i want to be strong but i cant

untitled 3 6.21.25 (1:29 pm / 13:29)
i can’t handle this anymore
i’m so tired
so sad i’m just so sad it’s crushing me
i don’t feel it when i cut
my scars are the only proof i was ever bleeding

i can’t do this what did i do for this to happen to me

mood swings 6.21.25 (1:24 pm / 13:24)
something’s wrong with me, isn’t there
everyone says this is okay this is normal this is fine
doctors: this is just a side effect of the meds
friends: this happens to everyone
parents: it’ll be okay it’s okay

and me: this is fine i’m fine i can stay fine if i just keep this face of fineness
and blankness and stare into space

it’s not it’s not fine
i can’t do this anymore

i don’t believe in god but please someone help me
i was happy just a minute ago
please
let me go back

capitalization 6.20.25 (3:43 pm / 15:43)
i used to capitalize
i used to scream on the page
it seems like i used to be unafraid
and now i whisper
what happened to me?

[playing: no tears left to cry by ariana grande]

Loneliness is a record player
Sitting in an attic
With no record

It is when you look into life’s mirror
And see you’re not alone
You see the monster of your mind creeping up behind you
Whispering loud enough that only you can hear

Loneliness is the loudest silent scream of them all
Yet no one can hear how loud you feel it
Through any bathroom stall

Perfect doesn't mean without imperfections
Because imperfections are lovely
Perfect means that I wouldn't have to you any other way
So when you say you're not perfect
Because you've made some "mistakes"
I want to cry
Because those mistakes are beautiful
Because they are part of you
And you my friend,
Are perfect

Stay extraordinary,
I love you

thank you 6.21.25 (8:42 pm / 20:42)
i think i made someone's day happier today

i don't think you have any idea how wonderful that is
the feeling that instead of ruining something like i always do
i made it better
you'll never know how happy that made me
to realize i could help someone else be happy too

she said i was a star
the kind that comes out from behind clouds
on a too-dark night

i have never been told anything more beautiful

all the stars are on your side, liana
thank you