I write these words into your skin
Like a eulogy, like my dying breath
Like I’m hoping you’ll find comfort
Where really, there is none
Nails on a chalkboard
Bloodstains on the carpet
These unpleasant reminders
That tell me you’re not okay

The words roll off my tongue
Jagged and bitter
Sticking in the back of my throat
Like they don’t want to be said
But I know I need to say them
So I spit them at you
Like I’m breathing fire
And wish this didn’t have to burn

I sleep
I dream
I forget
Those moments of clarity
Of realization
And epiphany
Those moments where
For a second
I knew
I was whole and sane
Except I’m not
I’ve got demons
In my head
And the devil
I don’t believe in
Has been
Keeping me awake again

Swallow the things that break you apart
You know you’ve done something terrible
Like swallowing pills or drinking alone
But you can’t quite figure out
What exactly you’ve done to deserve this
And the pit of your stomach is hollow
Like the poison doesn’t fill you up
The way you thought it would
Like it’s eating away at you instead
Like everyone warned you it would
But it makes you feel warm,
And distant, and numb
Something rattles in your chest
And you think for a moment
There is some sort of bird
Caged in the space
Between your heart and lungs
That maybe you’ve poisoned it,
Maybe its wings are pinned to your ribs
Or that maybe it will never sing again
And the worst part of it is
You’re probably right.

Let’s pretend these sheets are a shroud
And that I’ve died or run away
Or done something equally as irreversible
Let’s pretend your heartbeat
Is rabbit fast and unsteady
Don’t beat yourself up
I forgive you
Don’t worry about me
These are the things I’ll tell you
From somewhere you can’t hear
And they won’t give you comfort
You won’t have solace or peace
Because I can’t make you hear them
So you won’t understand
That none of this was ever your fault
That I slipped away on my own
And didn’t burn the bridges
That I thought I would
That I could come back
At any time
You’d never believe me anyway
And my heart crushes inside my chest
Drops to the centre of my stomach
Like I’ve swallowed it
and I can feel it beat
Like a baseball bat to my insides
Breaking apart my body like glass
I’d really like an answer
For why exactly I’m still standing.

I struck the match
Watched it burn to my fingers
And let it keep going
I tried to light a fire
In my veins
In my heart
All I did was blister
And I can’t
Shake off these scars

I wrote a message
On each wall of my heart
But all it does is bleed
And I cannot take it out
And show it to you
My hands are red with trying
Digging around beneath my skin
For something I could give you
Some part of me
That you would want to keep
Now all I have are scars
And a heart that doesn’t
Beat the way it should.

There is a spot
Just above my heart
Where I think
A knife would fit
              And I think
              If I aimed it right
              I could
              Sever the harness
                               That holds it up.

Maybe we should be kinder
Because everyone
Is scared of something

Maybe we should dream
Drink and laugh
Like we mean it this time

Maybe it’s time
we pulled the bodies
From our closets

Maybe it’s time we accept
That we can bury our past
And not mourn our future

Maybe we should live
Like dying doesn’t matter
Like we aren’t afraid

Of the Dark.