My qualyxians, my less than quiet mind
       waking, walking, wondering
            Will I ever finally find?

The joys those boys have given me
          snowfall and sweet sunshine

Dear God, prayers full of protection
                   women curious and kind.

I am a contagious smile
I am always happy
I am a tender heart
I am a caring soul
I am oh so confident
I am always in control
I am…
More than you see…
I am scared
I am alone
I am doubting
I am unsure
I am waiting…
For you to reach in,
Hold my hand…
Touch my face…
Tell me it's going to be okay
Let me know I'm not alone…
That you care,
That I'm wanted…
I belong…
I have so many questions,
So many fears…
But you don't see that,
You don't see me…
Because,
I am a contagious smile

IK it must be hard (to call me)
because i'm not on-line (most times)
(and you can never visit me there)
just wondering if we are ok
but why didn't you call me by landline?

I made this my problem.
so that's why my plans have gone unnoticed
to arrive on your doorstop (to leave a note)
to tell you- you should've called
instead I'm standing asking, #Why-am-I-not-being-liked?#

FYI sideline
often by hashtag - which is a string of confetti
tied to this note on the door-
that signifies it being outside the letter.

moving on no.  I'm not destitutionalized.
but it's been a nice choice free healing to me
and freely to you.

I'm cellular-phone-plan free 1 1/2 years.
and it's been great not to have it,
but as convenience would have it
this letter you probably will not read until
months later
when you finally make it back to the cabin.

Ps
Broken window wasn't me.
I think you have bear problems here.

You bring me garlands everyday,
Strung with the most delicate flowers
From your ****** garden!
Each one of them is a gem
One as beautiful as the other
Laden with your myriad emotions
Exuding your innermost thoughts
Spreading the most heavenly aromas!
I thank you, poets of the heart,
Architects of hopes and dreams,
For making me aspire for life!

My insides
Vibrate as if my
Muscles have been turned into
A 5 foot 3 ***** on extreme.
And my mind is thrown
Back and forth inside my skull.
What do I do
If I failed?
What do I do
If everything I have ever wanted
Slips between my fingers like
Liquid sand.