Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

               She Had *** with Her Brother Says The Daily Wail

She had *** with her brother says The Daily Wail
And was eaten in prison, there without bail
By vampires who live in deep tunnels beneath
A park bench situated in Hampstead Heath

Amelia Earhart’s plane has been found again
She was married to ******’s identical twin
And ******, you know, was secretly straight
Cruisin’ for chicks near the Brandenburg Gate

DNA proves that a Kennedy son
Lives under an alias in Area 51
And commutes to Stonehenge on a weekly basis
Transported by Martian hydroponic stasis

But back to the man who had *** with his sister
Did he use preferred pronouns whenever he kissed her?

Lawrence Hall 5h
Piso Mojado Sounds Somewhat ******
Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                           Piso Mojado Sounds Somewhat ******

Piso mojado en Tejas y Colorado
Does not exactly trip from my English tongue
Cuidado that floor in El Dorado
For piso sounds slippily close to dung!

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                           Piso Mojado Sounds Somewhat ******

Piso mojado en Tejas y Colorado
Does not exactly trip from my English tongue
Cuidado that floor in El Dorado
For piso sounds slippily close to dung!

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office
(note - some inappropriate and immature language)

                   The U. S. Army ***** Patrol is On the March!


      https://www.404media.co/pentagon-says-it-will-continuously-
      monitor-bathrooms-to-comply-with-anti-trans-order/

        “What did you do when you were in the Army, Daddy?”

      “Son, I was proud to spy on my fellow soldiers in the latrine.”


Kamerade Hegseth has issued a decree
All soldiers must be issued a G.I. wiener
Without which they have no permission to ***
In our Army all leaner and meaner

C’mon, boys, let’s wave our little flags!
Above and beyond the call of duty
In a morally pure ***** free of ****
Hegseth will inspect each manly *****

Each morning at reveille and wakeup
(After he admires his muscles and makeup)

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

    We Ask Everyone to Respect Our Family Privacy at This Time

“Our family privacy” – they keep saying that
A friend came over and mowed my rankling lawn
Because finding a lawnmower mechanic these days
Is like searching for a unicorn in a shopping mall

Their family privacy – I’m blessed with friends
But lawnmower mechanics seem to be extinct
The temp today was 98 at noon
Nobody chants “Learn. To. Code.” anymore

Their family privacy – chicken *** pies
Are on sale at Brookshire’s for 88 cents
I’ll mail all those bills this afternoon
That’s a really nice shirt you’re wearing today

Their family privacy – a middle-aged woman
Sheds tears upon an altar of VHS tapes

In privacy

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                                  Betrayed With a Kiss-Cam


                    And the sunlight clasps the earth
                    And the moonbeams kiss the sea:
                    What is all this sweet work worth
                                If thou kiss not me?

                          -Shelly, “Love’s Philosophy”


A kiss is just a kiss, as Dooley Wilson sang
In a Casablanca that never was
A kiss to give one’s life a bit of tang
A kiss to set a lonely heart abuzz

But great unwashed mobs stacked in their masses
Close-looped in a failed sub-culture of dust
Metal in their noses and tattoos on their *sses
Will never find truth without finding trust

For love can never depend upon
The vigilante cruelty of a jumbo-tron




Tech company Astronomer launches investigation into 'kiss cam' moment at Coldplay concert - ABC News

Lawrence Hall
[email protected]
Dispatches for the Colonial Office

                                                Loose Vowels

A, E, I, O, U, and sometimes Y – why?
(Asking for a dipthong)