I will
go
ahead and
break my own heart
thank.you.very.much

Hand me clamp
Your clenched jaw
Waiting to chomp at the bit

You grip my hand,
introduce yourself
My aorta crushes your knuckles
Oh you can't let go?
What a shame
Beat you to it.
Broke rib cage
Crunched down on
beating
Crimson

All before you could tell me where you came from

Hell.

If there is a Jesus
He wears a dress
it sequins to the sun
as drag "devils" sing from Beyonce-glacier-tops

We, humans arrive bursting with rainbow love
While anti-humans stretch across ocean and state
a cloud of ****** and hate

If only the stars could shield our trans
Earth and ocean, permeate
Phobias
Tsunami the shame way
I beg the whole sky to open up
Create a blue orb of protection
for "the gays"

This modern love is about
*******
Vulnerable nakedness
And sharing words drenched in ulterior motives
After ten pm texts
Netflix and chill
drunk sloppy saliva
Dead weight silence
Ghosts and poltergeists
who look at your stories
While screening your calls
Bored married baldies
**** pics
Heavy thumbs swiping right and left
2 second clever convo starters
cliff jumping into ****** innuendos
Thousands of pictures of soft male hands holding animals as props
Dead or alive
Shirtless mirror pics
Pretending to reach for your wallet
Situationships
Friends with benefits
“Hanging out”
Daddy’s who date with their toddlers

Every part of it
A fake feeding to the soul
I walk up to the table with a Michelin  star meal to be offered crumbs
Insatiable
I choose couch over barstool
Cat over dog drool
******* over touch

And do you have
Instagram
Facebook
Tik tok
Or a brain?

Hatfishing
Height fibbers
Terrible smiles hidden behind pursed lips
The ABCs of
misogyny
objectification  
And
“I don’t like condoms”


The most sacred thing in the universe—
Human connection and intimacy
Stained.
A perverted shallow watered down sea
Love liquified and left washed up
The tides never ending
Swallowing me head first
While some man baby expects me to swallow head first

I had my daughter with the type of man
I came from
Generationally marooned
forever
fetal positioned
on bathroom floor
Aching and punishing myself for not asking for more

I cup my daughter's face
Only to know you will try to erase
my fingers
my palms
my voice
You try to rob fingerprint
The blonde in her curl
Her lips are frozen on "mommy"
You ignore.
I am always more.

Lip skin synthesizes to a foaming mouth
Gritty
Rabie white
an open popsicle "ahhhh" tongue
Exposed a warm animal within
A savage
I cannot be a crowned blonde princess anymore                   neck
Fangs.                                                            of
Foreign vessels                           out
                            
                                     launch
                                        
I am a bomb.

Pull rubber grip with molars
I will blast away your DNA
so you never
ever
ever
existed

Yellow rubber boots slip on
as soon as you see me
I puddle up
You thrash down on the blue of me
I ripple in hurt
Go ahead
Stomp heel into rainbow gasoline cups
I beg to brim on plastic ankel
Water wallows
A woman who holds breath
For no ones
Boots who don't deserve oxygen or water or color

My daughter dances to the dryer
Worn sleeves are
warmed up.
Swaying,
She closes her eyes
like I do
Every time I lose myself to dance.
We quiet a world
That asks us to be more body than clothes
I join her
We move to the knocking
of cotton
dirtied by yesterday
cheerios.
salt.
saliva laughter.
I fold into her
We do not need
to be cleaned
The purist of love
moves on hardwood floor.