take me to the ocean. i miss her. i haven't touched her waves in so long. i want to feel the cold water on my skin. i want to touch the whole world. i am a storm. i can relate to the rage. the moments of calm. the overwhelming pain. i can feel it. the agony. take me to the ocean. i miss her. take me. take me to the ones with coniferous trees on the beach. the grey mist. the empty beaches. the cold breeze. take me there. just take me away from here. and when i die. cremate me. and spread my ashes along the waves.

sitting in an H&R Block waiting room
a makeshift bed of chairs
eyes closing as the pain soaks in
the snow outside falling like teardrops
slow and painful, yet beautiful
my feet are numb from the cold
just like my feelings
anxiety rising like my body heat as I sit here
sheltered from the ghosts outside
the church bell ringing of my heart
searching for words out in the cold
as if they'll appear on the window in front of me
all I want is a quiet and easy life
it's been so loud and painful so far
empty stomach, full head
why can't my mind be hungry instead?
I barely feel a smile deep inside me
yawning mouths, tired eyes
on edge, on the edge, why can't I jump off the edge?
I keep moving toward the storm, torn
I'm not who I'm supposed to be
sitting here for over an hour just thinking isn't too good for me

i feel like i'm still holding so much back
i'm sorry, i'm still too scared to get attached

i n e e d you

i cannot B R E A T H E without yo
                                                              ­      u

it h
      u
         r
            t
              s

                               *             *              *      
                                     *          *        *      *
            it's such a    *        beautiful      *              pain
                                    *        ­ *                *
                              *            *  ­         *              

i fell asleep amongst bottles of paint
and strokes of love
thinking of you
and the undying love that is
buried deep in my heart
and around it
an unbreachable wall stands to this day
unequivocally there
and withstanding
your heart is a poem
whose words bind with mine
your eyes are a paintbrush
that paint the skies
you've got a handle on my heart
painting on the canvas of the future

 - you were always an art form too beautiful for unworthy eyes

i sat outside in the cold today
everyone complaining about the chill
i was wearing a tank top
while everyone had jackets and sweatshirts
everyone was shocked to see me there
just withstanding the cold weather
the truth is
i was shivering
i was freezing
but i liked it
i liked the feeling of becoming numb
i liked pretending i was tougher than everyone