I miss you with all my heart
and I crave you with all my soul
I sang you all my poetry
and gave you all my youth

i wish you'd write back to me 7.19.25 5:39 pm /17:39
oh, -------,
sometimes i wish you would write a letter back to me.

sometimes i wish you would log onto your old macbook
instinctively go to hellopoetry.com
type in my ariana grande username
find me and my words
find it, these lost sentences,
these trembling letters
i've been trying to send you.

i see why you don't-
the fear that maybe,
one day,
we will wake up and realize we don't love each other
that we don't know each other like we think
we do.

i haven't sent you a letter
because i don't want you to know but i want you to know
that i love you
but what if, what if, what if
one day i don't?

the uncertainty of being not torn apart
but drifting
finding someone new and
figuring out ourselves, finally,
finding that we don't need each other anymore.

of course that's not why you love me
or why i love you

i get that
i get that fear.

but you are not afraid
because you don't even know
that this whole time

i have been screaming
your name.

Roses are red
And so is my blood
You made cuts romantic
But it’s not called love

There are only two reasons for me to stay
To let life slowly **** me
Painfully
Instead of doing it now
All at once

The first,
For the people I love
That I need to hug one more time
Again and again

The second reason,
For the little girl who worked so hard just to survive
She survived for me
I can't ruin her plans
That wouldn't be fair

Oh wait
I think I have one more

Third,
One day, I'll finally get to hug her
One day

I actually have another, somehow
This one must be the last

Fourth,
I've never kissed someone
And no one has ever loved me yet

****, another one too

Fifth,
There might be a stranger
That'll read my poems and feel less alone

Sixth,
I've been banned from it

Seventh,
I would be killing the version of me that is a grandparent with grandchildren on her lap
Before she even breathed

And this list is losing my point
So just one last one this time

Eighth,
Because this list kept going on

Everything
Is
Pain
Yet the only thing that helps
Is more pain

I think I'm done fighting it
I need to bleed