I have a shotgun in the passenger seat
Right where you used to be
Your memory is just a warm bullet
I still hold it close to me

I have a rifle in the backseat
That’s where we used to love
You can treat me like the devil
But I’ve only ever touched you like an angel does

That gunfire straight to my heart
Almost felt like a kiss
It almost felt like a kiss

I woke up in a tidy bed, with an ache soothed,
With a light body,
With my head on right.

I walked outside with a smile and my hair done,
With pretty makeup,
With myself again.

When all I needed was a love, and an understanding,
How could you make me spend every night
Just waiting to leave?
When my heart was in something, and my eyes were beaming
How could you never understand? How?

I’m going to sleep with a clear mind, with a heart beating,
With no thoughts of you,
While I cloud your conscience,
And haunt your narrative.

I want every poem to be about you.
Love, hate, lust and in between.
I want every picture burnt, I want your heart
Torn out, I want to say goodnight
To bones and kiss your skull.

Every poem is about you.
Love, hate, lust and pain.

And I cannot express a thing, it eats me up
Beyond belief.
To love you is a sacrifice I make, because
I **** myself in the process, and when my organs spill out,
My heart drops first and breathes
Your name,
Over and over and over and over and over

It’s a deep cut
Growing into these bones
I resented before

Where I am
God is not
Deadbeat killer
Overdosed alone

Light at the end of the tunnel
Is overwhelmingly bright
Blinded on my way in
Lack of navigation

Heart is beating but
It was meant to stop