It's becoming harder then ever
to keep track
because
not even deja vu
will bring you back.

Your silver lining,
                    fading
                    to grey.

We had different feelings
at the same time;
or maybe
the same feelings
at different times.
Either way we never quite saw eye to eye,
because yours were always bloodshot,
and mine filled with tears.
It seemed like every time I was content to wipe them clear,
your gaze turned to glare
because so much of me resembles you,
even how I laugh,
But you don't chime in like you used to.
And I'll confess that I tried not to mind
that our hands don't fit as tightly
as they had before;
and that I should have stopped,
open my eyes,
realized it was your heart I was up against,
before my greed for your love caused pain
and broke you into pieces I could no longer fix
that had scattered too far to contain.

9:04pm
My circulation is poor
You consumed far too much of my veins,
leaving little space for my own blood to flow.
I saw your favorite bagels on my counter this morning,
it seemed quite strange to me because
I know you wont be around here
anytime soon.
And you don’t have to tell me twice
I’m already convinced
that you don’t know the difference,
but I saved you like the last drop of coffee at the bottom of the mug
anyway
all that remains is your smell on my pillow
and a conscience as clouded
as your steamed filled car
one friday night
and I've swallowed the sad truth that my hands may be meant
for applying the shampoo to wash your troubles away
but theres no point in trying if you're too stubborn to turn on the faucet.
once
just one time
let me flow over you
and show you the love i could give;
you’d reject it anyway,
you've never been good at loving anyone
but yourself.
but the fingers on the piano keys invited me to sing along,
not to the sad melody I stream in my mind
that reminds me of you.
and i'll never show you any of the poems I write
because then you'd know I think of you
as constantly as the clock changes time.
9:33pm

Your car was perfectly warm
with a chill that wouldn't fail.
My hands strong enough to know
not to hold yours frail.
And that bottle of wine haunted us both,
longing for a sip.
Me, like that bottle,
unsafe in your grip.
But anyway,
I drank.
Partially to remind myself of what we'd had before,
but it tasted different,
sipping it became more of a chore.
And you were nervous to be beside me,
I could feel it getting worse,
when you brushed my leg and said sorry
with an uncomfortable amount of force.
It's okay
I remind you
it's just me.
Quick to fill the silence I reached for a CD,
but no track seems to fit the mood.
All of our favorites sounded wrong,
too much tension in every song.
Fumbling through the tracks,
I ignored the breeze
to fill the unending silence,
of friends turned lovers turned enemies.
And before I could muster a new conversation,
a tear hit my lap,
because between me and my best friend,
not even music could fill the hallow gap.

i closed                            my heart                            to lose myself
all the doors                   shut out                             the person
but forgot                       the sound                           i found
to keep                           your mind                          i cracked the lock
the key                           you shared with me         and set us free

It's enough,
to be the only.

And to the spot
on my neck,
be gentle.

Forget,
please forget.

Even the moon
hides its secrets
from the sun.