Now that I think of it,
There are things in my chest
I don't let out,
Things trapped behind iron bars
And locked coffers
Things I never want to show,

This is a prison
Trapped in my head games,
Games I play every day.
Praying that every day is a day-
With you.
Not one more day alone.
I wish you knew.

Every cigarette I breathe,
I breathe you.
Every burning breath that I take
Is one that I take with you next to me.

Desperate landscape,
Every road is further
Than the furthest I've been from before-
Ohio is worn, I'm done being torn.

My mind's made up.
Every possibility has been considered,
I know what I choose from here,
And I don't know if it's something you want to hear.

I still choose you.
I choose time and painful nights.
I choose the time apart,
All the hard parts.

if this is what emotions are
hot water pounding down on my skin
the taste of stale alcohol trying to create some essence
of numbness
the words of music so loud in an attempt to drown out
the ache that my heart brings with each beat
I don’t want it
I don’t want any part of it

Color Me Yellow
Bright,
bright,
yellow.

I grew up knowing
to never look at the sun,
to just trust it was there.

I was taught,
to never look forward,
if the light is yellow.
"Prepare to stop."

I don't see color anymore,
except red.
except when the pain in my eyes
almost reached a different pain on my thighs.

we're Bright
even when nobody can ever see it
nor direct or indirect
Nor behind or in front.
nor in front or above you,

hanging like the photos of
when I used to be happy.

Bright,
bright
Yellow.

Old rugged jeans
I couldn't throw away
Because in it's tiny little pockets
I am keeping, the pieces
of broken dreams
and broken us

I lost my first
wedding ring
that summer

we floated
on inner tubes
coupled together,
drinking ice-cold
beer in the sun.

A flash of gold
and it was gone.

I lost the boots
my father wore
in Vietnam.

I lost the first
pocketknife
I ever owned.

I lost my mother.

I lost my way
in college once,
watching heavy snow
smother the foothills
and switchbacks,
watching mountain
birds turn wide circles
above rough canyons.

I lost track of time but
found my father’s gun.

Winter will always
sound like the whir
of a cylinder spun in
an unfurnished room.

With sunrise came a hunger

So I,
I bit deeply into the peach,
that you’d left uncovered
on the bed

And,
drank the juice
sweet and warm
on my tongue
And down by throat

While you,
you seemed delighted
at how quickly
breakfast came

Then
suddenly famished,
took the fruit
all the way
into your mouth
that you’d not finished
the night before

But,
rather than have you
swallow whole,
and risk
choking on
too big a bite,
I pulled you close
sinking easily into
the unfinished peach,
dripping wet on the sheets,
while sharing the taste
on both our lips

Unconcerned with the mess
we devoured with abandon
while you,
without warning
****** your fingers
into my watermelon
roaring with delight

Apples,
then melons
then cherries,
tearing right
through every bunch

Then,
deciding not to waste the seeds,
we moved instead
straight on to lunch