I get scared so avoid all food,
But then I worry about dying young,
So then I over eat, eat, eat
And worry some more
Repeat.

It comes in so many forms,
Natural and florescent,
dim and blinding.
We crave light,
And revel in the dark.

We click our fingers when we get something,
We click the safety off when we lose *everything.

Mind swirling
Heart calling
Out for you
To die
But I won't die
Cause I'm a coward
And ****, world
Please stop spinning

I want to write
But out of spite
My mind has lost its words..

"I'm not addicted. I can stop whenever I want."

In a sea of words we drown,
Being pulled down into their depths
By the weight of them
But a single phrase can help us
To rise again from the meaningful words
Which lost their meaning.

"Love", " hate", "sorry".
We use them so much that when
In a moment of passion
They mean as little as a light breeze.
Gone so quickly, without being cherished.

But if used carefully, that breeze
Could conduct a storm
And all the words in the sea we drown in
Couldn't stop that locution from echoing
Gliding, skipping, crashing around
In our minds as we try

To rationalise everything apart from
Hope.

I cannot describe the quiet in my head when you speak to me.
******, my neck lilts to the side just a little. My ears move towards the sound: the rumble, the promise of soft vibration that I just know will settle the buzzing under my skin.
     My lips part, sometimes in the faintest of smiles; as though the taste of your voice could be pressed to my mouth like a kiss. I ache with the need to feel how you form your words. I ache to feel the movement of your mouth while you whisper and mutter, giggle and moan. I do not care where, I just know I have to feel this.

Do your hands move with the same grace as your voice? Will your body grant me the same stillness as your words?

When you hold me, Darling Boy, will your arms gift me the same safety that your voice gives my mind?

I could listen to you play for hours,
but I think I'd look a bit creepy.

*It's just that you're so beautiful.

If someone gave me a crystal light catcher,
I'd probably break it.
The light would be thrown how chance wanted,
Not the craftsmen.
I'm sure it would have been beautiful to see
What they had imagined.
But chance needs an opportunity to create,
To place these shards.
Throw them across the floor as they fragment.
It has seconds
To choose what it'll create.

Should ever you read me again,
And see this, I'd quite like you
To know that, by showing me
How to write, you kept me
*alive.

So you've been alive for seventeen years,
And I'm really very glad about this fact.
Stick around, little idiot.
Keep smiling, keep laughing.

Today, you told me I was quiet when I spoke
But I sound pretty loud in my head.
Maybe its my thoughts competing Inside
That blocks what tends to come out.

who knew doing singing for a subject would be hard?
hold a melody, hold a harmony, keep time.
okay.

now name the melody's key and the harmony's chord
keep the time and know what you're doing.
okay.

watch, listen, repeat, now give it a year to forget
and now write a thousand words on it.
help.

and now, with a month until our exams
we have to learn it all again.
****.

:)

Falling down the rabbit hole, you know the
End is drawing near,
Unlike these tears falling down my face; from
Laughter, maybe fear.

When you look at a pair of hands and just know that having them in yours would make the panic go away.
The tight bundle of nerves in your stomach would ease into excitement rather than fear at the sensation of being laced with someone else.
Touch never has to be ****** but it is almost always sensual and god, I want the tickling burn of hands moving up and down my forearm,
nails scraping a little so that it awakens the senses but doesn't overwhelm them.
The feeling of being physically alone is a constant weight on my chest- when I see a happy couple, I'm not jealous of their closeness or their happiness, it just reminds me that I am, in fact alone.
The hugs and touches I get are familial, friendly because people like to trust me but never get close enough to love me.

A crumbling mass of over-dramatic dreams and fears which no one should have to deal with.

Day in, day out
This is what we do
Running around in circles
Running around in doubt.

We hide behind the curtains,
We hide beneath the stairs
We hide behind all that we aren't,
Just to avoid the stares.

We wait for them to find us,
Its all we ever do
Cause all the while the person lost
is only ever you

an earth shattering epiphany,
it doesn't change anything,
for everything is already perfect.
there is a wind storm outside that
will rattle my shell tonight
but in this moment i am grinning
so hard my cheeks hurt because you
are so beautiful and i am so shockingly
glad that i get to call you mine.

Crashing down on the shores of not enough sleep,
Being carried away by the promise of another chance
To lay my head down, to let my mind calm
But it's only ever the same conclusion;
Insomnia is wrecking my ship.

Fall
               Down
Down
                  Down

A lapse in control I look forward to having again.
A control I hope to have over you;
It's quite terrifying to be undone so completely,
And scarier yet is how much i can't wait for it
To happen again.

I am digging my own grave with lies
I never told,
To spare hearts
That ended up bleeding,
Even though I cared
And even though we tried
To find a better tomorrow
We were looking for a ghost in limbo.

Everyone writes so much about ***,
The pleasures of touch and teeth,
But I don't understand how someone
Could take me apart with nimble fingers
And silken words.

Maybe I'm just a ******, but it scares me
That someone, someday will have so
Much power over my body that I
Will come apart and trust them enough
To reassemble me.

I will close my eyes;
Switch off my consciousness.
In eight hours, I will reset,
And not want to die.

You are a concept;
A drop of water.
You hit a larger body
Of the same water,
Except you create ripples
In the calm of humanity.
It's no bad thing, unless

A storm follows.

It doesn't need to be a big reason,
Or a sensible one. All it has to be
Is a good enough reason
For you to maintain your life.

I live for my family, for my friends;
It is difficult sometimes though,
To remember this reason.
But it is always there.

It draws me back into life,
Into breathing and laughing
And hurting and crying
And feeling something akin to *alive.

Corsets would hurt less
Than the anxiety
Coiling around my ribs,
Crushing my lungs,
And making me all light headed.

Am I cold,
Or scared?

I cannot actually explain
What I feel, when I feel it
So you will never know
How close I come to
Hating myself for
Loving you.

I hope I don't talk In my sleep,
Because I know I talk a lot when
I'm awake but If I sleep talk,
You'll find out Just how lonely
I
                    am
at
           night.