he wrote my life down like he was me.
he saw the tears i cried and the words i spoke and the lies i told saying
"its alright, i'm okay."
the days i hid away were the ones he would be happy,
but happiness only leaked if you were willing to accept the fact that i was broken.
he locked his eyes into mine
and i couldn't find the key,
so he opened his mouth like these words were going to come out and be my first aid kit
leading towards the light,
failure nailed into a lonely pit,
but he smiled.
the deep inhales
and heavy exhales were my life
communicated in disasters
only to be plastered by my sighs.
and the words
"no i'm just tired"
came out more than the hours i spent washed up on a winters day
without a smile or something to say so say it.
say the words like you mean,
no twisted vocabulary,
the laughs may vary,
not many people know about feelings.
though feelings lead to love
love leads to hate,
be my fate by the reason i wake up every morning.
be the sunshine that will help me ignore the closed door of family.
the scattered songs
or the long days and nights with prosperous fights with envy as my gun and no shield.
the disparity and loneliness of home only cut me down more,
the scars opened into black holes and only oblivion was taken in by them while i nodded
accepting that my black hole was only me and myself.
i only heal my wounds to hide them
i'm not hiding any more.
he wrote
"i found you."
i found me to.

Well I was skilled in body language
And you were skilled in breaking hearts
So close in heart,
Yet so far apart.
Souls connected,
Hands touched.
Remember this moment.
Remember the feelings
Remember your lies,
Yet remember how I am perfectly fine.
We can go back to the ambivalence of the times,
The innocent liquor,
That one night where I could say you were mine.
You were my new muse,
An alternate soul.
Did I love you?
Not even close.
Did I want to lose you?
No.
In your youth you probably shan't learn who you are yet,
But I feel sorry for you.
It will hit you like the ****** falling through the mast of your ships.

we grew up surrounded
by boys who taste like *****
and smell like cigars
or girls with too many playthings
and not enough decency
we grew up thinking that
no one will ever fall in love with us
because lust is often mistaken for a connection
and there are only words to get what you want
we grew up with empty bottles
and broken hearts
because love? Love is great when it lasts;
but it never lasts.

Hear each body cell speaking zen to the next one
result of self oblivious meditation opening-
numerous effulgent channels to sources of light in universe;
the meaning of the epithet, "jewel in the lotus" becomes evident,
body becomes all eyes and ears like that of a martial art expert's  in combat
(remember the chants immortal, the Guru's gift
that roused the coiled serpent  1)
soul, the essence, is liberated from all bonds,
limiting cycles of birth and death
stars on the firmament of inner sky is the brightest ever, rain light
"Aum" the cosmic hum, resounds sonorously  in the core of consciousness
life and death are words without any meaning in this state
liberation could never be expressed in words or by any other means
a never changing quietude dawns,  existence moves to a limitless space-
beyond dream in deep sleep and further to the realm of mysterious.
Existence becomes a reality eternal, beyond the three dimensional space
that state is an experience, now a moment is a millennium ,
gently slips in to cosmic consciousness, that swirls to envelop