I want to be loved
right through to my
      dark edges
where indigo smoke,
as mystical as night,
curls up to envelope you
I want that haziness    
     to penetrate
the fire in your eyes
as they mist over
two deep pools of wild
liquid-colored lava
I want to kiss you deep
right down to the embers
take them upon my tongue
      even if they burn
Let them smolder
Let the frayed vibrations
of our union
drip into magic
Let a new consciousness melt
into the realms of our minds
in an electric-toned hue of spirals
Let the love that has been
sealed inside
           go ultraviolet
          with every single breath
and all the poison of past battles
burn away
to reveal the buds of spring
as they burst through
layers of ice,
of ash
of obsidian
for even the most tender
of shoots can unfurl
in a magic that
defies the logic of suffering
and conjures
the language of miracles

Lost in the fictions I didn't write myself;
Stuck in the stories up on the shelf.
Exploring the spaces between the lines,
The images swirling inside my mind.
And it's an addiction, the emotions compelled:
I'm wrapped up, consumed by their endless spell.
Please never rescue me from my delusions,
And may these tales never reach their conclusions.
If the fantasy realms and other dimensions
Cease to be, I would disappear with them.
For I am a composite of fandom and myth,
Without which, I'm sure, I couldn't exist.
So leave me to drown here in legends and fables,
The sagas and series-- all lands with no equals.
The characters conjured: imaginative haunts--
But the feelings they give are the best that I've got.
Don't save this damsel for I'm not distressed;
Just leave me to wander through some fictional quest.
If I cannot fit in the world that's created
Then leave me to die here between the pages.

Can't stand to think
So take a seat
Hanging on to...I don't know

Losing the battle, between okay and not
Mourning the loss of clarity
Memories are fading... or are they
disintegrating

Screaming for help even though
you don't want to be saved
at least not by someone else


*give it time and youll be fine they said

In the darkness of day
And the light of night
I'll talk to the stars
And listen to the whispers of the wind

As my vision blurs
And time becomes distorted
I'll dance under the eyes of the moon
And sing to the clouds
I'll chase the sun as it sets on the horizon
And as I run I'll get lost in the rush of colors all around

In the depths of white
And the shallows of black
Where the asphalt meets the sidewalk
meets the grass
I'll lay
And stare up at the trees
who'll stare back down at me
We'll have a staring contest
Untill finally I fall asleep

Have you ever felt this way?
So empty.
So lost.
Like a raft in the ocean.
So fragile.
So alone.
Like being alone in a crowded room.
So much chaos,
Yet so quiet.
Like a falling leaf;
Now, free
Yet, dying.
Like a flower planted in a soil;
Dancing
Yet, holding back.
Like me,
Existing
but
not
*Living.