7.6.25 (10:42 am / 10:42)
ariane.
all those lunches throughout the school year,
do you remember?
not just the two of us,
but somehow that still.

like the day of the dance-
i let you borrow my floral vintage dress,
and we all tried it on at our lunch table.

when i think of you,
i think of the way you twirled
and how the skirts flew in the air
and oh
how you laughed

at the dance we all posed for photos
looking at the camera
our mouths lip-gossed and pouting.
but my eyes always strayed back to you
and in one polaroid,
i’m smiling.

this is what i’ve been trying to tell you.

** m

i say
"i don't care"
like it's a piece of armour --
almost like if i say it
enough
itll become
true.

but my soul,
it still aches.
in the middle of the
darkness,
in the silence,
it remebers
what my mouth
tries to forget.

i don't care.
but only
out loud,
the rest of me
still cares --
in the darkness,
and in the silence.

when I love someone
I don't want to love their
gender or their skin
I want to love them
their laugh
their smile
their eyes
their humor
their kindness
their thoughtfulness
their talents
their skills
I want to love them
for them
not a made up version
of them
I want them to be theirself
and be proud
they don't need to be
a girl
or
a boy
or
gender nonconforming
I will love them
for them
and what they look like
does not matter
"I don't love a body,
that's just skin and bones,
not somebody"

i would hug you 6.29.25 (8:00 pm / 20:00)
i would hug you, if you'd let me
i would hold you until neither of us could breathe and
i would tell you that you deserve so much better
than what you have
and anything i could give you

i would tell you i could never love you enough
you amazing loving person
i still don't understand
how someone who feels so unloved (you're not)
can love a world back with their whole heart

i would hug you, if i could
whisper to you all the truths you deserve

you're not alone
you're beautiful in every way
you're so kind compassionate caring in ways no one else could
ever be

believe me, please
when i tell you i get it
i promise

does our distance make you sad? 6.29.25 (6:45 pm / 18:45)
does our distance make you sad
or are you just forgetting

do you remember those days we had
sitting next to each other
small and smiling
carefree

do you remember meeting me
kindergarten classroom
i kind of don't
it seems so long ago
but i remember we were instant friends

do you remember every day
when i came into the classroom, always later than you
we'd run up and hug each other

do you remember how we loved each other

you act like you've forgotten
you act like we were never friends

love i know we were broken apart
but is that a reason to forget me?

i remember you
oh, you

[playing: somewhere over the rainbow - live from manchester by ariana grande]

untitled 6.29.25 (6:34 pm / 18:34)
i'll listen when you talk
when you laugh
scream
cry

i want to listen to your words i want to hear you
i don't want you to be forgotten
i can't even bear the idea

when you're sad i want to hold you
tell you it'll be okay
tell you you can trust me

tell you i'd never leave

you are just so beautiful
the kind where i keep stealing glances at you
when i think you won't notice
because of course i don't have a chance

i can't imagine how i lived twelve years without you
maybe i didn't

i could go on and on and on
sweetheart
i wanted to say i love you

deleting poems 6.29.25 (6:32 pm / 18:32)
there were happy poems i wrote
apparently three thousand happy words
that i deleted

i couldn't look at them anymore