Her large eyes watched me
Preparing a meal for her
To ease her hunger
And a little unsure she asked me:
Why are you so nice to me?

I smiled because I understood
Know this my friend
You have nothing I want
I do this because I love you
And because I can.

I know I can't change the world
Although I truly want to
Each good deed sends waves
Across the universe
All I can do is empower you

Surely we must practice
What we preach
To do right by the world
But before anything else
We must learn
To preach the right things

That's all I wish of you
And I will help empower you
So that one day
When you are whole, learned and strong
You may do the same for someone else

Start with the small things
One day they will be big things
Hold on to the ones that fall
Pull a stranger in to safety
That's how you change the world.

"Look at me
I have nothing
To show for my life!
I just bought sunblock
With an anti-wrinkle agent!
I haven't had ***
For 6 months
My body is wasting away!
My eggs are wasting away!
What am I going to do
With my life?
I'm almost 30!!!"

Um...you're...26....
I think you still have time.

I can still feel
The emotional marks you left
On my mind, in my brain.
I can see the marks you never left on my body

Nothing I do to you
Will fix that.
Nothing I could do to harm myself
Would fix that
Nothing I do to you will fix that.

So how do I fix myself?

"I can't overpower you"
I would say to a kind man.
"You would never have to!"
He would reply, eyes wide open
nothing there I haven't heard before
I think to myself

The Post-Traumatic brain
Does not wait around.
It is always pro-active.
I could defend myself
Against a smaller man.
But not the giants I feel so drawn to.

The body wants, what the body wants.

I'd be easy bait for him.
Why couldn't it be differently?
To fight
Or to flight?

Or to face the challenge
And trust
That not all men
Who carry guns
Use them to shoot you?

I sat at the workshop
Two hours on scanners
And milling
I've been through
The theory before
All this new technology
Is a touch of someone's genious

I felt the brush in my hand
And the gentle caress
As it touched the surface
I felt the craft in my fingers
And the joy in my gut
The technique...

I looked over at her
Known her since highschool
Another lost cause
There's a technician
Inside her too
So then what happened?

We follow the same course
She's my best friend
My colleague
And school friend
We did everything
Around each other
She was a good technician
And I, I know I was too

A representative included my name
In the list of promissing technicians.

Then what am I doing?

Granted I have nothing to regret
My current job will get me closer
But why the detour?
Then I saw it
As I looked over
To one of my teachers
Who had showed up
For the same course

If you never build up
Your students
To believe that they can
They can indeed
Achieve anything
Then you will see
How they get lost
And hopefully found

That's how you lose a talent
By telling people
That whatever they do
It will never be good enough
You do not raise fighters
Because to fight
You need to believe that
The cause is just

You need to believe
That you can win.
We were never taught that way.
That's how you lose a talent.
And maybe the trick is
In the balance
Of giving balanced critisism
To point out the flaw
And to say
"You'll get the hang of it"

I still remember
the last day we spent together
Last day of the 4 years
you walked by my side
You asked to wander the streets
I had to go to work
We parted ways and I was fine
Little did I know I made you cry
It just wouldn't hit me.

Two weeks after you left
I had my skype on
Curled up on my bed
Your voice come through
We cried and I said
"Please come home"
The Lights went out
Just me
Your voice
And the cold floor

2 months after you left
I'm working overhours everyday
The weekends are a big blurr
I talk to no one unless I'm wasted
Such profanities leave my lips
Sentences get tangled up
I cry in the arms of an old friend
He hardly recognizes me
I slur on
It's safe here

5 months after you left
Just one joint before I go home
I shouldn't be smoking
The pain suspends me midair
I have no controll of my life
Chivas goes down fast
This perfect combo puts a smile on my face
A senseless dumb smile

Everything stopped
All the thoughts
All the emotions
All the words
What feels like empty tears
Come without any triggers
black make up lines on my pillow
A raw voice sings me to sleep
I close my eyes and let the world spin

What if what is being asked of you
Is too much for you to handle?
Should I just sit here and watch you
Break down that girl
Who contains all
The love and the blessings
That were bestowed upon her
As her rightfull heritage?

Is it love to sustain
Bad behavior simply because
It reliefs us in short term?
Or is it love to teach you
That abuse is only there
As long as you allow it?

It does not mean
That I will ask her to get even.
It means that I will empower her
To stop taking in
That which no longer grows her.
Look for better solutions.
For if it works for you
Then it is true to some extend.

Karma can never manifest
Untill you speak up
And say that it was never meant
To go that way.
The pain will not stop
As long as you
Make excuses for bad behavior.

The connection lies
Within the fact that
If she excuses a mistake
That has not been rectified
By the universal laws at play,
Then she is not speaking up
Against it and agrees to some extend.
For if it works for you,
It is true to some extend.

Stop allowing it to work.

Snatched from my mind
The world appears brighter
All I know is,
That it's a beautiful place

This forest...
This shed...
This playground...
This bed...

Snatched from my memory
I can remember
The most impossible things
But not this.

All I know is
that the world is a beautiful place...

Something is wrong with me
If only I could explain it in words

The doctor who wanted to talk
Keeps asking
"Do you still have these drawings"

"No I tore them"

The light left her eyes.
No hope.

"Leave her alone" she said

And I got away with alot of *******.

Snatched from my memory.
This is true
It's PTSD.

No matter what
This also means
If they don't love us back
If they hurt us
If they cheat us
If they break and beat us

One would think
We would then be
At the mercy of Love
Never giving up
Never standing up for ourselves

But if we Love ourselves
Unconditionally first
We'll never be at anyone's mercy
Because love needs no space
Love needs no time
Love is the founding force
Of which all things are made

Remove anything from your life
That no longer serves you
If it comes back
Then perhaps
You still have something to learn
But above all things

Do what is right
For yourself first.

Towards the end of the internship
I was nervous and under pressure
I didn't get the job in the end
I wondered if all the good things
The things you said about me
The 85% on my final evalutation
The two 90's and an 80%
Were all a lie
Was I untalented?
Did I do or say something?

You are serious as I greet you
With an open heart
And watched yours close before me
The smiles, hugs and handshakes
From others
"Those were good times,
Call me sometime" she said

Your wife turned her back to me...

Exited and with feeling
I assisted the technichian
Just for a few minutes, happy
I still got it, all of it

"There's only one reason you weren't hired; his wife is afraid of you"

At loss for words I listen to you
Give me a peptalk
So you do believe in me
Enough to give me tools
To become your worst enemy
And you know I'm ruthless in business
Surely otherwise you would not
Tell me to apply with a competing firm

The smell of guilt in the afternoon.

I don't know for sure
What it all means
But there's something
About your gaze
The emotions on your face
There's a softness
Within you
That sends shivers
Down my spine.

Maybe it's in your eyes
I just can't figure out
What color they are
Blue maybe green...
Can't hold your gaze
Even for a second.
Watching you opens my heart...
So what now?
Can't be angry or sad
Just like to linger in your scent...

But something is different
Because I hear music
For the first time in years
I mean to really hear
I felt this strange sensation
In my heart, I just couldn't
Put my finger on it
I guess I called it hope...
yeah, it must've been hope.

There's peace too...
When I think of you.
Just can't say a word
Nothing will come out.
I shrug my sholders,
I guess I'm doomed.
What is there to be done?
I'm *******.

The homeless
More often than not
We assume that they
Made themselves that way

Perhaps this is true
To some extent
But I think that
Maybe we're all responsible

Even if it's just a little

A friend of mine
Has a real heart for adventure
She came to see me
And hung out all night

With, yes, the homeless.

They had as much cash
As she did
She was not homeless
Just reckless

Yet she gave what she had
To a young man
Who looked after her
In a strange country

(After she took off to explore the city on her own)

He wanted to exchange
A loaf of bread
For his bike
With two flat tires.

She found more
Genuine common desency
Within them than most people
Who have it all.

"Don't worry girl, I've got your back"
Knowing full well
That she was on street
Just out of curiosity

Some of them really
Just need someone
To look at them
And see

A real human
With the same heart
The same mind
And the same emotions

As everybody else.

I will not think differently
Of you, if one day
I drop a euro in to your cup
Or you drop one in mine.

It was kind of like
Walking in to a movie
Three generations were present
The father of the family
Age 78 or so sat by the table
He spoke his truth
To the pagan witch
And us, we just listened.

Your house spoke of love
It spoke of a tribe and a home
It said "ownership
Is for those who claim it"
For better or for worse
In awe I watched the result
Of your undying love
To your laid wife.

With all my power I drew
Calligraphies of your walls
Set a field of whatever it is
That souls set fields of.
I whispered words of comfort
In to it's foundation
And secrets of love and hope
In to this air.

I learned deeper compassion
And Tao Mastership
But you, you may have taught me
Something money can't buy:
Your unyielding devotion.
By your window sat two girls
Marveling at what has come to pass
In your lineage and how peaceful you made it.

We never knew it really existed.
But then I suppose that
That which we believe to be true
Will come to manifest in it's own time.
Your unyielding faith has come to prevail.
There's a smile and a warmth
As I hold this esoteric present in my palms.

All you need to do, is believe it.

Last night in the deepest slumber
My mind forced upon me a sight
A terrifyng thing gave me a fright
A cruel and effective vision
Presentation of true value
By stripping it of it's purpose

Upon strolling by the lake
I saw a body in the water
A young woman, picture perfect
Stripped of her clothes
Floating, skin all blue
Did you fall and drift away
Did you get caught in the stream

I ventured in to the water
Cried over the loss of her life
A young woman
Isn't anyone looking for her
Where is everyone
Did you come here alone
Did you do this to yourself
I looked around adjusted my eyes

I took in great big stones
Covered by moss
A few of those on the beach
Branches fallen from trees
Nature's waste washed upon the shore
Then I looked closer
Is that a leg sticking out?

Then the reality hit me
The girl in the water
Was just one of the many
She must've drifted off
From the hundreds
Massacred and sterilized women on beach
Piled up like firewood

What a crime, for shame
What a loss, there aren't enough tears
They were used up and tossed
A momentary release
Of a monster within the perpetrator
Possibly looking for it's new victim
Behind my back for all I know

As if there is an infinite stock
As if their existance and growth
Could happen over night
As if It didn't take love and care
To ensure their wellness
As if two people didn't work
Tirelessly to raise their children
To shape the people they were going to be
As if they didn't have paths to walk
Friends to meet and destinies to fullfill
As if God hadn't given them any meaning at all

It's almost impossible to explain
These waves that carry me around
There must be a million islands here
Yet I always end up at the same shore
I can only express it
With my exhilarated heartbeat
The weakness of my body
Eventhough I've always known
It to be exceptionally strong and virtuous
I have never felt such a pull before
Not even then...
It's almost like the Divine
Grabbed my ear, like I'm a stubborn child
And said walk this way, you know you want to
Who am I to go against it
Suppose it's a way of Trust
Knowing that it's right
Eventhough everything looks wrong now
Everything except you.

Do you remember what it was like
When adults spoke words
That we were too young to understand?
Do you remember what it was like
When we were programmed by our parents?
They explained meanings of words,
Trained us in diciplines
And spoke truths
We were too inexpirienced to deeply understand?

Do you remember what it was like
To see a bridge for the first time?
To really see it and wonder
Why it was there and purpose it served?
Something so mundaine today
Back then we just trusted
That if it was there,
Then there must've been
A good reason for it.
We trusted that everything
We saw and heard was true.

don't lie to children

Has it ever occurred to you
That everything we see for the first time
Is being viewed without judgement.
We don't know what it is.
It is up to those who explain it
To remain equally unjudgemental
So we can make up our own minds.
Do you realise that life
Is still a surprise to young eyes?
Don't program them wrong.

Do you realise the responsability
To purify your own mind
Before you speak it
To inexpirienced ears.
If you teach hate, you will see it
Everywhere you go.
Someone once said
if you plant a tree, it will never grow to become grass
So stop demanding it to...
it will always be a tree.
But you help it become
Happier and healthier.

They won't become what you want them to become.
They will become that which they hold a potential for.

We sat on the floor
You and me
I still feel like a young girl
And you still act like a young man
We sat on the floor
You and me
You said you forget the bad
And only hold on to the good.
We smiled and I saw myself
Within you.
There are lines forming around our eyes.
Nearing 30, you and me...

"Do you know what happens, when you ignore all the bad?"

He said he didn't know

you drift apart slowly, until there's nothing left to remember except the bad

But we didn't know that
When we were younger.
We didn't know.

I've never taken a leap of faith
Never gave my heart away
Never exposed myself fully
Always kept one hand on my heart
A protective measure
Never surrendered
Never gave in

Then I met you
The great wall of China
Came crumbling down
And I was exposed
And the words
That left your soft lips were:
I don't want to be in your head
But in your bed.

Normal
That's what you are before it happens.
Death is an abstract concept.
You may have thought about it.
You may have feared it.
But you never think
"Today I could die"

You never thought
Someone would violate
Your integrity
It was just an abstract concept.
You have thought about it
But never really felt it
You never thought
"Today someone might violate me"

But then it happens
I remembered nothing
There was an euphoria
Within me, like all was well
And a contradiction
Tells you to watch you step
hypervigilance

You make peace with death
You smile at it
if you have to have me, please be kind
You don't want it to hurt
So you learn to fight
And you learn to flight.
It's a brave new world

Things that nobody else
Sees as a problem
Send a panic through your gut
And you know it's not a big deal
but what if it is
what if it happens again
There's a new set of rules
As the adrenaline
Creates new pathways in your brain.
There's now a new set of rules
For what should be considered dangerous.

What if I got one day
To be someone else?
To walk another's shoes
On a different path?
What would I be?

Would I want to make
All the bad memories go away?
Surely they do not serve me?
Would I want to be unharmed?
A more delightful existance?
Perhaps all the bad things
Made me better than
I could've ever imagined.
Was it in a gentle way?
No, but it was turned
In to my advantage after all

Would I want to be rich?
The mere thought
Makes me giggle.
What can the world offer me
In materials and things
That would make me happier
Than what is in my heart?
Surely I come from a good family
You know, the kind
That got a little lost over time.
"You may never be rich,
But you'll always be intelligent"
Isn't that enough?

I'd like to think so.
Money doesn't tempt me
Nor does the loss of a fortune
Scare me.
Poverty made us inventive.
I've never felt bad about it anyway.

Would I want to be
The It-Girl?
Somewhat glamorous perhaps?
serious question
Not really...
What does she have
That I don't?
I may not be much
On the social ladder,
But I was never much
Of a social climber.
I speak to everyone the same way
Isn't that what we need?
Just plain reality of things?

I know!
If I got one day
To be someone else
I would be
The person I will be tomorrow.
That's who I want to be.

The anger boiled up again.
I wondered whether it would ever go away.
What was it about all this
That triggered me so intensly?
Was it just frustration?
Or was it frustration
Boiling up from helplessness?
I was powerless against the flash backs.
Powerless against my past, my mistakes,
My inability to allow harm on others.

But I was still here.
Where do I go from here?
What is anger?
Is it simple self-defence?
And if so, against what?
I was trying to find reasons for my pain
Only to realise, that there is none.
Because there is no reason within me
Because I was not the root cause.

It wasn't until I opened my eyes
To the reasons of others
That I realised, that it had nothing to do with me.
I let the pain die away
I was the collateral damage
Of someone else's inner war.
So I removed myself
In understanding that I would never grow sick from this...
They would grow sick from having done what they did.

And in that moment, I felt compassion.

I forgave.

The fear never left
I could still lose everything
To someone else's inner war.
So then what is fear...?

Sincerety...
My teacher once spoke them words
Her voice, soft as the wings on these birds
I took her words to my heart
Sticked to them from the start

Always really

But now I hear you speak
Like it's some cruel streak
Well **** Imma take that from you
*** your communication is ill too

What you see is what you get
Honesty is always the safest bet
But that's never been your strength
As you gossip at a baffeling length

Fine Imma say it
See how you'd take it
If I really stop selecting my speech
Words to fill these sheets

You're a selfish ****
With no regard for those
Who work day and night
For an over grown kid
Come real close
Imma show you the light

I've watched life unfold
In this past month
I left my job the same way
I arrived to it
Like a thunderstorm
And I didn't regret it for a second

The questions are on replay in my head
What if I can't find a job?
What if I lose my apartment?
What if Iose everything?
I watched a friend
In the same situation
Her jaws clunching from pain.

Wish I could help
What if I could help?
Her pain radiated through me
And my tension levels rise
I check my account
Call off all the dentists
Tell her what to say
In order to get her way
They wouldn't do it
She cried. She never cries.

Well **** this if I can't even fix her!
I thought to myself
As I buried my face in my hands.

But then it all fell in to place
Like the Whisperers said it would.
Two job offers, starting on Monday
I'm saved!
I gave her the money
this is what you say to get your way
It all worked out.
Her pain stopped...

My relief spread through me rapidly
And I sighed my pain away.
All in one day
Sometimes life smiles at you
And what a beautiful smile it is.
And in that moment I noticed you...

The boy with dark eyes
Professor in engeneering.
I could do worse
I think to myself
As I check out your ***.
"You were right" I smiled
"That's more than I got out of my exes"

Oh I see. We've arrived at the ladder of comparaison
I smirk as I put your things in my bag
Because you asked me to hold on to them,
As a subtle indicator
That I'm more than comfortable around you...

A certain peace befalls us
As we stroll through these fields
Where the grass grows so high
I've been here before
It's where I played as a child
3 weeks every summer

I still smell the scent of the barn
That held home
To 16 cows
Here they cut off the horns
And feed them hormones
But not where I come from

Their warm coat colored brown and white
I still hear the lady call them out
Her voice echoes
Through the hallways of my memory.
Here we stopped being
The girls from the city

Each august it was time to harvest
We carried the pitch forks
In our small hands
To the fields where the tractors
Slowly drove by
Skin scratched open
From the insect bites

The burden of hay allergy
But we never loved it less
We caught mise in the barn
Build beds of hay blocks
Swam in the lakes
And took long walks

Toward the end of the cow's labor
With our bare hands
We aided the calf in to this world.
And watched their first steps
And offered them their first milk
We sighed from boredom
And screamed of exitement

There where the grass grows so high.

A wise soul once shared
Upon its return to heaven
That Love is the Founding force
Fore there must be love
In order to create

As I sit here before a blank canvas
Brushes ready and the paint mixed.
Am I unable to translate my soul
On to your white surface
Because I don't love you?

That could not be it as I would
I would love my own creation.
Is it because I broke some
Threw a few out and because
Of the ones that were taken from me?

Is it for all of those times
I tore myself down and told myself
It would never turn out
Just the way I wanted it to
Or even more deeply:

Have I failed to love myself?

She said they were her favourite people in the world
The crazies
It wasn't always the case
She tried to reason with them
Make them see that they saw it all wrong
To cure insanity
"Your wife died years ago, surely she won't be here shortly"
This was the mantra
But he wouldn't believe it
For if anything was true in his heart
Then it was that his wife would be there
Untill one day she lost her patience
Too tired to argue anymore
"I hope she finds a parking spot"
The happiness spread on his face
A sigh of relief
His heart opened once more
Finally the shrink saw reason!

Dear Governmet
I have watched you for a while now
And it must be said
You need to come down to earth
Have any of you walked among
The regural people lately
Has it occurred to you
That by encrasing the tax
On any comsumption just might
Backfire big time
Each time you ask us to pay more
Criminality increases dramatically
People get sicker than before
You get poorer and basically
You ask us, the people, to get creative

Do not underestimate the masses
We have claimed our rights before
Each time you take from us
We take from you
And let's be honest
You need us more than we need you
Let me remind you that we went
Without you for more than a year
And the economy blossomed
We do not depend on you
However, weather you will
Be able to provide your employees
A villa and a Porche
Depends entirely on us.
Let's be honest
That will only work for so long

In how many cases
Have you wondered
If that girl you want to ****
Is going to solve your insecurity
In how many cases
Have thought
That if you can nail this guy
It will make all you problems go away

You descend in to the belief
That love solves all problems
And I guess that would be true
To some extend
Because love is just that powerfull
But then I ask you
If at the end of the day
When you've conquered your conquest
Do you feel better now?

Or does the negativity
Just creep up on you again
This time in the form of
I still don't feel better
Or
I wonder is she is going to call me back

So was that the answer
Or was it just a shot term solution
For a bigger problem?
You can ride all the ***** you can catch
And **** all the ******* you can get your hands on
But in the end of the day
You'll still feel that same void
That can only be filled with what you, yourself decide to put in it.

I guess it's just like the Buddha said:
Who in this universe deserves your love and affection, if not you?

Wish I could explain it to myself
You sure as hell haven't.
Wish I could argue both cases.
Wish I could find the middle way
But where your face
Appears in my dreams
As I sleep over day
And most of the night,
It is always followed
By more question marks.
Wish I could let it all go.
But your hands appear
On my body
As soon as I close my eyes.

I keep hearing...
It's like a voice...
It keeps telling me
All these negative things

My dear sister
I know you don't believe it
But you could actually
Talk to those voices
I know you don't believe it
But you are hearing
The very same
Spiritual messages as I do.

We'll just call it insecurity
Which is where this comes from.
you know when it happens to me
I just argue it untill it stops
Or smile and ignore it
She smiled, case closed.
I wish I could tell you
But you are not open for this.
And that's ok.

I did take your advise though
You know when you said
To ask myself everyday
"What can I do to make myself happy now?"

What are the odds?
I watched her
Plant her lips on his
She was twirling around him
It was like her affection
Was the best compliment he could get.
What were the odds?
She's my sister.
They wrote letters to each other
For 13 years.
When he finally got out
She left her relationship
As to join her true love.
The one that she struggeled
To love for 13 years.
The one that she struggeled
To hate for 13 years.
I smile with joy in my heart
As I watch his contentment
As he finally wraps his arms around her
And the smile and blush
That appears on her face.
Like it was the best compliment
He could've given her.

They really made it
Through everything
Went to hell and back
With each other
And came out victorious.

I decided recently
That maybe I'm better off alone
Just for a while
To sort myself out.
The thought gave me
Immediat and deep peace.
Everything made sense again
And in this moment
As I watch you
In each other's embrace
I know for the first time
That that's what I want for myself
And it's worth the wait.

The cough woke me up
Around 5 am, in the dark night
Automatically I checked my phone
Had a smoke and went back to bed

11.30 morning coffee
I check my phone
Two messages
A little surprised I see your name

"Go back to sleep x"
There's only one way
You'd know I was there last night
And that is if you checked it

The x's that used to feel
Like a conditioning technique
Are there now in abundance
Nothing else needs to be said

Perhaps it was that you realised
I was much less proud
And more willing to find peace with you
Or maybe you just missed me

Perhaps it's all in the past
And the Highest Truth remains
Mistakes were made
But perhaps it was done out of suffering in the first place

Either way
There will always be an x
Here for you
And hopefully someday an o

Mom I know you think
You're angry now
But maybe this will help you
I know you thought
I'd never amount to anything
Even after becoming a teamleader
At the age of 23

Even though you still don't
Believe it of me
Now that I'm one
Of your supervisors
Mrs Governess
So it's time I tell you a few things

I started going out
At the age of 14
I know you thought I was
Staying with my sister
And I really was
But... You know.

I lost my virginity
6 months before you found out
I've had more than one accident
You know aside from the one
That you know of
But to be honest,
I kind of blame you
For never wanting to talk about it
That's not going to
Make it stop from happening

It was me who broke in to the cellar
Sorry I left my keys at home
You know... Even after
You installed that wooden thing
And removed the doorknob
After I did it the first time
You know... To make sure
I wouldn't do it again

I was not selling my body
When I didn't come home
All summer and the easter vacation
I was with the Consul's daughter
Smoking, drinking and getting high
We broke in to some
Abandonned houses
And set a few trash cans on fire

We stole her dad's car
Well they stole, I stood on street
Telling the other cars to turn around
We also stole Pedro's car
Nobody had a driver's license
And there were 6 passengers
I violated a few christian statues
And made out in a confessional

I used to come an hour late
To school on mondays
So I could cash my cheque
At the bank
You know... From the cleaning job
That I did after school
Which is how I got all the money
And no, dark street corners
Had nothing to do with it

We got in to a fight on the bussstation
And almost again
When a girl threatened my sister

Are you still mad
About me quitting
My current job?

You sat here hours ago
I watched him kiss you
With love and affection
True passion
Like a boy who
Is really trying to impress you.
You giggeled and twitched
I smoked my cigarette
He held you in his arms
You screamed as he spun you around
Showing off his strength.
Cuz he's the man!
You swore in between the giggles
kurwa
I'm just standing here
smoking away
Watching you play
Like young couples play
ugh you kids are disgusting
I muttered with a smile on my face
you made my day
Still here *** you can't go home
And too in love to part already.

You walk around like the room belongs to you
And I think you're being a prat

You have a well build body
And sweet eyes
A calm manner of speaking

You tend to hear me out
And compose yourself
But not today

I liked that better.

Should your current behaviour
Suggest that you're and idiot?

But then I realised...
You're showing alfa male behaviour.

You like me.

I stood by him
My safe zone
No need to approach
I'm surrounded by
A bunch of hairy *******
My bearded friends
Just needed a hug
From someone who cared
Even with years in between
He's still the same
But he's seen me
Come and go as I please
And yet, in the middle
Of all the jokes
And all the fun
The song of Alt-J
Plays in my head
And I see your smile.
Why is it me
You've chosen to follow?

What if we were to
Give everyone in our hearts
A number as a name?
Each of these numbers
Multiplied by each other
Would give us a result
That defines
Who we have become
And how we live our lives,
How we make our choices.

Maybe mum is a 5
And dad is a 2
Maybe my two home girls
Are an 8 and a 7.
And my sisters
Are a 3 and a 4
Then I would be 6720.
Maybe I'm a 9 to someone else...
But this is not what defines me
But rather how I define others.
My impact on them.

Someone once said
That all is nothing
And nothing is all.
To find out what "nothing" means
We must first ask
What "everything" means.
Maybe we all just want to be a 0.
That perfect stadium
Of being everything and nothing
All at once.
The perfect balance
The golden middle way.
The Source.

So then if you
Make me feel
Like I can no longer
Be defined by exterior digits
Then are you multiplying
My whole life and everything in it
By 0, thus making me 0?
Does it mean that the way
To the perfect balance
Is to let the numbers be what they are
And letting you neutralize me
And render me to nothing
And everything all at once?