oh sweet love,
with those long arms that once held me so gently
now push me away.
but i'm holding on to you so tightly.
no one else really matters,
and without you i'm so alone.

this existence is now so bittersweet.
i still get to breathe,
but not the air beside you.
the air i thirst for and crave,
it tastes like heaven.

but if you must go,
than i will miss you.
all of me will miss you.
i will feel this agonizing loneliness,
in all the pores of my skin
in all the crevices of my bones,
and the tunnels of my veins.

because you have become a part of me,
your breath was absorbed into mine when we kissed.
but now you have ripped this breath right out of my lungs,
and i am left gasping for your air.
my body is so incomplete without you.

i know i am the one that first walked,
but i tried so hard to come back.
now i know how it feels,
to be rejected
by your love.  

i feel myself gripping to the walls of this canyon
my nails making trails as i hold on for dear life
but i have fallen without a parachute
or a net
and now my wings are gone.

i will probably die without
you

They say we have these anchors
They drown us out at sea
But this chain bound tight to my ankle
Is not fastened to a weight.

It just keeps going
Link by link
It has no end
No beginning

I was born into this aquatic life
From my earliest days
I was held underwater
And each day on has added to my chain

Not like the chain of Jacob Marley
In Dickens' tale,
Not forged by greed
But birthed from every thought
That I cannot forget
And every blow to my persistance
I have ever recieved

It all stays with me
And we each have these chains.
But most grow gills
And sprout fins.
And learn to swim .

But here I am.
Still drowning.

Maybe i'd like country music,
If you sang it to me.
I'd probably like fish,
If you cooked it for me.
And i would probably pay more attention in math,
If you taught it to me.
I think id wear pink,
If you said it looked good on me.
Maybe i'd run more often,
If i was chasing you.
I'd read more books,
If they were all written by you.
I would like to speak,
But only if i was speaking to you.
And i'd probably be a morning person,
If every morning i woke up next to you.

You laid me down gently,
Just as gentle as i wanted.
You reassured me of my uncertainty.
You made sure i was okay.

There was that cold tightness in my chest,
That sank right through me until
I could feel it in my spine.
As this feeling has once left me scared and shaken,
I made my decision.

Than you made your first move,
And all the colors i have ever seen lit up my mind.
And a fire lit in my stomach and the flames moved up my spine.
Until you reached my neck and arranged a small kiss.
Your lips extinguished my fire and left my bones bare.

Hold on for dear life,
I felt something adjust inside me.
And that was not as suggestion for the actions at hand.
But something happened in my soul
That left me forever thirsting for your touch.
Not in the desirous way i had before,
But as though the atoms of my heart,
And every particle that made up the pathetically helpless being i call myself,
Needed you.
They would not be the same without you,
i am stuck on you.
Addicted to you.
And every moment without you feels like sudden death,
A draw of my logical mind and these particles of my being.
Its absolutely absurd how reliant i am on you.

Well i have no other way to put it,
But in the least poetic and mysterious way possible,
I guess that's what happens when you take a lonely girl's virginity.
They become addicted.

There's only one way
To let the pain out.
Only one way,
Because i cannot shout.
I'll rip myself open,
To let the demons be free.
They will run down my leg,
Trickling so gently.

Now the monsters are free,
But just for one night.
They'll be back again tomorrow,
Screaming with all their might.
That's why i bite my lips,
Not to ****** your eyes,
But these devils, so desperately
Are dreaming of my demise.

Now you say it doesn't make sense,
To let them free at night.
But iv'e grown so accustomed,
To giving in to their desires.
That i cannot stop,
I cannot see,
How you think this is really hurting me.
The merely superficial passageways,
That my demons travel,
Will fade over night,
Just like i will not matter.