If I drift
For long enough
Maybe they won't notice
When my bones fade away
And I disappear to
N O T H I N G
NOTHING
NOTHIN
NOTHI
NOTH
NOT
NO
T

There's a ghost that haunts my mind
A Mary Beth that died
With stars still shining in her eye
Well I've been running my whole life
I can hear her plotting
In the back corners of my brain
It starts a whole reaction train
A type of buzzing
That you feel inside your veins
And I've been running
For so long
But I've been listening
What if she's not wrong

Locking up the cabinet doors
I've been battling
With food since I was four
Tell me its for the better
That starving will make me happier

Cameras on the kitchen door
Don't just eat because your boerd
Couldn't tell the difference
Between hunger and an inference
I'll just wait until it hurts

Now every bite is like a chore
Feeling nauseous with each more
But if I need food to live
Why would you make ut impossible
For me to eat

Smoke me out
I'm begging you
Let me feel that high
Know what its like
Even just for a moment
To escape my mind
Taking hits off ivory buds
The smoke stuck in my lungs
Holding tight
As if that will make it last a little longer
But I just need some silence
And maybe an escape
From my relentless mind

I wanted to give you me in full
Except I cant
Because I was born to be just a
Silhouette
Tried to find me
But lost it in the writing
Now im nothing but
The Silhouette
of what others have made me

I hate how it feels
The way a single text
Makes my blood boil
Because I know you don't care
Wouldn't have cried
If I ended up Dead and starving
And now you message
Asking how I am
Pretending you miss me
Like those words really hold any weight
But I'm not here
To make you feel less guilty
I hope you burn in your guilt
I'm not here to help you keep up appearances
Because at the end of the day
You were never a real father

When I know I'm safe
I start to feel trapped
When this is what I've waited for
So long that I became hopeless
Chasing visious cycles
Over and over
Finding myself scared and hurt
But as soon as I find safety
I start feeling like it's a trap