objectivity
its so clear
all lined up and logical
do this then that then that over there
of course, of course
just do it
simple as that

theoretically
its so easy
all planned out to the t
do this then that then that over here
of course, of course
just do it
of course, of course
have you done it?
of course not

despair
its happening more and more
i invited it in
not expecting it to stay
but it set its luggage down and laughed
“i never stay less than forever”
i dont have what it takes to accommodate it
ive already run out of supplies
i cant afford anything more
but its still here
it still is demanding more
and more
and more
and i have to take from myself
i dont have much left to give
it doesnt take no for an answer
gods i wish it was just me myself and i
and not me and despair and nothing at all

and I fell so hard
I broke all my dreams in half
lost my motivation in the fall
couldnt pull the string
to a parashoot I didn’t have
  
and I fell so long
I forgot the sky
chasing its reflection
into the depths
of an unmoving ocean
where I made my home
knowing water was not air
  
and still I watched the sky
warped and filtered through
waters not made for me
thinking I would never see it
as I did before I drowned
  
and I ran out of breath
I forgot I still had
                 and swam
                 and reached
and Im still reaching
even as I fall again

for how many years
did i try to speak through my eyes
for the words i wanted to scream
were forbidden and unwanted
how many times did i scream
behind steady eyes
that if you really knew
all that you claimed to know
you would hear what my eyes
are so clearly telling you
i could read your eyes
              and his eyes
              and their eyes
clear as day
yet none could read my own

i learned from a young age
that no one wants to hear
what you have to convey
so you must say it with words
or failing that never say it at all
i learned from a young age
that i must listen to everything
everyone else conveys
but to expect the same returned
was just far too much
i learned from a young age
that i simply did not know
how to be taken seriously