kyss: Favorites

Jul 2018 kyss

Please Forgive Me If I End Up Doing This

Jul 2018 kyss

Barker

Please Forgive Me If I End Up Doing This

I’m insecure and so I question everything.
You’ve told me for the thousandth time that you love me,
But this feeling of doubt and insecurity still looms within me.
Voices tell me that you shouldn’t have doubts in a relationship
And that since I do have doubts I would be bette off alone.
So I always end the relationship early,
Even if there was nothing wrong or the problem was fixable.
You see the voices they tell me things
And my body just reacts to what they say,
Which in turn leads me to do things I don’t want to.

(C)ibarker

Jul 2018 kyss

Summer

Jul 2018 kyss

Barker

Summer

Summer reminds me of the feeling of freedom and no worries.
It reminds me of the smell of camp fires and the sound of the water.
Summer reminds me of all the sunset and sunrises.
The sound of the wind.
It reminds me of warmth and all the fun of being around your friends.
Summer reminds me of myself

(C)ibarker

Jul 2018 kyss

It Seems That You Have Cleared My Mind

Jul 2018 kyss

Barker

It Seems That You Have Cleared My Mind

You’ve asked me to write you a poem,
But it seems that I have lost my words.
There’s been a disruption in the flow of my ink.
I need to get out of here and go somewhere where I can clear my mind,
But you see,
I am tied down to this house where I get flashbacks of my past,
Angry outbursts and drunken rages fill my mind.
You said to tell you how to comfort me so here it is
Come and break my chains,
Let’s run away together to the ocean where we can watch the sun set and rise.
Just you and me.

(C)ibarker

Jun 2018 kyss

Voices II

Jun 2018 kyss

Barker

Voices II

Is it really worth it?
Does loving you out weigh the cons?
You mean everything to me.
But I have these voices in my head
Telling me it's wrong.
These voices make me second guess everything.
I don't know.
What if I'm doing something wrong?
What if you don't really love me?
What if I'm just fooling myself?
...
What if you're just playing with me?
I've had my heart played with before.
What if this is all just set up for heartbreak?
I can't withstand another break up.
What if?
...
These voices keep me up at night.
I can barely sleep.
Sometimes I don't sleep at all.
I just lay awake thinking of all the possibilities.
I can hear the voices telling me that you don't like me.
I can hear them saying things that I know aren't true.
But they make me doubt everything.
I don't know what the truth is anymore.
And that scares me.

(c)ibarker

#voices #help #depression #love #heartbreak #sleep

Jun 2018 kyss

Te Rog Ascultă-Mă

Jun 2018 kyss

Barker

Te Rog Ascultă-Mă

The joy and the chaos,
The demons we're made of,
I'd be so lost if you left me alone,

You locked yourself in the bathroom,
Lying on the floor when I break through,
I pull you in to feel your heartbeat,
Can you hear me screaming "please don't leave me"?

Hold on, I still want you
Come back, I still need you
Let me take your hand,
I'll make it right
I swear to love you all my life

A long endless highway, you're silent beside me
Driving a nightmare I can't escape from
Helplessly praying,
The light isn't fading
Hiding in the shock and the chill in my bones

They took you away on a table
I pace back and forth as you lay still

I don't wanna let go
I know I'm not that strong
I just wanna hear you
Saying baby,
Let's go home

(c)ibarker Hold On

Jun 2018 kyss

Tell me please

Jun 2018 kyss

Barker

Tell me please

Tension was created between us by an argument we had,
Still unclear about the status of our relationship,

(c)ibarker

Jun 2018 kyss

Songs We Sing

Jun 2018 kyss

Barker

Songs We Sing

Back at home,
Downstairs playing the piano,
But for some reason it’s not the same
As playing piano for you
Back at the Psych Ward.

Back at home,
Playing that song.
Which I taught you,
And where you asked me to sing for you,

Back at home,
Away from you.

(c)ibarker

Jun 2018 kyss

Slowly letting you into my mind

Jun 2018 kyss

Barker

Slowly letting you into my mind

I lay outside in the sun,
Soaking in the warmth of the sun.

It is hot out,
But I still feel cold.

I’m cut off by the world around me,
The distance between my mind and reality is increasing rapidly.

Soon I will just be a hollow shell,
My mind lost in the past and the future.

I need you to bring me back to reality,
I need you to bring me back to you.

(C)ibarker

Jun 2018 kyss

An apology

Jun 2018 kyss

Barker

An apology

You say that you’ll always be there for me,
But how can you say that when you haven’t even seen the glimpse of my mind?
You say that you care for me,
But I’ve heard those words before
By many different people
Who are now long gone.
So, I ask you
How can you say these things without knowing if you mean them?
And more importantly,
How do you expect me to believe you when everyone else who has ever said that to me, left?

(C)ibarker