i.
i feel you in my bones sometimes,
on those nights when the silence screams almost as loud as your lingering words,
when the portrait of you is stitched onto my aching eyelids,
thrown together in a mass of lazy brushstrokes from a dark palette.

ii.
i light cigarettes,
but i don't smoke them.
i just watch them burn out.
fade.
crumble.
like we did, endless eons ago.

iii.
it's clear to me now that,
like the land and the sky,
you and i were simply never meant to meet,
never destined to touch.

iv.
sometimes,
i can bring myself not to feel so hollow,
if i think of the better days,
when your smile wasn't a façade
and your love for me was a looming oak
in this great big forest of daft, dying weeds.

v.
but it's not worth much, anyway,
because the truth
is that your smile shines
just about as bright as the stars in the big city,
and your love for me
snaps
like a silly little twig.

vi.
in all honesty,
we never were,
we just tried to be.

vii.
you know,
i walk endless roads trying to forget you.

viii.**
it doesn't work.

(a.m.)

before you left
there was a small chance
so painfully small
that you would choose me
and that we
could be
happy
together

Why are you doing this to me?
What did I do to you?
I gave you what I had,
And with it.
What did you do?

You came to my door,
You rang my bell,
And then you left,
I'm going through Hell.

You doorbell ditched me.
There.
Alone.
Now there's no one there, at home.

A wonderful day spent with friends I love
Two old, one new
You guys are great
Even if one of you is shy
The other is a little all over the place
And the third…
Oh the third how I love her
And the entire time I had to focus
On anything other than the fact
That all I wanted to do was hold her,
To kiss her, to lay my head upon hers
And be stricken with bliss and love
And all those other feelings
But nonetheless I loved tonight
I loved helping you paint
I loved speaking in inside jokes
A tongue only we will ever really understand
I loved your family
Even when the younger ones were getting on your nerves
I loved meeting Roxxi,
She was a riot
And all those wonderful things we all did
Eating French silk Doritos
Drinking every last drop of lemonade
Pointing out my abnormally large pupils
I never did say, large pupils are a sign of attraction
People have looked at large pupils as a sign of attraction since Egypt,
I guess you’re my Cleopatra
And when you held my hand I couldn’t help
But feel butterflies in my stomach
I wanted to hold it forever and never let go
I wanted to grasp it as if it were all that mattered
And I did...