you were in front of me
but i was always behind you
i've watched your back often this way
so close yet so far
i didn't expect you to take a step forward
every time i do
that you'll never be in reach
my hands and arms will ache
from stretching and waiting
distance won't even shorten between us
even if i was able to keep you close

but i forget such agonizing
because you'll always be near
as long as i hold you dear

And in this summer heat,
I'm frozen like snow.
as soon as I fell like fall,
like spring, you had to go.

I wake up at daybreak,
but you were like the moon.
I tried to catch you like falling stars,
but night time left so soon.

In the waters, I'm a natural,
I can swim so I can't drown.
But you were my breath,
and I sunk without a sound.

Whenever you come around,
I know I'll never be spared.
You are my natural disaster,
and I'll always be unprepared.

You won't forget me,
Like the back of your hand.
You never truly will.
I assure you with everything I am.

Because I am the song you've never heard;
The book you've never read;
The painting you've never looked at;
The one you've never thought of in your head.

I am the sea you've never swam in,
Or the keys you've never played.
I am the star you've never wished upon,
Or the prayer you've never made.

I am the dawn you've never seen,
The pillow you've never had at night;
I am the door you've never opened;
The glasses you've never used for sight.

As I came to know and realize
You like the back of my hand;
Knowing you exist, in my eyes,
I assure you with everything I am:

I never truly will,
That I will never forget you too.
But you've never known me in the first place,
So it was never the same for you.

love with regrets
is not true love

for love believes that
everything happens for a reason

because in love
you will either succeed
and you definitely won't regret

or you will fail
yet a lesson comes your way

we chased after each other
becoming dog-tired and yearning
to rest in each other's arms
i tried to reach out for him
my fingers almost touching his
but no matter how hard we try
we just can't seem to lock hands
i pushed at him and he did the same
i banged the wall, he called out my name
until our frustrations to hold each other
finally die down in our sleep
because he tells me i'm the light
and he's the shadow on the wall
and that is only how we can meet

today i got admitted into my university's writer's guild, after submitting five of my best works from here (hellopoetry). I am ecstatic to be a part of the university's official writing organization and i thank you all readers and friends for reading my works. I love writing, i really do, and even if I'm an fine arts student, words speak more to me than pictures and symbols do. I dedicate my acceptance into the Guild to everyone who has supported me by liking, sharing and reading my poems. Thank you.

Eighteen―no,
Age is just a number.
Like the page number of a book, her story, her life;
It doesn't matter.
The ending doesn't matter.
The beginning doesn't either.

I read her in chapters, in scenes, in words:
she lives in each and every one.
She is not merely the main character,
she is the plot herself.
And I picture her in my head,
Through mundane moments, rocky cliffs, twisty plots;
She endures.

I don't want to reach or read the ending.
I want to keep reading,
keep browsing through the pages of her.
I want her
to keep writing.
To keep living.

I hope I'm not too
Obvious
I hope you're not too
Oblivious

oh my bed!
my beloved!
you catch me
whenever i fall
wrapped up in
your warmth and softness
you never cease to calm me
with your fellow pillows
how i seek you
after every sorrow!
how i yearn for you
after every tiresome day!
you comfort me
in the most astounding ways
when all i do is lie on you
lazing about as time floats away.
my best friend
i'll always love you
forever and always

I like to dream of the day
I finally will be able to see you

But I feel like what we have now
is a dream
that I don't want to get out of;
a dream where I can continue
loving you without you knowing
I ever did

And what if we did meet one day in the future?
And what if you never saw me the way I saw you?
That is a reality i don't want to reach
―I'd rather be stuck in this dream alone,
no matter how lonely and one-sided this love is

Sometimes, it's hard to wake him up. It was one of those nights, where his earliest alarm rang two hours again before the sun could even rise. I wriggled out of his arms groggily just to turn off all his other remaining alarms that would disturb him. Sleep better and don't worry, my dear. That's why I'm here with you, to wake you up, I thought, as I looked at his calm countenance. He was a man whose stature towered over me, with arms so strong, that I struggled to put them around me as I laid back in bed next to him. His breathing was quick and shallow; he was in the midst of a dream. I wondered what was going on in his head. Or was it because I was right beside him? I hate assuming, but hope surges through me like how I could feel his built through his plain white tee.

All of a sudden, his voice, like cold coffee in the morning and warm milk at night, refreshed the moment of my ambiguous soliloquy. "Why are you awake? Get back to sleep. I'll wake you later." He pulled me closer to him and rested his cheek against my hair.

I could only internally laugh at his statement and at his pouted face when he whispered the words in my ticklish ear. How could he, the one who has troubles with waking up, tell me that? God, I love this man so much. He wants the best for me, but I know he deserves the best all the more. For now, let him sleep peacefully, protect him and keep him safe in my embrace. And hopefully both of us will wake up at the same time.

how can i
****
drain
erase
you away

when you are the
life
blood
ink
in my veins

they say men are from Mars
and women are from Venus
but i wonder what takes so long
for us to cross paths
perhaps
it's what the astronomers tried to declare
that Mars and Venus never does
and will never intersect orbits
with millions of miles in between them
or what the astrologers tried to foretell
that a love unknown as a nameless star
can never really shine in the first place
because of the thousands of miles between us
but even if it takes an infinity of time or space
for us to reach one another
i would still stay and wait
by your side, i will hover
what matters for now is
i found you
amidst many others
i saw you
even in the dark
and i love you so

The answer to blocking out pain from a broken heart is not numbness or indifference.

But that of letting yourself be loved again.

I was at the disco
Then everyone pointed
And said i was panicking
But i looked them in the eye
When i whipped my head around
And said "No, I'm the panic queen."

And i would listen to paramore
to find those words i relate to
And i would turn the volume up
to numb the pain

The drums rock my mind
In tune with my heartbeat
As i scream out the lyrics
Those words i yearn to tell you
With the strums and guitar riffs
Which my heartstrings play out

I keep paramore on play
To express and numb it all more

I know of a girl
With small hands
That write small letters,
But with a mind so wide
Like her arms opened
For a comforting embrace.
Few spoken words at first
That ring with cautious clarity
Then grows in depth and length.
Tiny capillaries that connect
To the biggest heart I've heard
Whose louder beats echo
From where she stays.
Little feet which will carry her
To a larger place some day.
Her name may mean "small,"
But she's so much more
than most of all.

The beauty of
Unrequited love
Is how
Unconditional
It can get

i loved you to the extent
where i would swear upon myself
if you didn't exist in my life
it would be living hell

you showed me it was mutual
but i don't believe in actions without words
'cause what are actions for
if they support nothing

i continued to love you
to the point where it would hurt
where a little pain
in the heart would spurt

one day all of you vanished
and i was left to wonder
what's to become of us now
without you leaving anything

i can't even explain
how hell it is compared to before
i don't blame you for losing me
i blame you for making me scared

scared to fall in love all over again

he strums
the steel strings
of his guitar
akin to the strings
of my heart
     that I wear on my sleeve

he echoes
quiet unspoken
memories
through a
loud medley of
melodies
     that his heart and soul bleed

so in time
for him
I'll voice and play
to reach out
and give back
to him someday
     like how he reached out to me

i'll summarize the painting
of my life with him in it.
it's a priceless work of art,
only love is the profit.

i raged crimson,
for the time you had to leave.
out of my stubborn anger,
the truth, i couldn't perceive.

i splashed shades of blue,
for the time i spent alone.
to feel so sad from everything,
melancholy was monochrome.

i planted green,
for the growing bitterness
of hating and loving you,
simultaneously like this.

i shined yellow
for the murderous thought
of the both of us,
turning brown, it rot.

i built up gray
for the concrete walls
of my cold, bare heart
every time you called.

then to black it faded,
everything was gone.
but white invaded
because light has come.

the pinks and purples,
suddenly arrived.
you finally came
yet somehow i have survived.

but for you to leave,
or if it's me to go,
let's stop each other.
for an unfinished painting
we wouldn't want to know.

When the tides crash and the waves retreat,
Doesn't the salty breeze make you feel poetic?
When the lightning clashes with its own kind and the thunder chases it,
Don't the sparks make you feel poetic?
When the wind blows and the leaves dance in the air,
Doesn't the autumn season make you feel poetic?
When the clouds disperse and the stars appear,
Doesn't the galaxies make you feel poetic?
When the rain falls and the mist forms on your skin,
Doesn't the nitrate smell make you feel poetic?
Because when i look at you,
and you look back at me
in the same way,
I know i feel poetic

"When you're lonely,
what do you do?"

"I take pictures
of my favorite places."

"But why do you
keep taking
pictures of the same spots?"

"Because sometimes,
I wish
you'd appear
in one of them."

"Does writing change you as a writer?"

"Yes it does, my voice turns into
the words inside your mind."

"But why can't I
remember you well?"

"Maybe you didn't keep the words
in your head."

"Even if I feel you enough?"

"Then you must've kept them
in your heart instead."

to the beautiful quiet boy
who lives in a timezone earlier than mine
they may not know it
but your heart beats louder than how you look
i hope you're asleep
it's thirty minutes after one a.m. isn't it?
Recounting the moments i watched you sleep
With an innocent, rested face
with your hands by your sides
you're even beautiful when you sleep
but more so when those dark chocolate eyes gaze upon the windows of my soul
wish i could hold you in my arms now
Even better if you're wrapped around me
While you're with your signature turtleneck
And me with my red pashmina
These thoughts are nothing
but at least something

i may be a realist
but he is my ideal
though he's only a dream
to me, he felt so real

i don't really need him
now by my side
but don't take it
literally, what i said
because if i don't see him
in my sleep tonight
i won't wake 'til i see him:
consider me dead

"I have to unlove you a little," the girl said as she put her pen down.
He replied: why would you ever?
"I have to save my love for you; I have to save it for future days."
He frowned. "It sounds like you're saying goodbye. As if one day your feelings for me will disappear because of having loved me too much this very moment."
She shook her head. "I don't think I'll ever stop loving you though, if I give you just small amounts of it everyday. But you, would you still be the same, even if I cut down on the amount I usually give per day?"
He understood where she was going. "As long as you give me love, even down to the tiniest drop of it, I'll still love you all the same. And when you run out of it and can give no more, that's when I'll refill you with all the love you have filled me up with after all this time."
"One can never really run out of love, can they? Give or take. It's still love."
"Love is love-- give or take, small or big; doesn't matter as long as it exists-- if it's you I'm loving."

some things are not meant to be returned
be it a library’s borrowed book
or hands that cannot hold ours and leave us cold

because we need those things
as reminders of the people
who once borrowed or took what belongs to us

and in our story

i know why i remember you so well:
it is my warmth which you borrowed
and my heart that you took

a princess, tired,
built castles, loved by people
and loved a prince
—all birthed from her words

an outcast, fallen,
as her words turn
into robbers of joy and
into daggers against her

a queen, revives,
to ascend the throne once again
pen as sword; heart as shield
written words are her armies
under her rough hands

I look out to the sea
Which reminds me of you
My thoughts reach out
But you get carried further away
To the depths of despair
To the farthest corner
You leave me behind
But my boat still stays

You would be my sculpture.
I'd spend hours on you.
Your face had taken shape,
Your neck was molded new.
I formed your pale legs,
My clay perfect for the fit.
For days I worked on your torso,
For days I only patiently did sit.
Solidifying was real quick,
And I had to be careful.
You could break if mishandled,
I needed to be gentle.
You still had your eyes closed,
So I kissed your dry lips.
But you still couldn't hold me well,
Despite your arms around my hips.
And so I carved your hands,
And caressed them in mine,
Then finally you entwined our fingers,
At last we held back time.