I hope heaven is real,
because I know you'll be happy
for the first time.
If there is a paradise,
I hope you're there.

Go to sleep before you dream.*
I've come to enjoy dreaming
far more than waking;
so much so, that I forget
to remember that I am awake.
Drifting mind and drifting eyes,
I swear, I want to be somewhere else.

"Even your own body hates you,
enough to betray your mind."

The coldest thing
I could have heard
on that day
was what you said.

It was a bad day,
A hot day
full of my burning fear
and your scorching desire.

But what you said was so cold
So cruel
So utterly and completely terrifying
and absolutely humiliating.

"Even your own body hates you,
enough to betray your mind."

When I turned sixteen, I brought a girl home drunk and stumbling
A day later, I was interviewed by the government criminal investigation
Two months later, she was disowned by her parents
Last I heard, she's at a rehab in Florida

It's been a long time since I've seen her.

When I was fourteen, I hid cigarettes in my backpack, and lighters in my wallet
Used to sit in the middle of a basketball court and watch my stress float away in a noxious grey cloud
I stashed my twelve dollar pack of coors in a bush behind the half-wall

It's been a long time since I've seen those.

I was thirteen when I found a papercutter in the drawer of the art room.
Took it home with me, fell asleep to the sound of it scathing in and out of its sheath
I once got so frustrated I wanted to slice my throat with it
I threw it out the window

It's been a long time since I've seen it.

When I was fifteen, I went out with friends and got wasted on chocolate liquor
Two weeks later, *****
the day after, tequila
and the week before, strawberry daiquiri
I don't remember much.

It's been a long time since I've done that.

When I was thirteen, I wrote poetry to sort out my emotions

It's been a long time since I've done that...

She smiled, looked up at him, and quickly kissed his cheek.
Then turned and walked away from the turmoil of the week,
Her crystal blue eyes moistened as she neared the airline gate,
And an inner pain engulfed her as she struggled with her fate.

He stood still, surprised, and wondered what she meant to say,
Her kiss was sweet but melted like the springtime snow in May.
Was it beginning? Was it ending? What future lies ahead?
He said 'Goodbye' and turned away.  Words better left unsaid.

Both home to their own islands, alone with thoughts and doubt.
Nobody they can talk to - No way to work it out.
What will she say? What will he think? My God, what have we done?
And maybe out of Darkness a single ray of sun.

Her resolve much stronger than his lust, her drive to do what's right,
Prevailed and gave her judgement (though she didn't sleep that night.)
And life goes on, and snowfalls come - Young children play on sleds,
And both can dream what might have been. Dreams better left unsaid.
PwL  2005

I tried and now I'm tired.
I explained my reasons,
I swallowed my pride,
I cried my heart and now,
It's broken.

I tried to be what you wanted,
I changed, I altered, I revised.
I became better you said.
But then I still wasn't.

You always said,
"Trust is not enough."
With much jealousy,
I know you never trusted me at all.

This is the truth.
I love you.
It's been 2 years,
I tried and now,
I'm just tired.

There are entire worlds
behind your eyes.
Stories hiding deep inside.
Places where hopes and dreams thrive.
Places where
...maybe...
my heart can reside.
Worlds where the irational things
exist rationally.

I swear,
Behind your eyes
there are worlds
that I
could travel far and wide,
Where I
could see the beginning
and the end of time.


And I know
Your eyes hold secrets.
But so do mine.

I consider myself a mirror.
Look into me and
I shall reflect what
you expect to see.

Everyone despises mirrors
for the truths they echo,
but mirrors are just glass
and they shatter when you hit them.

His hands are ice,
Sharp like broken glass,
But he says, "Come here,
The cold won't last."

So you hand him your heart,
With a smile on your face,
His hands are ice cold,
But your heart is in flames.

He says, "Trust me,
You'll melt me to a puddle,
Fire and ice,
We'll make such a nice couple."

So you give him your all,
With a smile on your face,
And you fall and you fall,
Toward your icy embrace.

He squeezes his hands,
With your heart inside,
He didn't melt, put your flames out,
But you smile and say everything's fine.

Then you say, "That's okay,
My flame comes from within.
I'll take my frozen broken pieces,
Reconstruct and shine again."