Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

     Comparing Our Secret Service with Barney Fife is Inappropriate

                            Because we love and respect Deputy Fife

In art, incompetence can have a certain charm
But in stupid men with guns the charm is lacking
Our agents can’t even keep themselves from harm
Their greatest skills are in shacking and slacking

Colombian girlies and slanting roofs
Unman the best of them; they lose their guns
They lose laptops, but never their 90-proof
And break into private property for poopy runs

To them a President entrusts his life –
He’d surely be safer with Deputy Fife

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

Comparing our Secret Service with Barney Fife is Inappropriate

                              Because we love and respect Deputy Fife

In art, incompetence can have a certain charm
But in stupid men with guns the charm is lacking
Our agents can’t even keep themselves from harm
Their greatest skills are in shacking and slacking

Colombian girlies and slanting roofs
Unman the best of them; they lose their guns
They lose laptops, but never their 90-proof
And break into private property for poopy runs

To them a President entrusts his life –
He’d surely be safer with Deputy Barney Fife

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]
14 August 2024

    Comparing our Secret Service with Barney Fife is Inappropriate

                          Because we love and respect Deputy Fife

In art, incompetence can have a certain charm
But in stupid men with guns the charm is lacking
Our agents can’t even keep themselves from harm
Their greatest skills are in shacking and slacking

Colombian girlies and slanting roofs
Unman the best of them; they lose their guns
They lose laptops, but never their 90-proof
And break into private property for poopy runs

To them a President entrusts his life –
He’d surely be safer with Deputy Barney Fife

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                               The Boy in White

He paused in the sun, unsure where to go
His uniform was new and neatly pressed
He carried a new blue mattress and two plastic bags
Containing his prison issue for the next three years

No guards were near so I talked with him
I didn’t ask him; he wanted to be heard
He told me his story; it might be true
And then
Authority told me to move on. I wished him well

He was paused in life, unsure what to do
A frightened teenager in new prison whites

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                          Why are the Candidates Yelling at Us?

The candidates bluster and scream on TV
But I will never vote for anyone, you see,
Whose concept of leadership is yelling at me

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                         Night of the Murdered Jewish Poets

                                               12 August 1952

When a tyrant has completed his catalogue of hate
Sent thousands to the noose and millions to the pyre
He ponders fresh murders as he sits up late
Whom else can he summon to his satanic fire?

There is agony in his soul – someone must pay
Those scribblers of verse – now there is treason
Another list, a list, without delay!
Poets to the Lubyanka – I need no reason!

I listen, I hear my night-whispering muse:
“Death is upon you, death, but first, but first…
  
                                                                                   the Jews.”

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]
13 August 2024

                                             Four Fresh Limes

When my neighbor left four fresh limes at my door
The universe did not hold its breath

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]
11 August 2024

                          Night of the Murdered Jewish Poets

                                          12 August 1952

When a tyrant has completed his catalogue of hate
Sent thousands to the noose and millions to the pyre
He ponders fresh murders as he sits up late
Whom else can he summon to his satanic fire?

There is agony in his soul – someone must pay
Those scribblers of verse – now there is treason
Another list, a list, without delay!
Poets to the Lubyanka – I need no reason!

I listen, I hear my night-whispering muse:
“Death is upon you, death, but first, but first…
  
                                                                ­                                  the Jews.”

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]
10 August 2024

                    Why Are the Presidential Candidates Yelling at Us?

The candidates bluster and scream on TV
But I will never vote for anyone, you see,
Whose concept of leadership is yelling at me

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                              The Boy in White

He paused in the sun, unsure where to go
His uniform was new and neatly pressed
He carried a new blue mattress and two plastic bags
Containing his prison issue for the next three years

No guards were near so I talked with him
I didn’t ask him; he wanted to be heard
He told me his story; it might be true
And then
Authority told me to move on. I wished him well

He was paused in life, unsure what to do
A frightened teenager in new prison whites

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                            The British Army Pocket Knife

A great big chunk of folded Sheffield steel
For pocket, backpack, toolbox, or workbench
Rope work, leather work, awning work, rifle repair
Gutting a rabbit for dinner if it comes to that

No plastic-y Swiss gimcrackery for us
One tightens the blade by taking a hammer to the rivets
And sharpens it hastily on a handy rock
Wash off the mud and the blood and it’s good to go

It’s clanky, clunky, and out of date – it’s British
As British as can be - and so are we




I’m not British, but I needed a voice. My Hall ancestors were transported from Northern England to the New World for being bad, and the same for my deBeauville / Beauville / Beville / Bevil ancestors from Chesterton and my McQueen ancestors from Scotland.

I love my nifty British Army knife.

I will never eat rabbit again. Ich.

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                      A Garden is a Department of Metaphysics

When the soul lies down in that grass,
the world is too full to talk about.

-Rumi


A garden is a Department of Metaphysics
Promethean fire and shadows in a cave of light
Leaves of trees falling upon more leaves
The leaves of books left open to the sun

The lecture lawn is furnished with old chairs
Old garden chairs rusty with wisdom and age
From duty to weather and men, the several cathedrae
Of the learned Order of Gaffer Swanthold

Athena’s owl calls from the nearby wood
Calling all men to silence and reflection

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]


                                           ­  Bar-and-Chain Oil


                                      “Here, sir, The People govern.”

                                    -attributed to Alexander Hamilton


Do our wise and more equal-than-equal equals
In all three branches (barren now) of government
Flying from luxury offices to luxury homes
In luxury aircraft they know to be their due

Pause between delicate porcelain cups
Of rare and precious Jamaica Blue Mountain
And single-malt in hand-cut Waterford crystal
And delicacies arranged on silver trays

Look down upon their lesser-than-equal equals
And suddenly remember
“I forgot to buy some bar-and-chain oil!”

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                            About That Reed Shaken with the Wind


                       What went ye out into the wilderness to see?
                                      A reed shaken with the wind?

                                      -Saint Matthew 11:8


A swaying riverside reed is a marvelous thing
In its proper service to our gracious Lord
A stalk of grass honoring its Creator
In quiet, unassuming dignity

Symbolisms are laid upon the reed
In power-point sermons and learned texts
But first of all it is but a nice little reed
Joining its labors with those of the whispering wind

Until Our Lord Himself calls upon that reed
Even as He calls upon us for some small deed

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                          Teaching Whose Bible in Public School?

                  A Rebuke to Miz Grundy and Reverend Gantry

Surely a teacher could choose his own Bible
This shouldn’t be as difficult as it seems
It couldn’t possibly be forbidden or liable
To teach the children from the Douay-Rheims

Lawrence Hall, HSG
Mhall46184@aol.

                         The Several Olympic Committees

Sewerage, filth, top-****, toxins, debris
Deadly bacteria, openly-floating poo
The pollution of the ages flowing free –

(They say the River Seine’s in bad shape too)

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                             A Small-Minded Man

Oh, yes, I am a very small-minded man
Whose horizon stops at the apple trees
Whose vision is much upon the little things:
A tiny snail upon a pepper-plant leaf

A placid rabbit nibbling at the lawn
A squirrel feasting on his daily grains and seeds
A bluebird shyly hiding among the oaks
A mockingbird mocking all the rest of us

No grand visions for me; I will not leave
Small villages of dead bodies and wicked smoke
The rotting bodies of children and animals
Cratered cities of bomb-blackened ruins and stench

I promote no world-changing master plan -
Deo Gratias, I am a very small-minded man

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                      Playin­g the ****** Card

We say we should never play that card
But we see that it has been played
It lies upon the table before us -
Whose furtive, febrile hand placed it there?

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

         A Mildly Amusing Repudiation of the Concept of Entropy


                         For poetry too is a little incarnation.

                     -C. S. Lewis, Reflections on the Psalms


All that ever was, that is, that ever will be -
All is from God, and will return to God
As elegant iambic pentameter

(Okay, maybe tetrameter)

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                     The Olympics as Imagined by John Milton


                        On the anniversary of the martyrdom of

                                        Father Jacques Hamel


The Olympics this year seem demon-haunted -
Christians, Jews, and amateurs not wanted

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                      On Being a Still Life Today

No outside duties have called me away today
And so I have become a still life entitled “Ennui”
Or perhaps “Weltschmerz with a Pet Dog”
Two dogs, actually, and they have napped the hours

The rain has fallen day after day after day
A parallel to the Ancient Mariner’s sun
Tree frogs cling to the algae-green window panes
As if they too have lost interest in life

Even so

With my little world all rainy and grey
I am happy to be a still life today

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                            Ill Manners in Paris

                          Opening Ceremony at the Paris Olympics

All are welcome at the Table of the Lord
But first
It’s always good manners to wash your face and hands

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                Let’s go for Coffee -- Grab Your Flak Jacket

Some give their sons semi-automatics and hate
Instead of family and purpose and love
Instead of guided study and structured faith
Instead of fishing poles and summer afternoons

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                              In Memoriam – Ayden Rose



                 Eternal rest, O Lord, grant unto your daughter

                                           Ayden Rose

                  and make perpetual Light to shine upon her



Ayden was a neat, funny kid in my 9:00 o’clock class
Hard-working and smart, and more than a little bit saucy
As eighteen-year-olds are supposed to be
She grew up to be a triple-threat teacher and coach

And on Monday night some hero shot her in the back


When stupid people ask me about Viet-Nam

                        (“I guess you seen some action, huh?”

I tell them that for our children here in America

It’s much worse

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                   Prisoners Working in the Early Morning Rain

We have all worked in the rain – building fences
Getting up the cows for milking twice a day
Sloshing through the muck to make deliveries
And usually with some choice in the matter

Prisoners have choices too – cells or a work detail
In designer costumes with horizontal stripes
Not much of a choice, but the work is needful and good
Picking up the litter of freedom and patching the road

Through the wipers I wave. They wave back. Rain -
We have all passed by our fellow man in the rain

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

      Your New (Famous Name Brand) Credit Card Has Arrived!

UserName already taken card
number invalid access code too short
access code already taken last four
digits of your social download the app
link pay save 3 easy ways to activate
scan the QR code with your phone’s camera
error visit MyFamousNameBrand.com/Activate
register your account for consumer center
error error error invalid please say yes or no
I didn’t quite get that call 1-***-***-XXXX
this call is being monitored for your protection
we didn’t tell anyone that enable
paperless statements set up alerts error
your number is invalid your number is invalid
your number is invalid all our representatives
are busy right now but I could refer you to
our site your number is invalid select
your savings every day earn save save
even more that number cannot be accessed
see your rewards program terms for details
please try again

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

               Encounter with an Aging Hippie Benedictine Tertiary
                                    at the Church Door

The old man’s tee said QUESTION AUTHORITY
In the narthex, where we lay our scene
(Shakespeare lay his scene in Verona, but this was not Verona)
I joshed about deferring to seniority
For he was a tertiary Benedictine

He raised his quavery voice as best as he was able
To squeak that all teachings can and should lay
Upon some sort of philosophical table
And then he rattled his walker and clattered away

I do not know what any of this might mean –  
But I think I was dismissed as a Philistine

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                  My Great Replacement Theory

                       (or maybe just a lesser replacement theory)

Teenagers opened the doors for me at Mass
Which used to be my job, but they stepped up
And in stepping up they are replacing me
Which is good - I miss my youth but delight in theirs

A boy and a girl giggled and whispered
In a language I don’t know except that
Having once been young, I know it well -
A perfect translation was in their eyes

All languages come from Old Solar, Lewis says
And to Old Solar will someday return
We must all be replaced someday
For in Creation’s Great Dance that is a step

Teenagers opened the doors for me at Mass
And God will open another door afterward



Cf. C. S. Lewis, *The Space Trilogy

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                            Orgiastic Screaming from Below

           Those who called for Nonsense will find that it comes

                         -C. S. Lewis, That Hideous Strength

We have seen Milton’s Pandaemonium
Choreographed on a wide palantir
Fallen angels praising the Great Fallen One
In a High Council of electrified lies

Great thunderings of fire and rolling smoke
Issuing from a shiny plastic throne of power
The Great Fallen One framed in Elvis lights
On the floor the lesser ones screaming in ecstasy

The Great Fallen One has a plan for us
After all the balloons, too, have fallen

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                 The Mysterious World of Azalea

If I were a child, this would be a happy place
A hidden leaf-mould world, all darkly green
Summery green beneath the shaded sun
Between the roots, beneath the leaves, alone

If I were a child, this would be a happy place
A brand-new comic book, some army men
A Roy Rogers cap pistol without any caps
A plastic Tarzan swinging from branch to branch

If I were a child…but alas, I’m not -
I’m pruning back limbs and checking for rot

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                          Who Gives a Fig?

Some people say that they don’t a give a fig
Which we would never hear from a happy fig tree -
The one at the bottom of the garden gives its fruit
As a blessing to every passing animal

Squirrels and rabbits, sparrows and mockingbirds
Share in this sugary summer delight
I speed by on my riding lawnmower
And take a fig myself, only to give it away

Some people say that they don’t a give a fig
But I think we need more figs in our lives

(As Amanda Holmes did not exactly say)

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

         Convention: Day 4 – A Workshop in Obedience Training

[This doggerel is recyclable and may be employed in both the Republican and Democrat conventions.]

The cult formed obediently for his look-at-me show
Where every response was a fist and a cheer
He didn’t tell his sycophants what they needed to know
But only what he wanted them to hear

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                 For Bob Newhart of Happy, Happy Memory


         “He will not refuse one who is so blithe to go to Him.”

           -Saint Thomas More in A Man for All Seasons


With just a telephone, a clipboard, and a stutter
He was a happy band of some of our best friends:
May we with him
At last approach that Inn where all are welcome

The joy he gave us proceeds before him
The angelic choirs soften their hum and throb
Because
That loving Voice we all most long to hear
Will gently say,

                                                     “Hi, Bob.”

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

          Convention: Day 3 – Any Kind Words for the Constitution?

[This doggerel is recyclable and may be employed in both the Republican and Democrat conventions.]


We both were raised in destitution
We both went off to war
We swore the same oath to the Constitution –
The Constitution - are you with us so far?

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

         Convention: Day 2 - Grima Wormtongue Gives a Speech

          [This doggerel is recyclable and may be employed in both the
          Republican and Democrat conventions.]

I’m strong against that wicked man, strong and brave!
(But for a cabinet seat I’ll be his slave)

This doggerel is recyclable for Republican, Democrat, and all other conventions.

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                               When Reptiles Embrace

They closely embrace, as brother to brother
But which will be first to betray the other?

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                             How Many Moons Can You See?

               It was a full moon and, shining on all the snow,
               it made everything almost as bright as day.

          -C. S. Lewis, The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe

When the subject of vision came up
(as it must with an ophthalmologist)
I told Dr. Talbot that I saw two moons
When only one of them would be sufficient

But which one?

After a gentle touch of surgery
I now see only one moon, which is nice
But I rather miss that other moon
And wonder if in her exile she misses me too

Where is she?

On whatever planet you happen to live
I don’t think you can have too many moons

(This scribble is recyclable for Republican, Democrat, and all other conventions)

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                     A Cautionary Reading from John Milton
       For All Who Consider Attending Any Political Convention

So having said, a while he stood expecting
Thir universal shout and high applause
To fill his ear, when contrary he hears
On all sides, from innumerable tongues
A dismal universal hiss, the sound
Of public scorn…

                                  …he would have spoke,
But hiss for hiss return’d with forked tongue
To forked tongue, for now were all transform’d
Alike, to Serpents all as accessories
To his bold Riot: dreadful was the din
Of hissing through the Hall, thick swarming now
With complicated monsters…

                   -John Milton, Paradise Lost X.504ff

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

           Fire Ants Devouring the Corpses of Unhatched Wasps


                      Nature does not, in the long run, favour life.

                  -C. S. Lewis, “On Living in an Atomic Age,” 1948


A formation of formicidae trekked north-northwest
Across a vast and lonely sunbeaten expanse
Their imperial quest a fallen wasps’ nest
Between a lawn chair and a potted plant

The ants greedily ripped open the paper shells
Like Christmas crackers for the goodies inside
The ghastly drippings of pupae in their jaws
Fragments of dead wasplings for their demanding queen

A formation of formicidae trekked east-southeast -
What, then, is the number of an unnumbered beast?

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                             We Were Dressers of Sycamores


                                         Amos 7: 12-15
                                         Saint Mark 6: 7-13

           From the readings for the 15th week in Ordinary Time


All of us are sent, one place or another
On curious missions little understood
No detailed instructions, no notes, no maps
Take this road and go on until it ends

And greet the folks you meet along the way
Some of them will need your help, your love
Some of them will give you help, their love
And one of them might ****** you

All of us are sent, one place or another
We can’t get out of it; we're needed, brother

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                         Those Who Stereotype “These Professors”

                                                   Exodus 20:16

These professors

Dr. Moriarty was a PFC on certain Pacific islands
Who could bayonet an enemy
Clear a jammed machine gun under fire
See his pals blown to pieces next to him
And work out subtle textual analyses

These professors

Dr. Chambers was a retired colonel of Marines
A natty little man in blazer and bowtie
Who could bayonet an enemy
See his pals blown to pieces next to him
Deconstruct the minutiae of energy distribution
And toss a foul-mouthed football player out on his sorry ***

These professors

Dr. Dale was a butcher until his thirties
When he entered college for the first time
He knew your hamburger from the outside in
The economics of building a business
He probably could have bench-pressed a Ford Fiesta
And when he spoke of Wordsworth, Keats, and Coleridge
You could feel the air of The Lake Country

These professors

“These professors” were complete men
Strong in war and word and wisdom and work
Unlike envious Unferths who learn life only second-hand
                    From Fox News and John Wayne movies
                    And closed loops of echoing InterGossip sites

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                  On the Events of 13 July 2024

                                                  …that we but teach
****** instructions, which, being taught, return
To plague th’ inventor. This even-handed justice
Commends th’ ingredience of our poisoned chalice
To our own lips.

                                    -Macbeth I.vii.8-12

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

Macbeth, Doctor Zhivago, Captain Call, Yevgeny Yevtushenko, Allen Ginsberg, and Rod McKuen Visit the Dentist but Have to Wait for Beowulf's Root Canal

         In gratitude for all the wonderful dentists, hygienists, and
                       technicians who keep us chewing!


                                  Macbeth Visits the Dentist

Is this a drill which I see before me
The whirring drill outstretched to my teeth
O happiest gas! Come let me clutch thee!
Before my body I throw my dental shield


                            Dr. Zhivago Visits the Dentist

Poor dental hygiene is for crowds of mediocrities
Only individuals seek dentistry
And they shun those who tolerate bad teeth
How many things in the world deserve our loyalty?

A dentist whose papers are in order


                            Captain Call Visits the Dentist

Call saw that the dentist was looking at him
The nitrous oxide drained out of him
Leaving him feeling tired
“I hate a bad tooth. I won’t tolerate it.”


                 Yevgeny Yevtushenko Visits the Dentist

For a tooth to come out
Some of the pain must be devoted to Stalin
Soviet dentistry demanded happy endings
I knew I could floss and brush better than Mayakovsky
Bella’s teeth were second only to those of Akhmatova
Only I could make Babi Yar all about me and my teeth
When I saw a dentist in Zima Junction
I saw the truth of the Revolution in her little mirror


                     Allen Ginsberg Visits the Dentist

I saw the best teeth of my generation destroyed by sugared sodas and a failure to brush and floss

dragging themselves through the medical complex at dawn looking for a fix

thinning-hair old hipsters burning for relief from aching jaws at the healing hands of dedicated professionals among their shining instruments

dedicated professionals who did not drop out of the University of Arkansas and never saw Mohammedan angels among the rooftops


                                   Rod McKuen Visits the Dentist

I am like a molar; I have chewed alone
Gnawed a hundred hamburgers
Never found a bone
Still and all I’m toothy
Reason is you see
Once in a while along the way
Dentists have been good to me.

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                Beowulf Visits the Dentist

Arise from the nitrous oxide

From the somnolence, dreams, and pain

With forge-hammered teeth

And then go out

Go out and bite something

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                         ­   Ford vs Chevy

In an era where everyone was either Ford or Chevy
I was an MG roadster
Unreliable
But lots of fun

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                        “Is That MePhone Surgically Attached to you?”


“Is that thing surgically attached to you?” the teacher sighed.

“You can’t talk to me like that!” the MePhone replied.

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                    How is Your Adventure So Far?

                                  Tell me, what is it you plan to do
                                  with your one wild and precious life?

                                 -Mary Oliver, “The Summer Day”

Even if you are looking up at an I.V. drip
Instead of green leaves and a summer sky
Your adventure is not nearly at an end
Not even in this life – and the next life, wow!

Your childhood joys have never slipped away
That cheesy 45 rpm that graced your first dance
Has not come to the end of its groovy grooves
You’ve still got the happiness, the moves

Your first job, boot camp, university
Riding a big red bus ‘round Piccadilly Circus
Drinking from your canteen on a mountain top
Your first kiss, that evening in Rome – there’s more to come!

Your first car is still parked in the driveway
Waiting to take you where you always meant to go

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                        Their Ephemeral Temples Look Much the Same

Their ephemeral temples look much the same
In a semi-circle the faithful sit or stand
And turn their eager faces to an altar flood-lit
To be magicked by their leaders and gods

They wave their arms in ecstasy and awe
While lantern-slides of flags and martyred heroes
Ripple as electronic waves beamed into their eyes
Commanding free obedience through spontaneous scripts

At dawn

Contractors will tear away the plywood and paint
Take down the plastic statues and columns
The recordings of programmed emotions
And heave them into the beds of rented trucks

Preaching or politics, or some other game:
Their ephemeral temples look much the same

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                                        Two Chairs Overthrown

Overnight the wind tossed two lawn chairs about
The revolution abandoned them bottoms up
Unoccupied and whoopsy-daisy down
Leaving them unable to grace the dawn

Sheet-metal thrones, unoccupied, alone
Ozymandian relics among the grass
Where once (yesterday dusk) two wise men sat
And ruled the lawn with their single-malt thoughts

Oh, who will raise these royal seats and speak
With authority and knowledge to all who seek?

Lawrence Hall, HSG
[email protected]

                  Hurricane II: Outer Bands and Second Thoughts

Clouds give way to sun
Winds to stillness, birds circle
In healing symmetry