Im not your trophy
Ive been hurt and dragged
But how does that make you better
As if watching the way
My disability controls me
Makes you so much more greatful
That yours doesn't
As if I'm something to be pitied
Because no one wants to be like that girl
But look at all that girls done
And if she can accomplish so much
Can't I
But im not your inspirational ****
And watching my struggles
Doesn't make you any stronger

Would you still love me if I was a worm
No let me rephrase that
Would you still love me if I lost value
Would you still want me
If I broke all of the vows
Turned into something
you never agreed to be with
Became unable to be a wife
Would you still love me
If I couldn't be a wife, a mother
If I could never be a friend again
Would you still love me
Even as I grew unable to clean
Unable to cook
unable to walk on my own
Would you still love me
Would you still think of me The same
I guess honestly
Would you still love me if I was a worm

I've tried to float
I've gown through the fall out
When all of it hurts
Why would I try now
How do I smile
How do I let go
When it tends to simmer
It tends to run out
Right when I need
Just a bit more ill keep on pushing
Till I get to the good part
Till I find what the point is of this world

Sometimes I get in my head
Start to question if
I should've left even you
But that house was so small
This worlds so big
I'm sorry I left you behind
But I'm so glad I did

Start to a new year
This used to come
with so much confidence
Have your yearly set goals
Something to work towards as you go
I've never felt so ******* alone
When I can't find my purpose
Can't find my place
Looking in different doorways
Avoiding when there slammed in my face
Wish I could say I'm happy
Sometimes it feels like I never was
But I'm glad you came
It hurts so much less

Sometimes when the snow falls
When winter truly takes hold
I think about those nights I spent
Loving you
Even though it hurt me
I miss you when it's cold
Even if you where always passive
And I was getting carpal tunnel
From trying to keep holding on
And it makes me sad
The way I left you but I'm glad I did
It was for the best