His heart, his smile. His beautiful blue eyes, they pierce my memory. All I see lately is the what ifs and the could haves. He stole my heart & then god stole him. How could there be a god so cruel. So cruel to take away such a beautiful soul? I question it everyday. I see his face everyday. Even if he's not here, I know he is.

As it penetrates deeper into my skin I can feel a rush of memories seeping from my heart mind and soul never to be seen again apart from a small scar to prove that its gone and not inside me anymore eating away from inside out sometimes I wonder what would happen if I got rid of all the pain and memories would anyone miss me miss the pain I have put them through???...

When every bone in your body aches to be relieved through death, When it hurts to breathe, when the thoughts and ideations of self harm cut you deeper than any blade could and the thought of suicide is one of hope not fear, when the burdens you bear are so heavy you feel them weigh every inch of you down, when you wake up with regret that you made it through another night, when you feel like you're drowning in the millions of tears that have parted from your eyes, and yet you march on anyway, you throw away the pills, you put down the blade, you pick up that fork of food and you eat, you don't turn to a bottle or drugs, you dig deep within yourself for the fight you swore you had run out of months ago and you carry on with life, that is the rawest and most admirable strength there is.