Why do I have to move?
To cause emotions?
To hurt people?
Why do I have to have the ability
To raise butterflies?
To destroy worlds?
Why do I have to be
In a community of bodies?
In an ******* of souls?
Why do I have to be me?
To have this power,
To have a personality.
Why should I have
The ability to break?
To love somebody?
Why this?
Why?

I reject it all

Let me disappear
In a chapter of a book,
In a movie scene,
In the background of paintings.
Let me fall in love
Without the flowers or dates,
Without the seaside,
Without the spur of madness.
Let me serve in truth
In the quiet of real death,
Without attention,
With the taste of fresh water.
Let me be human
Without the splendor of stars,
Without the need to cheat death.

Turn me into fire
Into a forgotten star
Turn me into sand
Into the seashore of faith
Don't let me be whole
I want to forget myself
And remember you
Only you and nothing else
Send me into hell
Into the darkest heaven
Drag me to the depths
Of my regrets and my sins
Turn me into fire
Let my whole body repent
Turn me into sand
And enslave me forever
In the end, let you
Be the one that's left of me
Let you be the one to be

Let the winds blow on my face
And move me to tears
Let the heartaches of tomorrow
Shatter me to nothing

I shall be the rock on the shore
Shaped by the currents
Glistening black and white
With foam and minerals

I shall be the the mathematical point
Almost non-existent
But is the tower of all creation

I shall be the city of Love
Trembling in faith
And peopled by lovers

Let yesterday's ghosts
Celebrate my failures
Let me be satisfied
To simply be

For existence's sake.

Wind in my face
                                   The Amihan
Squeeze of my buttocks to my soft chair
                           An airline chair
              A dog flowing through the meadow
    Was that my garden rooster
                                  Or is it another's?
      I wiggle my toes
           Outbreath; Air blowing
                                          Out my mouth
        Did Rizal meditate?
                          Fried chicken in my nose
         My nose is in that restaurant in Pampanga
              Did Jesus meditate?
        What is the purpose of a flower?
                                Is the scar on my leg my death?
Telescoping ache from my spine
                     Ticklish pressure in my bladder
                                   More wind; The Habagat
          In Tagaytay with friends. The white fog
              Am I being mindful now?
              Watch your breath!
                                My forearm is empty
                                          It doesn't exist
                                          It doesn't exist

I don't want the world illuminated
Give me scars, games of hide and seek
And badly lit roads. Show me distance
Unworldliness, the color of the paranormal.
I want the world as a dream
Hidden in an owl's nest

Let me write a poem for you
Yes, for you only
Let nobody else read it
Hide it from the world
I shall write it on the wall
In blue chalk and let the rain
Wash it away
I shall write it with invisible ink
To be seen only
With ultraviolet light
I want to tell you something
Something that will save you
Here and in the afterlife
I want to ruin your garden
Let your trees grow recklessly
And your flowers grow wild
I want to break you
Turn you into a useless machine
And finally rebuild you
I want to purify your heart
Change the outlines of your soul
And please God
I want to give you a nightmare
Something that will almost **** you
As you try to break free
I want to give you a simple gift
A little thing to cherish
To play with through the night
I don't want recognition
This is more important than that
I want you to learn to be human
So please read my poem
And keep it to yourself
This is for you and for you only
Not for anyone else.