Leila

Leila Nov 2013

Doors

God, I don't think im ready
my confidence is drowning like a Louisiana levee
I don't feel prepared
and all that comes won't be shared

I don't posses what I feel is mine
I feel like i've forgotten how to rhyme
I'm hungry like im poor
and I keep meeting up with closed doors

But when I go where I go, sometimes I get lost
I get led on and I get forgot
So I approach life anxiously
because I know more pain waits for me

Leila Nov 2013

One Fine Day

I don’t live like I used to
I don’t know me like I once knew
The things I hear I cannot comprehend
What was real to me, to you was pretend
I now live my life in retrospect
Deep in my mind I still feel the neglect
It has now manifested into loneliness
And I fear in my heart only this
Happiness in life is no guarantee
I am not who I used to be
One day I’ll try to look back and smile
But I’m certain that day won’t come round for awhile

a rewrite

Leila Nov 2013

The Pinnacle -- haiku x3

My soul's made of stone
From triumph to tragedy
A mountain has grown

This stature my own
Forever building higher
Til peaks fashion thrones

The angels have flown
To wherever, without doubt
Mountains stand alone

Leila Oct 2013

Just Wondering

My pretty little window pane looks so perfect.
Anytime I look out it, it’s worth it.
I wonder at night what it is you contemplate.
Does the sun shine through your window while you wake?

Leila Oct 2013

No One Lives Forever

How can she be gone when I still feel her embrace
The warmth of her touch, I see the looks on her face
These comforts time will soon take
And leave the thoughts that keep me awake
Cause I can never forget how I failed so completely
And the ways she suffered so deeply
I could have gone to see her but I missed my last chance
I should have been there, I knew well in advance
She was there for me, anytime i needed her
She was delighted even when I barely greeted her
I feel a strange sadness tearing apart my core
These feelings i've never know before
Something inside me has yet to ensue
I feel like I can still call her and get thru
Like she'll be there waiting on my cue
But I can't, she won't be there for me whenever
Grandma's gone forever

Leila Oct 2013

A Drunk

It's not you I want.
It's nothing anybody could understand.
I'm just searching for my man.
Searching and waiting, hopelessly dating.
I don't know if he's anywhere to be found.
Bamboozlers and impostors abound.
Anxious and tired, all my bullets now fired.
I give up, from now on i'll be in my cup.

Leila Oct 2013

Questions

How should I know what to do?
I spent my whole life plotting the next move.
How should I know what the truth is?
I was taught to think of myself as useless.
How can I happy?
My brain always finds ways to trap me.
How can I free myself from my fetters?
My daddy was no man of letters.
Day after day I have to try harder,
To learn a little more and climb a little further.
How can I ever know success?
I’ll work hard and do my best.