Apprehensive bubbles bursting
Setting up an avalanche.

Inner waves, nervous stance, awkward line
Leaning away making less of the moment.

Nostalgia inhales, shakes the smooth shell
Tap tapping at the memory box, coaxing emotion.

******* in ribbon.

A slow waltzing pulse.

A pact embeds awaiting permission.

A voice to speak it out, to tread the
Line from parted lips to hear.

The dots need joining to activate the proof
To shout it out.

The ‘a’ has begun
The ‘z’ awaits.......

Bruised, body to soul
Rocked, sheer force, intrusion
Wracked, self loathing
Spine, chilled to the bone

At me, for me, to me, in me, reminding me

Arriving without
Numbing
The push, the pull
The kick, the punch

At me, for me, to me, in me, reminding me

A sideways glance
Breaking my skin with your sharp hand
Your deep emblem still stains
Your once artistic hand now plays me into defeat
Your yell bangs and rattles my head
Dropping my memory into no mans land
Blurring to avoid the inevitable

Screeming, screeching, grasping for
Tenderness of word, of skin

You block every inch of my life
My sunlight, my every waking existence
The entrance of change is always guarded
By barbed fists and biting cruelty

At me, to me, for me, in me, reminding me

Walking past the window into her world
They did not see or know the content of her world

The curtains pulled back as normal
To show signs of life but, her world had changed

The raised flesh, fanned with indigo and bruised blue
Coated in salty tears pooling on her lips

Shame faced to the outside world, she did not deserve
The lash of skin to skin, knuckled edge

Dare not step away, leave the nest … there are children
Where circumstances stack high, with outlets small yet angles sharp

Words carved out from threatening lips spit at her
To waste her away, gathering down into a vacuum

Her world exists in faint margins, in small pleats of departure
Always to return raining down hard to secure her

Her world ……

Facing you, your reflection spins my vision
And I ask, but
Pupils dart with avoidance
Never fixing my gaze

Wanting you to link into me
To connect, look and meet my soul
No matter how intense or sublime
The pretence is mystifying, just know me

Wring out this beige appearance, then
Fetch the red carpet and roll it out
Wipe it clean
Stains shrinking into the pile of yesterday

Immerging free from the soundtrack of debris
Repeatedly spinning out your sorrow
I shoulder your pain and bear your shame
As you skulk and sink into oblivion

Eyes open, first emotion
Lose the day ahead
Stay in bed
Blotting out creation

Eyes open, first emotion
Push out of bed
Challenge all inside your head
Retain creation

Your choice
Choose it

Eyes open, first emotion
Which move do you make?
It’s yours to take
Sort it

Stop right now
Don’t lose it
Seize the turn
Prove it

With eyes wide open, first emotion

the stark oak tree stands tall and minimal
no longer bearing its leafy foliage.  

instead a lookout post for the black crows
to swagger on, circling and settling like
pirates looking out to sea.

they are motionless in their duty to stand
guard, fearless is the stance they portray.
black statues on this barren podium.

winged form alights at will and swoops
down onto cushioned green, waiting.  but wheels
on gravel disturb and concentration breaks.

flinging its feathered span it shifts leaving the
ground, heading off ……                                       and gone.

nonetheless, the stark oak waits knowingly,
for their return.

Any kind you like
Black or white
Dark or light
Individually right

Milky, frothy
Extra shot of coffee
Rich full blended
Skinny, slender
Enjoy its splendour

Chocolate coated
Caramel toasted
Full and roasted
Made to measure
For your pleasure

Espresso shocker
Latte, mocha
Cappuccino takers
Coffee makers
Based on personal tasters

Multi-million invention
Saturated intention
On every street corner
Made to order

Coffee

90 today...you would have reached
This milestone....if it had not been your time.  

Strength to push through had ran out on you
Your 'end of days'.....your personal ordeal
Had caught up and dealt a blow to your wellbeing.

Yet you clung to life for 15 days as I watched
You fade away trying my best to give you what
You needed and keep you safe with your dignity
Intact......in your final hours .

The clinical cocoon became your home, our home
In your 'end of days', where we gathered daily  
At your bedside preventing you from being alone.

Hospital corridors became familiar acquaintances
Gelling our hands to fight the germ war
Testing out the hours to see if they would be
Kind to you and grace you with favours.

We could not change what was meant to be
But we all tried, how we tried, to rally you round
Until you took the decision.....enough was enough.

Your departure broke all ties, you paused whisking
Away your final breath and you.........stopped
Cut free and sailing toward your new destination.

One where we could not follow to hold your hand
Leading the way to ensure your safe arrival.

With the finality of your life's end
You had entered and begun the after life......

It leaves me wondering how you are
If you now know the great secret to......

Your 'end of days'.

It falls on deaf ears, unrequited
A love past up, spun out
But she, wrecked by one glance
From those eyes, clings to the silent
Words emanating from his lips her
Mind creates; stumbling at the pauses
Pushing reminding of untruths
Of unseen corners

He doesn’t need you, yet keeps the
Dialogue channel open, on standby
For his needs, although moved from
Your heart he still holds the key to
Unlock and release.

He doesn’t see your mouth move or
Hear those words desperately
Trying to explain
He picks your bones clean, erasing
Your dreams; the continual round of
On hold, pause and rewind, yet she
Still allows him to hold her captive in
Invisible silken thread that binds and
Gnaws

You are alone in his game and he would
Deny such talk, it does not impact his
World nor collide and jar his heart

What heart, you might say, for recently
Discovered, is captured by another
The announcement declares it so and
You are diminished; merging into the crowd
Of well wishers entangled in their applause
Snared …………….. can’t they see your pale
Complexion grazed by barbed tears.

The room becomes hazy and blurred
It’s hot and clammy in here and you
Need air; mouth opening and closing
Like a fish, gasping to quell the
Sickness of unrequited love

Stare your
Thoughts, dare
with pen
on paper
eyed aloud

The view through the pink window
Blushes pink to satisfy
Employs soft focus the eye cares for
The pink forest aglow
Finds success, the sun shafting through
A vibrant shocking pink porthole
Shoots sharply to the forest floor
On closer inspection it is solid in form
Seemingly impenetrable
I put on my pink lenses
Pressing the pink circle that appears
It is nothing to the touch
Even so, it exists - pure pink
A fascination enclosing
I feel pink warmth

The phone sings into my life from
Its still place in the corner,
Fulfilling the role of messenger
Holding onto elation or devastation,
Chit chat or sales voice of persuasion.
A tracking device linking into our whereabouts,
Held on our person, in car or walking mode,
Connecting us with another soul.
At one time these sentences would wait,
Storing up conversation and expectancy,
Now, the turn off mode rarely used,
Its surface new alongside never ending
Chit chat from keys depressed at expert
Speed and dialogue, via shortcuts
To the english language,
Discouraging correct terminology, a dislike
To some, taught in the old school.
Shall we exercise our way back from here
I doubt we can...we never will

This never ending chit chat mode.

new slippers built up with sponge
until body weight bears down
flattening them out.  

toes pull at the lining
scraping it away from its anchor
crumpling underfoot.

cotton gradually wearing
thin under heal until bald.

they really don’t last long
but, what can you expect ….

for £3.

the cross trainer crossed me out

                                                      in favour of the

                                                               ­                   runner that I ran out on

(5/7/5/ syll count)
24th July 2012

Dropped a spanner on my toe

                Ouch...my toenail said

I need a joint to fix it

(5/7/5 syll count)
24th July 2012

Your words are there, but.....
Somehow vacant

Truly melancholy is my moment
With faces like whispers, penetrating my mind

Many conversations recalled
Spilling out, many without recourse
Whose silence demands my attention

There is no choice with some
Their words already spoken, buried and gone

Hurt me with the silence ….
When there should be a song sung

To know your choice turns and misses
The waiting becomes a reality
To throw into the mix, pulling out a grain of humility

You don’t even know, perhaps this makes it worse
You burst the bubble
Chased the blossom from the trees

She lay wet and cold
Pond **** staining her face
Skin grey as the sky
That rubs away at the truth
That pains the eye to look
Reinforcing the scowl on her life


Lies cannot steal the scene
The suddenness shows, as backs
Turn and eyes meet the ground


It will be someone’s day of disbelief
Of nails dragging at flesh
And no tomorrow of any worth


A skirt of torn fibre
A heel wrenched, displaced
Unnatural posture


Sorrow is bound to penetrate
Tugging and  
Vying for space

Cry out, await the echo
              
     Of an unknown soul

Turn around and know their heart

(5/7/5 Syll count)
20th July 2012

Stolen the shawl from the shoulders of night
Slipping away with the dawn
Folding down the duvet, the new day
Stretching glossy nailed sentinels to
Rub the sleep from lashes of tell tale
Dreams that took mundanity into
Fine wine and rich red realms

Fresh out of tactics to ring in favours
The sheets depart my limbs and
Water connects skin on skin
Fluffy spurs washed away clean
Spun out of secret doors into the unknown
Shoving me, nudging me, reminding me
I’m heading to reality

Tipping my head toward the warm air
The continuing whirring of its mechanism
Vibrates my follicles and lends me in the
Direction of humanity, the peacock
Plume doused and preened into shape
I begin the trawl of closet colour
Of mood matching, of image portrayal

Set for the external clock to tick
I trust myself that wheels upon tarmac
Will hold me to my destination
Releasing me safe and sound to the
Jaws of business, its never ending
Narcissism purchasing my daily bread

Released from the bind **** of
Incongruence, sheltering under the
Safe shell of my emerging reality
It comforts my bones, grazing me with
Honesty and genuine intuition that
Hope isn’t baron or depleted
Grandeur awaits me and I am true
To my facing stare.....reflecting

Clear the debris littering the road to nowhere
Where somewhere hides within nowhere itself
Eluding the route to somewhere ...its littered pathway
Blocks the winding lane from nowhere to somewhere
Promised in the road map filed on the book shelf
Marked somewhere on the aisle entitled nowhere
Nowhere x somewhere is a riddle undefined
And still searching for the truck to clear the debris
From the road to nowhere to find.....'Somewhere '

It was a circle, an eclectic mix
Forthright, amid downcast eyes
Courage hard to handle
To let go, a mission impossible
Others champing at the bit to bite
The air between us.

She morphed into her words as
We all fell silent, while drowning us
In her vitriolic pursuit to be heard
Met by the challenging bull that
Rampaged the space we all couldn't fill.

..........................................................­...............

Well, some might say
At least she had courage
Wore an honest face
That matched her inner expression
What you see is what you get...
Perhaps

It was your image in 'that' photo,
You.  I was blemished with shock
I knew You were ravaged,
Yet not like this.

My eyes met with 'that' photo...
I saw You.
Bones blistering your skin
Thin and parched like
The peel of an apple
Past its public life.

You, like this, was hard to take
And I looked away - 'For pity's sake'.
Have you found a bolt hole...a place to rest?
No longer fragile flesh and bone

But generous heart....sewn back together

Your ruby, such depth, deep red
      
          Too deep to fathom

                   So I drink it in and blush


(7/5/7 syll count)
17th July 2012

Don’t look at me with hostility
It’s plain to see, oh so clearly
That you don’t give a ****
Is my life a sham........?

Don’t judge me, you see
It’s for the grace you go, no hope
To where this slippery *****
Bites and gnaws and claws

I sold my soul
Anything, to drown this hole
I’d crawl; I’d beg to get my fix
Lounging in the dirt... a ditch

It started simple, in control
Insidious was its smile
Comforting, for awhile
I wasn’t looking.... it turned its back

Sold me down the alley
Absorbed on crack
How did I get here, unclear?
Hey... mind your back... ‘I’m here’

You don’t see me
You don’t hear me
You just hurt me
You just curse me

I’m black and blue
My veins.... shot, collapsed, see through
I hate you all, above all
Me, that person you don’t see

I’m wounded, unobserved
Undeterred and blinded, misguided
Give me that fix, none of ya tricks
I know your sort, behind my back.... you’ll talk

Gateway to hell is here
I wonder could heaven draw near
I’m down in the gutter
Can’t even raise myself to mutter

It owns me
And destroys me
Latched on and clung to me
Stained and debauched me

Until I couldn’t see
Or hear, or walk or talk
Just veer your course... yeah, you’re not real
Don’t buy me a soul cause I can’t heal

Too late for me now
A broken soul without pride
I can’t hide, this narrow grave it’s covering me
The light grows dim in shade, fools me

I see nowt, pure nothing; yet... winking
A light, a smile it faces me
I take its brand of urgency
Without falter I stumble, can I alter?

This turmoil of no hope
Emerging through this pit of mar
That clings and sticks like tar
Turning my face to *****

To find some hope to reach and run
Get outa this god forsaken place
I don’t know if I have strength to race
I have no speech my words are done

Yet I have begun, the light it flickers
Yet blows out with whispers of
My demise, of cries
My grasp.... denies

I ask, please help me
But you don’t see
It’s up to me
Yet the light still kindles

It takes me forth
And never dwindles
At times it may be hard to know
The path to which I must turn to go

Yet know it I will
You see, what’s left will ****
For sure I’ll climb my hill
Back to life to sanity

To those who love me
Waiting in the aisles
Never failing me with smiles
They welcome me I see it now

I hold my breath and knit my brow
Towards their open arms I stumble
Rushing forward, oh so humble
They hold onto me

It is clear oh wretched me
At last I look
I look!!
I see!!

Walk the mile it takes

          To reach your destination

Never looking back

(5/7/5 syll count)
16th July 2012

Pause, wait serenely

Your moment to emerge...now

Grasp, take it and run


(5/7/5 syll count)
15th July 2012

a guest
invited to observe
gazing through binocular view
back row seat

a guest
front row of an audience
in partnership
through silent applause

a guest
to meet
at your request
last not least

a guest
special reserve
one week to the next
your rhyme and verse

a guest
no more as before but
red carpet floor
star studded door

Ding ****, go on


ring your bell
create a song
we’ll know so well


lyrical verse, rehearse
your way to the top
don’t stop


bing ****, go on
drum the beat
blast the heat


turn the corner


wing ****, go on
strum it, hum it
burn the tune


create a song
sing along
grab onto it
make a hit

Slipping through the willow curtain
Easing among the leafy overhang
Green sheltering cloak that sways
With an invitation to be my guest

I pass through, broaden my peripheral vision
Turn my cheek and my eyes lock
Pulled toward fierce or friendly
Mottled door, camouflaged grey as a stone

I swivel to listen before leather soles
Respond and move me without guard
I feel fear, uncertain to obey my instinct
Ruining the scene for the ticket holder

The choice it seems is taken from me
Though temporal, the entrance hides...it is coy
The gatehouse of resistance clangs
Its repertoire stumbles but my vision

Knows its route....the pathway falls away
And unwillingness encircles me like a bear hug
I cannot turn or go back, the door makes way
To tumbling steps gaining their advantage

Driven pathway recedes and I stalk the
Shadowy shapes that spill out to paralyse
Locking me to the wall
Solid and comforting yet stalling

The dreaded moment of choice
Invites its gangsters to dine with me
The here and now overwhelming
Its clues forlorn and disadvantaged

Rounding the dark corner of courage
I strengthen my resolve, and
Claim the light I so desire
It throws open a vivid saffron

Vibrant colour penetrates, seeping into me
I wade through this maze of superb
Splendour and I am feathered to the ground.
Book in hand … I gaze toward the.....
                                                           Willow Curtain

Razor sharp
Always ready on the mark
Grit your teeth
Prepare to meet
Sharks and velvet puppeteers

Stiff suits clean cut collars
Spurting jargon to impress
Some other false pretentious scholars
Identically dressed

Fully focussed
Humorous jokers
Turn their backs
Once reached their purpose

Urgently directing to impress
The next unsuspecting guest
Who will help them next?
Meet those targets be the best

Never glancing back or forward
Losing sight of what’s important
They don’t care, are unaware

Your time, has dropped like sand
Amid, the hour glass
Cocooned, caressed, life’s hand,
Gathered grain, moment by moment.

Your time has left, as we stand,
Our eyes no longer glimpsing
Your sand, it shifts leaving us adrift
Drifting, needing your steadying hand
Capturing the sand

Each particle a memory, our way to
Invite and view who..... you were
And are, and yet to be; we wonder how it
Will unfurl like petals waiting to uncurl

Facing your new pathway, each petalled
Pearl dropped before your feet, leading.
Each grain renewed amid the hour glass,
Breathing

So take my hand, rake through the sand
Hold each petal within your hand

keep me
                  safe


on the landing of your
                                                      heart    
          

leave the light on to show the
                                                                           way

I’ll call you tomorrow,
Although you look different and,
I am uncertain
I put it off, why?...unknown to me.
My lonely skin covers me, it feels
Thin and ill fitting
Do you see I am different?
It is not intentional, it is unwise,
What can I do?
I’ll call you tomorrow,
Although you know i may not,
Probably will let it pass another day.
I know you miss me but, I am held back,
What is it?
I lay awake thinking
I’ll call you tomorrow,
I know it is vital.
Before too long I will be unable,
No choice, decision made for me.
Yet, somehow, it deceives me, in ways
I cannot grasp.
The phone stares and beckons,
You ask for little,
I give less, cannot commit.
I have no depth to give,
My page is empty.
I will try to look in your direction.
Compose a new song for us – fresh words.
I’ll call you tomorrow.
You are on my mind right now,
It is late,
I hope not too late.
I’ll call you,
Tomorrow......

Amidst our lives many walk alongside
Some stay awhile, some choose to remain
Fragrant is the gift of someone
Who lingers over a life time
Truth and loyalty shall dance
Capturing depth and strength
Transparency fades those who
No more will face our way
Connecting souls sustains our view
Time may lapse
Will not offend or diminish
Rather, each other renewed
Exchanging words
To care, a moment given
Flourish toward another day
This is the grace of friendship
With you in mind we have sustained
Chosen to care a hope to the last
Oh friend of mine

Purple box of tricks
Occupying the space, under the bed.
Mind, body and soul,
A death sentence.
Floor spattered,
Evidence revealing itself,
Another episode,
The night before.

It will do no good
Taking you captive.
A prisoner, forgetful,
With no aim, no answer,
No why or what for.
A purpose remains a mystery,
To you and I.

Corridors too cluttered for advancement
Except, more episodes.

Purple box, hurl yourself away.
Be buried, unopened to his fingers,
They no longer tap the code to your contents.

I name you “purple demon”, “tin of sin”.

Leave!

The stroll took place around 7.30pm
Pathway narrows off coming to its end
Tarmac river escapes to the other side - push on or go back?

Step out with trepidation, speedway of death growling
Clear head, open ear – to carry me

Uneven ground takes over the direction
Poppies swaying among tall strands of gathered grass

Almost removed from my skin
An alsatian leaps and barks – introduction or warning voice?

The undergrowth moves and cracks
Sky light continues overhead, securing me

A passer by greets me and continues on
It is strange to be acknowledged in this way

A small group of adolescents takes their turn also
I am encouraged from this monosyllabic stage of life that they would even bother

Reaching the tunnel of sounding motorway transport, it echoes
I notice homes not seen before in swift passing

Branches bathed in green, stretch out blocking
As though reaching to connect  

Pushed aside, I continue
My head freeing up

Brandishing a burnt out shell for a head
A wanting to swap for a basket of sweet smelling aroma

A sigh emanates, escaping its enclosure
Pushing past my lips, its emerging warm breath collides with the air

Treading water to climb the rung to clear blue
Clear solid blue without a cloud in sight to blot life’s copy book

I feel the healing from its vastness, its everlasting structure
Pushing into beyond, besides what else is there to look at

The land is dry from lack of rain and there is stillness abundant
Seeping into the world of nothing, raising no hope whatsoever

So take it or leave it, its status is strong and powerful and likes
The seat it sits upon delving you out of this into that

We both know this way will end in tragedy with petals of
Life strewn aside, trampling life into the ground

Yet we fumble for hope, a continuation
A searching for an awakening to the clear......

Blue of a sky

You came to me, sat facing me
Not knowing one another
Trust hovering waiting to be earned
Stem straight backed with suppleness trampled
Vulnerability would not escape
Your bud delicate, yet tightly closed

Time favoured us with consistency
Week upon week we met
Tracing the weave of your emotion
Winding through tangled threads
Tears buckled up and fastened
Your well was empty

Warmth began, seeping into us
Cushioning your jagged edges of pain
Tears pooled and slithered silently
Your lips their channel to taste
The salty trickle, identifying
The gradual thawing of your soul

It quenched your parched heart
Nourishing its wounds, opening up
To tender shoots growing, searching out
The warm back of the sun
Melting your resistance to change
Rallying you with self discovery

Fresh strands of hope poked
Into daylight asking for direction
Roots began to soak up, trusting
The food of life, reaching for air
With the breath of self acceptance
And the prize of freedom blossoming

Plunging under where the fracture invites
Swallowed whole
Encased in a transparent cocoon
Your.....exit under wraps

Clawing at the iced ceiling
Fighting for warmth and air
Your …..breath cutting off and closing down

The light seen
The doorway barred
And time is pulling at strings on
Your.…life under threat

Will there be more seconds in this minute for
Your….escape to take part, dodging
Your….near on silence.          

              …………………………………

Stark strands of hair float, veiling
Your….pale face
And you are motionless in white sheets of acceptance

She turned her back, walked away
Her longing visible, reaching him
Her heart splintered, fell to the ground
With each step, piece by piece
He would have gathered them to him, his longing visible
But the face of commitment stared into his heart....
He let her go

The needing envelops, drowning him to the ground
Shards of her heart graze his skin...sharp
She fights keeping her direction, never turning
The ground becomes closer, it breaks her movement
She reaches out to steady herself, the lamp light
Shining on her tears, staining her face; half lit

It cannot pierce her dark heart
The light only to deliver the wound
Her path of pain reaches her and ….steadied
She touches sorrow, cannot bear this ache and turns
He has already seen her, moving, reaching, entwining
They are locked in their love in this moment
To last their lifetime

Found myself centred around this river
As if it were my life, its shallows deepening
Into falling curves and rocky
Foundation, yet cluttered in part
With stagnating ****, at other times
Flowing freely and softly engaging me
Without its steaming torrents.

The waterfall thinks it can engulf me and
I consider it at times denying it identity
But sometimes it speaks loudly and refuses
To whisper....’And so you’re there’ I say, and here
Its raging response tumbling me into depths
Out of my control..... or so it thinks.

I emerge for air and breathe in deeply
To sustain me, for when I speak
It is with something resembling coherence
To blag me time from the place of harm
Where it dips sharply and crashes onto slithers
Of icy uncertainty, I begin to wipe my brow clean.

Releasing me from its fooling ways preventing the air
Being squelched from me; take it easy with me
My mind desires you to behave and let me be
Don’t fool me into calm currents only to be tossed
Amongst the white watery crash of boulders rounding
Beneath me, sharp shards covered by your caressing hands
That persuades my innocent eyes to close
To the raging force of veiled kindness

I can remember the ripples of softness that would
Cover my palm with coolness
That dappled in sunlight, reflecting my face
Asking me to admire the stillness
And I believed in the sereneness of the ebb and flow
That sheltered me in fineness with absorbent lining
Reminding me of life absent to the steep slant
Towards the shelled out wreck of my world...burnt out.