what i have
is a wounded soul
but
my heart
is slowly opening again
to new things
to old things that feel new
i place my stale thoughts in a jar
and close the lid
i say "no more"
it is now
time for loving
and rediscovering myself
and redesigning myself
i let the pain hurt
but i don't let it define me
it's time to start living again

My heart condemned to a cell  
became so shrunken by disuse
All my lovely things
shoved to a corner
near a radiator
for its rhythm, right, and heat  
Crushed by all the useless rules
reigned down from The Above
proclaiming—

"Certainty!"
of “what should be.”

My heart was never made for such a small space

But now—
atrophied and bowed by fear
prison garb seems comfortable
I don't think too much of hope or love in here
Too wary and too tired
to defend the right or wrong of it—or me
The sentence: so much more than I could bear:

“Life of Loneliness
no parole"

It’s good I didn’t hear the words
I would’ve died of grief

But all those years—

I served!
__

I wipe my eyes on the reprieve

Spent some time—
on my release
in cold gusts by the shore
where there’s room-- so finally
to breathe

Lifted my eyes into
the risk of clouds
the withered sun

If wind and sorrow
share the tears
that have returned


I figure...
so can we...

...share love
in a large room

knocking down guilt’s darkest walls

where souls make jails to keep from getting free
...Let them find each other there

awkward silence
uneasiness in the dead quiet
tension fills the room
stale air
no escaping

freely wandering
listening to the birds sing
breathing in the cleansing morning air
why can't life always feel this peaceful

driving too fast through the countryside with the windows down
that's how it is talking to you
absolute freedom
completely filled with a sense of belonging
you are home

people that have their lives planned out scare me

crystal clear thinking
is not for me
i see life as a blur
full of happy and sad moments
wondering whether things lead to better things
having days of complete and utter sorrow
then days of hope and a sense of self again
my life is not a routine
it is not structured
i think
i will just keep moving forward
slowly
until the pieces of my life
are put together