sometimes i feel like screaming
when the anger boils over
when you blame me
when you blame him
because you refuse
no matter what the case is
to take responsibility
for your mistakes

when i was younger i was broken
in this brokenness i sat quietly
searching for the missing
P I E C E S
and as i seach the ground i find the piece of another
it belongs to you and as our hands meet
as we trade pieces of each other
i realize that i will only fully be collected
when i am built with our pieces
M I X E D

I could say you are not a monster
I could convince myself as well
but that's all it would be
a complete lie
but of course, you would be okay
if I really did say you are a monster
you would probably just say
"is it so bad to be a monster"
that's a complete lie
and you will always know it is

into the
N I G H T
you and i run
hands hold
E A C H O T H E R
eyes hold our
dreams as we
run for the stars
we may find ourselves
upon a pedestal
that stands quite
close to the
M O O N

she is the moon shining bright
but she is only bright thanks to him
for he must first exist for her to truly shine
he is not the sun
no he's far from that
his job is far more important than simply burning for her
he does burn for her in a different sense
for he is the darkness that surrounds her
holding her
loving her
making sure shes all the brighter in his arms

when i was younger
i watched the mountains
they surround the valley
making me feel
T R A P P E D
wrapping across the land
pulling me in with the curiosity but
K E E P I N G
me stuck in this valley
and keeping me
I S O L A T E D
from the rest of the world
that has pushed me out
and trap me in these
M O U N T A I N S

i wait on the bay
watching as he makes introductions
but hes forever skipping me
forever walking by
i have to fight my urge to meet you
walk up and shake hands with the deputy
but my hands are far to ******
from crimes against myself
knowing i shouldnt each time i commit another
but still my hands are covered
in a color so crimson
that it almost hurts but i still keep committing
and im sorry that i keep disappearing mr deputy

my body is a temple
not for you
or any of your friends
not to be objectified
or stared at
not to be passed around
or seen by anyone
that i don't chose
i am strong
and my body will always be mine

welcome to my brain
i was broke long ago
You can't fix md
Cant help me grow
I was lost long ago
And u won't save me
Because to many have tried
And just like you
They left when things got hard

sometimes i have all the inspiration in the world
i write poem
i write stories
i write the inner folds of myself
and sometimes i have absolutely none
i cant walk
i cant talk
i cant even get out of my bed
and thats just my depression i guess

guess it true i don't know how to feel with you
but when you put your arms round my waist
i know there's something
and sometimes i ground myself just by holding your hand
and wish we could go back to simpler times
when we could dance like fools with our friends
so dont leave me behind
cause our love is divine
and when you smile i forget to breath
so know your my everything

your faking it
cant you be
H A P P I E R
your only doing this for
A T T E N T I O N
you can change it when there
A R O U N D

but he doesn't see the hours spent
C R Y I N G
i am constantly trying to look
H A P P I E R
i wish no one would see me or give me
A T T E N T I O N
and he doesnt know that i am
F A K E
around them

secrets are meant to be kept
yet when i told you i was hurt
when i told you i was broken
you told the whole world
that my flaws
where slowly dragging me down
that i
was slowly deteriorating
that there
was no hope for my mind
that i would always
spiral into the fear into my broken head
and when i rose above it wall
you told the world
my flaws where faked

we are young
but in each other we found
L O V E
one that will last longer
than even the darkest
N I G H T S
or the coldest
W I N T E R S
because with you i know
i will never have to worry about
finding my one and only
F O R E V E R
because in you i've even found that kind of
L O V E

there goes my heart again
and you are the reason
i need you know
and there goes my head throbbing
cause i need your heart
just come back home
you leave here
all alone

you reminded my heart
what it felt like to be loved
i held you too tight
and you promised
to never let me go
But then you left
Before I was ready to let go
for that
i will always hate you
because you broke my heart

My heart beats for you
It longs to be closer
It longs to be in your arms
I love you
And miss you most
On days like these
Were my heart longs
For you the most
But this is what happens
When a heart beats for another

And my tommy                 so deserves love,
It makes me happy              to see it glowing all
Around him, glowing      inside him, filling him
Up with a beautiful light. Such brilliant
Light must come from heaven
If such place exists. He
Does believe it
so do
i

But
He is real
A complete gentle
-man a true lover that
Could have only dropped
From the sky when it was blue
And each time i see him my smile
Is ethereal. It makes    me shiver as all up
And down my arms,        a colony of goose
Bumps lifts. And                 suddenly a jab
Of pure happines
Deep in my gut

He's like early mornings
When the sun starts to rise
And there's just enough frost
For the grass to look golden

He's like the late night ocean
On the outside calm
But bursting with life on the inside
And each time you get past a layer
You find more and more
differences from that calm

He's like the best thing that could happen
Especially to me
Who had thought that men were all the same
But when I look in his eyes
I end up finding my home

you light up my
world like a lamp in a
dark room, bringing me
happiness with just a small
smile a small touch of your hand
lighting my nerves like some be
autiful brite light bulb grows from
my stomach and growing th
rough my entire bo
dy making me
smile holding
me in the
brightne
ss

my lips are stained
made bittersweet by my defeat
my words on your lips
made salty poisoned by your words
my life is gone
made buttery by your knife

I was never enough
And I never will be
You just wanted to use me
And I let you
that was my mistake

My sadness is a fire
I built it to keep warm
I built it to protect me
I built to keep my sanity behind

My sadness is a fire
I fed it till it crept into the sky
I fed it till it chased every soul away
I fed it till I burned myself pushing you away

My sadness is a fire
But I built it higher
And so it became my cage I stay away from you
so I don't catch you in my flames

your eyes hold stars
i swear to it
because when i see you
i am astonished by the beauty
you shine like the brightest diamonds
and you are as mysterious as them to
the love you give me
is undying unbroken
and sweet
because i love the feeling i get
when you,
my star holds me

When I know I'm safe
I start to feel trapped
When this is what I've waited for
So long that I became hopeless
Chasing visious cycles
Over and over
Finding myself scared and hurt
But as soon as I find safety
I start feeling like it's a trap

Distorted view
Of my old
D R E A M S
A perfect image
Of my new
W O R R I E S
When I close my eyes
I see the faces of my
P A S T
When I open my eyes
I see the people of my
P R E S A N T

every piece of me
is called to you
even when i try not to let it be
you over flow my senses
you fil my head
i wish i knew how to tell you
that your my entire world

like a
T I T A L
you print it on every page
making it longer as times go on
using last and even middle
yet whenever i say mine i feel so
L O S T
like its not really mine
like someone's
just filled in the line
but it never feels
like its truly mine
whenever i see my name
its like im staring at a
B L A N K
line

the names i go by
often change
but the
N A M E S
you call me
will stay with me
F O R E V E R

i wish i could lose the weight
I wish I could fast
I wish I could diet
I wish I could do better
and I try
and I push
and I work
and I lose
and I gain
and I ***** up
I work hard so so hard
and yet your never happy
its never enough

i was waiting for the day you said you want me
because in my heart i felt a pull
one that I've never felt before
but watching you with others almost broke me down
i wasn't alone so i guess i understand
but now we throw our hearts into the flames
we love each other on days like these
if your wondering if i still love you
even when we are apart
here's what i would say
"i want you more and more each day
i love you in every way
i love this life we have
and i don't want to ever let you go"

if we never met
i think i would be
D I F F E R E N T
i think i might be a little
H A P P I E R
but i also think i wouldn't be so
S T R O N G
you may have temporarily
B R O K E
me but i am learning and growing and becoming
B E A U T I F U L

Start to a new year
This used to come
with so much confidence
Have your yearly set goals
Something to work towards as you go
I've never felt so ******* alone
When I can't find my purpose
Can't find my place
Looking in different doorways
Avoiding when there slammed in my face
Wish I could say I'm happy
Sometimes it feels like I never was
But I'm glad you came
It hurts so much less

if i said you broke my heart
would you say sorry
if i told you i was missing
would you care
cause when the nights are dark
and im alone with out you
and in all honesty
you where made for me and no her
i wonder if you will wake up
because you dont even see
what you lost and when the nights are cold
and your this bold
i think youve seen my nightmares

i see the kids
who get awards
for things like
perfect attendance
and best grades
but why not an award
for working the
night shift
cause momas adicted
and daddys gone
moma cant work
cant be sober long enough
so tell me
why don't they
have an award
for keeping your family
off the streets
i come in late
and all you do is scowl
but you don't know
what its like
working from six to three
for less than minimum wage
i dont to math homework
because im to busy  
doing taxes and paying bills

If I drift
For long enough
Maybe they won't notice
When my bones fade away
And I disappear to
N O T H I N G
NOTHING
NOTHIN
NOTHI
NOTH
NOT
NO
T

take a picture
of this perfect place
while were caught up
in everybody's empty
W O R D S
take a second
let it in
because nobody here needs your
G R A C E
take a glance
of a world
standing right infront of your
F A C E
because when you blink
years will pass
and no one will care for
L I F E

i love you
not for what you have
but for how you make me feel
your the stuck i my head
your face replaying in the forefront of my memory
your smile stuck in my head

i love you
not for what you have
but for the warmth you bring me
your every touch
lighting my entire body on fire
you love sticking to my bones

C H A P T E R 1
we start by introducing a woman
shes battered and bruised
but her eyes are bright
her face still damp with tears
as she runs into an apartment
and a man gives her a room
because he pities the young girl
C H A P T E R 2
the girl cleans up in a half bath
she smiles at her reflection sinisterly
and the reader begins to see that shes not what she seems
she offers to make him food
he smiles and excepts
noticing that after she cleaned up was quite beautiful
she cooked at the stove
and as she put a soup in a bowl
she poured a large amounts of arson
C H A P T E R 3
the man eats and is jovial
she also smiles watching him
watching as he laps up the drops of her soup
we begin to see a memory of hers
a man perhaps her father an empty bottle in his hand
his face is contorted with uncontrolled anger
he hits her until shes unconscious
he then proceeds to **** her
as she falls in and out of consciousness
C H A P T E R 4
we see the man falling very sick
he stumbles to his room sweat beads on his face
he excuses himself to bed and smiles at her
she smiles back but her face isnt a normal smile
he lies in his bed sweating crying
his heart begins to slow as she walks into the room
she watches until his last breath
as he begged her to call for help
C H A P T E R 5
she cleans the entire house
and takes his car to the river
he is sitting in the back eyes open wide
and still glistening with drops of old sweat
she drives up the dock
putting all the windows down
she hits the gas and lodges it down with a brick
like a seal on this mans fate
as she swims out of the window
C H A P T E R 6
seven bodies at the bottom of the river
each with a brick on the petal
each man killed with arson
each with a small heart carved on there wrist
she was a killer and the scene ends
with her ending yet another mans life
on the last page of the story
our novel asks you a question
was her killing justified
could she say she was a product of her surroundings
was the blame on her father
who showed her that men were untrustworthy
or perhaps her mother who was never there
not even to comfort her as she cried to sleep
or do you believe that she was just a
M O N S T E R

tears ridden with salt
fill our seas
tears fallen from ***** chreaks
filling our oceans
my dad used to say
as we sailed on the waves
water water everywhere but not a drop to drink
i finally see why i think

I live on an ocean
Flowing with the waves
Watching as they crash on the coast
Watching as you run to meet them
Connecting your world with mine
You grass
Your green
Your smiles
Your dreams
Your sandy beaches
Running to meet
my water
My blue
My fear
My destruction
My coral reefs
I watch gliding toward you slowly
Until there is no space between us
Not even molecules of air
Until ocean and earth are one
Like we always should be

Is it weird
That on the days i start to miss
Y O U
listen to the songs we used to listen to on
R E P E A T
Is it odd
That on the days i missed you the
M O S T
I pretend that your a ghost or you never really
There even though i know that's
R E A L I S T I C A L L Y
Incorrect
Is it wrong
That on the nights that i miss you,
D U R I N G
Every memory playback
There you are painting the stars of the
N I G H T

everybody has to grow
OLDER
even lexi only 19
young and naive
wants to find a way to be
TIMELESS
fight the science
in deviance
but she grows quick
and passes young
the graveyard fills
with rain from her tears
washing her casket away

once upon a time
when i was younger
i could smile
when everything hurt
because i couldn't understand
i didn't know that you
were slowly killing yourself
right in front of my eyes  
like i was nothing
like you never cared
so i will end this story
the way many have before
with a simple little
the end