When Star Wars came to film in Ireland (in County Kerry the Blasket islands)
I wanted a part
I wanted to be like Darth (Vader)
I told them I knew the whole Star Wars Universe off by heart
From Ken Kenobi's desert hideout to Hans Solo's Big Bird, the Maltese Falcon
And the big chewy chap Wuzzy Bear
And the lovely Princess Leah with her lovely bunned up hair
I told them I could be Bard the wise old Shaman poet
At least I'd be better than that old **** Yoda
Well they looked at me a bit awry
I thought to myself "I got a bad feeling about this"
They turned me down, said maybe another time  
I warned them "I might turn to the Dark Side"
I would have reached for a Blaster only I was already fairly plastered
They started to bundle me out the door
I was strugglin' and shouting "Yea Yoda Old Toadface
Get your hands off me, I'm talkin' Toad here man.... I'm talkin' Toad..."

At my brother's for Christmas dinner
Sitting there for a moment I felt suddenly like I was the turkey
I thought they were all looking at me kinda funny
It was like they were licking their lips
And saying "Doesn't he look delicious, a lovely big juicy looking bird
It was like I thought they were thinking
We're not likely to win the lotto (the lottery) at our age
We've never been very lucky that way
The best chance of us getting a windfall of money would be
If dear old Uncle Bardo was to suddenly kick the bucket
Then we'd get his house and all his money
We could give up our day jobs and go holidaying for the rest of our lives
We'd be sliding down Easy Street singing like a bunch of sailors
Wouldn't it be great ?
I thought I better watch out, better watch what I'm eating, what their
  giving me
Next time I better bring a food tester/taster along with me
You never know, life is strange.

I suppose it works both ways though, my brother's always a bit reluctant to come down to my house
He doesn't think I'm very hygienic, he says he's always afraid he'll get food poisoning.

I guess it's all just...just in the family.