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epictails Jun 2015
There's nothing more beautiful
than your unfailing grace
nothing more beautiful
than the silent tears
despite their loud wickedness
there are just things you "ought" to do that makes you less human
epictails Jun 2015
We grow up believing that the magic stays. But it never really does. Experience skins us, bares us open. To a reality that is far from what we want ourselves. As children we were blank canvasses. Time went on and so did life bring so many colors to that canvass. Sometimes bright, sometimes dark. Filling the white, pure spaces as each day we learn to fear, to hope , to love and to desire. But we also lose our ability to just go back to that blank slate. Where everything is clearer, unclouded. And we just think that the world is full of it, when all along we are just full of it.

I'd like to know the art of just being that empty canvass again. To learn and to unlearn every color that the world has given me. To be thrown into an absolute mess but still go back to where I came from.
HP has become some sort of journal for me where I can express my thoughts that people will just undoubtedly dismiss because they are too weird or too abstract or idk. I'd like to think of these things though. I am someone who takes comfort in her thoughts and these are the kinds of things that fly to my mind when I am alone. This beats thinking about my professor failing me because I am just writing instead of  playing by her rules.
epictails Jun 2015
I believe in myself
More than luck could delude me
More than fate and destiny could play me
epictails Jun 2015
They asked: "What is beauty?", "How about kindness?", "Do tell me about love." And then they'll say with much decision, "I could not see them knocking in my door.", "Things like that don't mean anything.", "Ideas are only as good as the humans who fool themselves with them.". I wish I could answer them. But who was I to pile questions with more questions? All those words curled my tongue in contempt, stung with frustration. For I have seen love—in a hospital room full of weeping strangers. I have heard hope—in a church slowly being ignored by the ones who built it. I have tasted gratitude in the last kiss I shared with a forgotten love who left all the corners of my heart in a pained heap.

Love, hope, beauty and all those unbelievable things hanging in the clouds like dreams or illusions for some. Nobody has ever seen them take form—as that 6 a.m coffee, that well-played deck in a gambler's hands, that worn out pair of shoes hidden in the attic chest(probably too precious to throw). Nobody has seen them go for or against the sea. Nobody has heard them grumble like the thunder on a good day with bad weather. Nobody has felt them brush up like the softest wind of the year. Nobody. They're made to be concealed for they do something even more dangerous and otherworldly than living side by side with us.*

They possess.  

*Like spirits who make their home with people. Burning like embers of a small fire, inaudible at first, all-consuming later. Once accepted, they take hold of the soul like their own. And they burn, ferociously, splendidly. I'd like to think all great revolutions of the mind, of the soul, of humans fragile and inconsistent—all started with that fire.What began as silly ideas became lives in our form, in our likeness. We are changed—it will never quite go back. We only have to see beyond our eyes, that they really do live in all of us.
I've been so frustrated that I can't write as smoothly as before. It's a ******* creative limbo and it upsets me terribly. My thoughts are all over the place and I cant seem to pin them down one by one. In all honesty, this is a horrible post but I just needed to tell myself that good or bad, the writing should not stop.
epictails Jun 2015
I remain lost as
a bird circling the horizons
nowhere to land on
not knowing where to next
I am the one who has
strayed too far
confounded as a bad rhetoric
like any fool I was misguided
by questions with answers
I refused to believe
fancy struck
by bright city lights
false hopes
the blindness of ambition.

Packed bags, long, lonely halls
at fifth street
new faces, new foot fall traces
I am among those
who scatter everywhere
as wildly as fallen
leaves in autumn
only to die in one place
unheeded in the earth
as a burned picture.

The word home
has eluded my lips
I do not know
what it is anymore.

It had been everywhere
in damp, double bunk beds,
in summer evenings,
greasy diner food,
communal bathrooms,
loud rooftop parties—
that end not how they started
the recklessness of youth
to the slow waste of age.

Home is everywhere,
I am everywhere.

It had been nowhere
crowded streets
with rushed faces,
nights of killing
spades and aces,
solitary reveries of
drunken strangers,
and in the streets,
the starved, ****** painters.

Home is nowhere,
I am nowhere.

I thought to myself
how home felt like many places
within all sorts of different faces
but it was never with me.
epictails Jun 2015
No petty words, no string of pretensions
Yet my hate runs deeper
Than your shallow friendship
I guess when you're a tolerant person who forgives other people's ******* way too easily, you get ****** for it in the end. Well that's just me. I don't dislike or even hate people easily—it takes a whole lot. But what you did had me feeling betrayed. Maybe that's why all this time I felt that I never really had a connection with you. That  no one could really figure you out or maybe you did not want them to. I just feel betrayed that's it.  You had your good points but there's no point of return to our friendship, well at least for me. I've been betrayed one too many times when all I did was to be a good friend.I guess that made me consider betrayal as the lowest of lows. No wonder no one really likes you. I guess my
epictails Jun 2015
The shadows are being swallowed
by the coming light
Today,
you are here before my eyes

Old photographs
that held our smiles
Misty mornings
momentarily losing me and you,
I miss you

So now,
I breathe our memories
I hear our disrupted sighs
I remember, I remember
and I miss you
This is what happens when you listen to melancholic folk music
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