it wasn't stupid,
what you did,
you were in a moment --
and moments
can sometimes feel
like forever.
especially when
your chest is too full
and your options too small.

you felt trapped,
kind of like
every single door
you tried
was locked
from the inside,
and the walls
we're quietly
caving in
on you.

but there was no
clear solution.
there was
only noise,
only ache.
yet you still
did what you could
to survive it.

and that was
never
stupid.
it was
human.

i looked into
her hazel eyes
a little too long --
which had
surprisingly
been long enough
to wonder
if forever
could fit
in
a
glance.

i refused to
call it more
than a blunder.
the way i looked at her --
too long.
but maybe
my heart
had just
slipped.

I keep saying it will be okay
cause you are everything I need these days

you say you're a disappointment
when I think you're a treasure

you say you can't handle everything
when I think you already do

you say you're not atlas…
when I think you’re my sky

I look at your face
you hit me with your eyes
and I understand that
it's hard to be

you ask for help
and I waited
for this moment
longer than I could remember
begging to help
someone
who wanted to dive
and drown
ending life

cause I believe
sometimes there are those beautiful things
down in the sea
coral they name
deep down you’ll see

and I believe
you can get lost in their beauty
but if you stay too long
you will drown
before you even feel you’ve gone down

and I believe
that admiring the beauty of the darkness isn't the fall
but touching is, when you lose it all

you say you're weak
when I think you're strong

you say you want love
a reaching hand
when I just hope
mine is enough

and I believe
oh I believe
that
I just need to try
even when
trying feels like drowning tho

But I let it win.
scratching  out unsaid words onto my self
Why can’t I just leave it alone on the shelf
Forget the sting
Leave  it in a bin
It could do anything
But I let it win.
I sit in the dark and trace my problems on my arm
Why can’t I mend without causing my self harm?
Why is it so hard
To let go of the pain
It’s like a twisted thought
Etched into my brain
Just needed some way to numb the feeling
I didn’t know id get addicted and forget about healing
Instead I cover my arms in lines
My very own self made designs
I like the colour red
Especially on my skin
I just give up
And let it win

i'm just tired
and I don't want to be
i'm just hurting
and I want to be happy

tell me lies
and I'll trust you still
tell me truth
and I'll never believe it