
my darker side
this inner demon
that is always
a few steps behind me

Once they see
the ashes and smeared blood
tainted within my mind and heart

I am once again alone
alone to pick up the pieces 
of a love that never was

To wake up with the chirping birds,

inhaling the jasmine scents

and the sound of the rain

dancing to the song of a new dawn

Gloriously

grateful for

yet another

beautiful day

You asked
What is the scariest part?

I answer
The scariest part
is not the feeling of loneliness
or the darkness that fills you
despite the looming pain
of emptiness

The scariest part
is the realization  
that you have lost yourself
completely
sinking in as you lay awake
at 2 AM
because you lost the ability to sleep
and you can't even cry
because you don't even care