You see,
i can always find them out there
like wild flowers near the green field
outside my house,

down the road

In a town
random corners, random streets
cracked concrets

you can see them there

We're naive enough to be together.
We aren't afraid of losing love.

The sun, the sun,
How silly it is to the moon, the moon.

But without the sun, the sun...

The moon will not appear
Beautifully in the night, the night.

A fear,
clueless of its phobia name.

A fear,
for losing a pack of chips.

A fear,
for opening to what will end.

A fear,
of ending a pack of costly chips.

A fear,
of having no pack of chips in the cabinet.

A fear,
of missing chips without a notice.

A fear,
that disappear once you open a pack
and restore new ones back into the cabinet.

The pain we cannot escape.

The pain so sweet with
Love we cannot escape.

The pain held merciless has been expelled.

We are only as close as we allow.
It's true we've gotten closer and it's true we will never be together.
It's true; Love is the ultimate unreasonable activity.

It's adorably cruel.

I dare not speak of my undesirable heart
Pushed by a radio button
Flooded with radio waves
Electricfiying my disinterest and the sums of ambivalent

Is too early to measure my heart's desire
I shall not speak.

***, hot water, whisking,
smoothly blended, tea bowl, spring,
tea garden, thick, quiet.

You'll be strong
You will be

After all you will go thru
You will be

You will look back
And you will believe

And I will pray
I will pray for you
In the midst of it

My home is a mess
literally and emotionally
I think my dad secretly hates me
Just like how I’ve hated my dad all these while
Absent father, no emotional support
My mother care too much, and always invalidates my emotions and experiences
What’s the point of giving birth,
If you’re not going to support the child?
Why was I even born into this unhealthy family
***** for me

I never thought I could swim within pressure from the weight of the ocean depth.
Each dive opens to a danger atmosphere.
Clear blue, deep blue, I am swimming within pressure.

I can swim in the ocean depth.
This is my sport.

First you introduce as pop
Then you let him know you are indie

Afterwards tell him how much you love him thru jazz and how you shiver in electro

Sometimes you can be insane you drop to hard-style bass and you scream in nu-metal
Then you turn to rock cause you're feeling better
Once you've calmed yourself chill-waves settled in your ambient

You do your last ballad dance and you end with a folk bow

*Slowly fading back into synthesia dream pop

There's a sharp object in my heart
And its not coming out
Damaging my brain as it hurts
Physically

Mentally *******
Making me wonder
How did I survive
Till these days
To discover such mishap

And how it is possible to
Have come this far
Not knowing
Such suicide object
Could have been placed inside my heart

Probably have slit
Causing great
Internal bleeding

Causing blood clog
And all sorts
To this damage, hurting with uneasy

How will I survive?

Go pass the phase of a good taste
Go pass the haze and you'll see taste
In a while, even if it takes a while

Bridge the gap
Instead of letting the haze
Stink the taste

Keep tasting it bit by bit and
Never forget how it taste
Right in the haze
In a while, the taste will be clear

Refine and savouring

tell me that it is lovely
tell me i don't need to see
tell me that it is enough
tell me you’ll protect me

and give me the courage to believe in this

Everything is embarrassing
You’re always at the back of my mind
I almost died of embarrassment

Everything that you’ve experienced was not the real experience of who I am
I’ve been wanting to tell you what you’ve experienced but it never happened

I never had the chance
I am sorry for our loss and I know we could never turned back in time
But if you ever wants to connect again,
You are in it for a wild story, maybe another podcast.

Adjusting to the clock time, hanging upon the body fluid that flows from the ocean and sky reflecting the moon and sun of time.

She smiles so bright but inside she can't hide it

many times i disagree with myself
but
many nights i find myself with the same impression
that the nights are the most beautiful hours of the time
... the quietest
... the stillness
you cannot find in a busy afternoon

The nights
Are the perfect company
For myself

but
many times i am still in denial that there is a perfect time for myself

You can treat me
to books
Literature to fiction
Any types of stories, interest

You can treat me
to pens
0.1 to BM tips
Various colours would be nice too

You can treat me
To drinks
Macha green tea to bubble tea
Teas and coffee are some of which I drink

You can treat me
To a day out
You and me
With silence in-betweens

These are the pleasures things
You can treat me

I wish you see through me. Like looking beneath the water. All you see was the reflection you picked up from the surface of the water. Nothing you see is quite like me. Needlessly, nothing was done for a deeper plunge.

Gentle soft Love, so quiet,
it's onerous to hear out.

Quieten oh life to hear out.
Take heart.

TikTok Therapists
Played out a parody in my head
They made me swiped for gags of my sorrow
Millennials would say Tumblr was their therapists,
that’s what he told me
#relate
You will overcome the death of your feelings
Hold on to the future where it only gets better

We couldn't grow together.
I am like wheat.
You are like ****.

You live in my mind rent free
You’re wasting my time
Making a mental note to myself,
“Satan comes to ****, steal and destroy”
You come and go

Vulnerable strokes.
Fine lines, uneven lines, thick lines.
All my flaws and imperfection, you can see.
Yet you told me it was beautiful.

Life is a man.
Don't take life to heart.

Dear cheese,

I love your cheesiness,
I love how you swag with your flavours.
I love how you can be dress in so many ways.
And I especially love how you melt when you touches my tongue.

Love,
Human

When they don’t want to love themselves.
When they are in the mood, they think they love.
When they can’t see love.
It’s hard to love when there is nothing lovely.
You love the parts they can’t see for themselves.
You love because you had your share of love.
Not to fix them.
But to be there for them,
Just to show love.

Even for myself I run out of time even for myself
No time for you, where do I find time for you

(I)
Weariness my constant guest
Uninvited but settling in my chest
Slowing and thinning me; weak
I wish, somehow this lifeless ghost,
a shadow lingering in my body would drift away from my skin and let me rest.

(II)
Gray mornings
Weariness becomes my companion
Diluted white coffee
Wish you were here with me

I can.
I am creative.
I can create.

I don't wish for more time.
I don't wish for more money.

I wish to be more zealous.

Love is extravagant.
To her, Love is vague.
Love is like an ocean
and she is drowning to survive.

Can I hide in a comfy quiet space or with a soft instrumental bgm to read a book or magazine all day? Good food and a cup of ice white coffee. Nice scenery, starburst and sparkles. Date night  with authors and  late night at museums and galleries that open past midnight.

Don’t look back, because they gonna hold you back. What you can’t do in the past, doesn’t define what you can do in the future.

The ocean waves, a cloudy breeze, feeling blue.
I’ll picture us, beach towel on soft sand, just us two. Paint my mind with colours, don’t let it fade.
It can make my day, we might never be together.
I’ll imagine your love in the air, captured in this moment. Somewhere in the grand design— maybe, just maybe the universe and cosmo are pulling us closer.

We couldn't enjoy long silence together.
We couldn't enjoy long distance together.
We couldn't enjoy the idea of love altogether.

I listens to white noise like l'm in an airplane, It keeps me safe. I travel through space, like bubbles in air. I switch off to airplane mode, the mode to get away to be with you.

In the ward
They said I wanted to run away
I told him I was attached
Blurry chaos, scribbling my unorganised thoughts
I was attached to the sound happening inside my head
No one let me go

I am not a worthless piece of art.
I am God's Masterpiece.

I am not self-made.
I am God-made.
I belong in Christ.

A child in an adult body, senseless, hopeless, fixed mindset. Destine for self-sabotaged, defined by mediocrity. Stuck in a loop, bound to the past. Chained to their own haunted thoughts, weighing them down in the trapped of replayed memories. Unable to break free; no vision of the future.

I was too independent and God broke me down, it was isolation and negativity. He can't work in self-reliance, because without him you can do absolutely nothing. God design us to co-depend on community and co- depend on Him. You can be secure and dependent on God. He never created us to walk alone.

If I fall...
I might fall off...

Loneliness is painful but that lonely man could not feel any pain.
He lied to himself and it was the most painful experience.

What happened to our friendship,
Was it a sunken ship?
It is still a mystery.

You make me breathe too hard
You make me stop breathing

You make me breathe too deep
You make me love to hate
You make me cry and hurt too deep
You make me fall deep
You make me anticipate on ground zero

You make me sick
You make me work for love
You make me tired

You make me hate to love

Your Love once more.

My only wish is to die in your Love,
Quicker and every day again.

It felt like a relationship that had sailed away...