i would give all i own,
everything i will own,

to feel pain again,

because i don't feel anything.

I understand pain is horrible
but how can it be more terrible

than this infinite silence that lives inside of me?

i died a long time ago,
but i'm still here.

my body is here,
but without a soul.

I am not mentally ill
But I wonder
If I was
How envious I would be
Of all those
Who know
The bliss
Of boredom

i've  
       been
               feeling          
                           so
                                     u
                                         n
                                             i
                                               n
                                                  s
                                                    p
                                                       i
                                                          r
                                                            e
                                                              d

there are so many of you
that i would love to sit down with;
maybe over a milkshake and a plate of fries;
and just talk.
i want to ask you about the boy that hurt you,
about the anger you feel deep inside
over a father who said he’d come back...
and then didn’t.
i want to run with you through pages of words and say
“oh that’s right, what a lovely metaphor.”
i want to see all your smiling faces and
thank each and every one of you for showing me kindness,
for saving my life.
i want to collaborate on novels of poetry
and laugh with you through the tears of our pasts.
so until we sip those milkshakes and eat those fries...
thank you, to
some of the most beautiful people i have never met.