He doesn’t even hear the phone.
His skin is melted to the  bone.
Flicking lighters, getting higher.
He awaits to beg the buyer
To get more, to get more,
His body aches and then it’s sore.
It’s the rush, it’s the sting
All the comfort that it brings
Til it’s gone, til it’s ceased
To his knees. Amen. Now, peace.
Carry on. This isn’t real.
Keep the secret. That’s the deal.
I’ll keep quiet. I will hide it.
I will do my best to fight it.
But the horse is at the water,
I am the lamb and this is slaughter.

IM DONE
—————-
I’m tired to trusting people,
Who never ran the mile.
Trusting someone,
I had known was sketchy,
Has never been worthwhile.

Im tired,
Of giving someone something,
For them to never return it back.
I’m tired of them walking all over me,
Like a door mat.

I’m tired of people,
taking advantage of my kindness,
And using it to turn me,
Against the people I love.

I’m tired— SICK AND TIRED,
OF THEM RUINING MY LIFE.
I AM STRONGER THAN THAT.
IM CHANGING,
SO I CAN BE HAPPY,
AGAIN.

All those times,
You ran over my kindness.

All those times,
You took advantage of the chances.
I gave.

All those times,
you said you were there for me,
But then YOU LEFT.

YOU LEFT—when I needed you.

YOU LEFT—hurting me more.

All of your lying…
IM DONE!
IM FINALLY—
DONE!

i once had a dream.
about her, 
of course. 
who else would it have been?

and she was there --
in front of me
laughing, 
looking so
effortlessly
pretty,
like joy had learnt
how to refract
through her smile.
and she was
my girlfriend.
my
girlfriend.
and her lips --
they looked
like they were something...
between a promise
and a secret.
warm,
and soft.
i smiled
at her.
gosh.
she slowly leaned in,
and i had
plummeted
into waking.

it was just a dream.
not real.
not at all real.
but god --
it felt like solace.

I can't cut
No more
No
No
No
I promised

But the feelings are so strong
Overflowing me
I need them to pour down my arm
And out of my body

I can't
I can't be that weak
I just need to breathe
...
My lungs fail me

But no
No
No
I can't reach for it
Not allowed
Not anymore
Done with that, right?
I really just want to grab the knife
Razor
Needle
Anything
And end this misery
At least soothe it a little

But no
No
No
No
I can't

On the hardest nights
that you go outside
When you can’t breathe
Can’t stop shaking
And you look up at the sky
Desperate to feel better

For the vines to soften their grip
For the monster to hold your hand
And you see something bright up there
Something you didn’t even know you needed
A star
You
And suddenly
Its magic makes everything okay again
For a moment the blood stops pouring
Just to marvel at the brightness

But the star is all the way up there in the sky
And no matter how many time you shout how much you love them
They never get to truly know how much they saved your life
Sometimes even
They think that their brightness is too much
Hated

And they want to stop their beautiful burning
In fear that it is too much of something beautiful
That they don’t truly understand how beautiful it is
And that it can’t be too much

Dearest star,
You are never going to be too gay for us
Love is poetry after all
Love is all of your unfinished poems to your unfinished story
And just know that we love you
So so much

Just perfect

And I know,
Depression blocks that all out
It whispers everything you don’t need to hear
It tells you you’re not enough
But sweetheart
We are so lucky that the cloud moved
And that we get to marvel at you

so fold the paper crane
but don't you dare call it wrong
fold the peach paper
into a shape as magnificent as you
but don't cut it anymore
it is already stained red

and make people happy without losing your shine
glow as bright as your heart desires
you can please people
without losing yourself in their storm clouds
you are too bright a star
to dim yourself to their darkness

And of course, you may not be blue eyed barbie
but you are beautiful in your own way
you are a meteor shower
and believe me, that's so much better
a rare phenomenon
a magical occurrence

Every scar
Ever ***** up
Every tear
All of it
Is beautiful
and whatever you wish
just know you cannot be extinguished

we are all made of stars
cast down from the heavens
and turned into
a form we can recognize.

perhaps
we are not all made for a life
on this planet
and should have stayed with the stars.

maybe that is why
some of us look for a way
back to the stars
because we were not made
for this.

i met you almost
two years ago
i hurt you
while scrambling
through my own pain
trying to find my way
through a dark maze
with a haze of ache

you got caught
in my rage of
a crossfire
i realized
i actually liked someone
trusted them so easily

i was angry
someone actually
made me laugh
made me smile

the hurricane
was a category five
you took shelter
far away from me
my tears dripping
from the sky

two years after
the hurricane
we are just recovering
there is life again
there is growth
there is laughter
there is happiness
there is light


there is a second chance